The following quotes were taken from actual medical records from Israeli hospitals… ‘ Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
‘ She is numb from her toes down.
‘ By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
‘ Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
‘ On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
‘ She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
‘ The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
‘ Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
‘ I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
‘ The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
‘ Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
‘ Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
‘ The patient refused an autopsy.
‘ The patient has no past history of suicides.
‘ Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
‘ The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
‘ She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
‘ The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex, which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
‘ The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
‘ The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out of gas and crashed.
‘ When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Credit: David Minkoff, A Word In Your Eye