Classic Jokes

Classic joke · No. 5276

The book purchase

Did you hear about Moishe, who was sexually inexperienced? One day, Moishe went into a bookshop and bought 'How to Hug'. Later on, when…

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Classic joke · No. 5277

Get the facts first

Fay goes to see Rabbi Gross. "I have a problem, rabbi," she says. "Yesterday, after yet another argument with my Ruben, he walks out…

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Classic joke · No. 5278

Benjy the thief

Benjy had been arrested and was now up before the judge. The judge asks, "Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop…

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Classic joke · No. 5102

A holiday named after his love life

Benny was talking to his best friend Sam. "Don’t tell anyone, Sam, but mine Sadie once again had a headache last night. " "Really?…

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Classic joke · No. 5283

Your Cheatin’ Heart

"My wife is the most suspicious woman in the world", complained Morris, the harried husband to a sympathetic friend. Last year she found a…

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Classic joke · No. 5284

Sitting Shiva

Moishe had a wife named Gitel, who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night (and sometimes later), for the 65 years they had been…

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Classic joke · No. 5285

So Ashamed

"Morris I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father…

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Classic joke · No. 5286

Mad Cow

Morris and his wife are seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. After the waiter arrives, the man says, "I'll have your biggest,…

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Classic joke · No. 5287

The Eulogy

Old man Morris had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town’s Rabbi talked at length of the good traits of the…

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Classic joke · No. 5288

Be Grateful

Morris takes his wife Pearl to Dr Schwartz for her annual medical. After examining her, Dr Schawrz has a quiet word with Morris. "Morris",…

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Classic joke · No. 5290

Chewed Up, Chewed Out

Sarah the wife, chewed out Morris, her husband, at the company picnic. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to…

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Classic joke · No. 5291

Jewish House Keepers

Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they…

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Classic joke · No. 5292

Fentestic!

Two Jewish matrons, friends from the old country, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white pillared mansion in Miami Beach. The…

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Classic joke · No. 5305

So Stop it!!

Rabbi Sam Wolfson was giving his speech to the Jewish federation about the "Tragedy of Jewish Inter-Marriage" with non-Jews. Toward the end of his…

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Classic joke · No. 5312

3 X 2 = 7

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks…

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Classic joke · No. 5323

Synagogue bulletins

These sentences actually appeared in bulletins or were announced in services: The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.…

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Classic joke · No. 5330

How do you spell DVD?

Abe was making out his Chanukah list... "Honey," he says to his wife, "How do you spell DVD?"

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Classic joke · No. 5351

Modern Jewish Proverbs

"Truth is the safest lie." "Just as courage imperils life, fear protects it." "He who puts up with insult invites injury." "God could not…

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Classic joke · No. 5360

When there is a Will, there is a Wave

The lawyer was reading out the Will of Sam Rosenblatt, a rich man, to those people mentioned in the Will: "To my loving wife…

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Classic joke · No. 5368

For This I Need a Lawyer?

Lawyer: "Mrs. Schwartz, I have succeeded in coming to a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you." Mrs. Schwartz:…

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Classic joke · No. 5381

Rx

At his wife's insistence, Goldberg finally went to his doctor for a check up. "You look terrible," said the doctor. "Do you drink?" "Why…

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Classic joke · No. 5389

Jewish Thinking

For many years around 1890, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile. Due to a political shift, Morris Rabinowitz, a tailor, found that…

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Classic joke · No. 5425

Hillary, the adaptable candidate

(from a speech given recently) Ladies of Hadassah. Let me start by saying how nice it is to be among mishpoche. I'm reminded of…

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Classic joke · No. 5438

Two wishes

An Israeli , a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden,…

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