Classic Jokes

Classic joke · No. 5285

So Ashamed

"Morris I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father…

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Classic joke · No. 5286

Mad Cow

Morris and his wife are seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. After the waiter arrives, the man says, "I'll have your biggest,…

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Classic joke · No. 5290

Chewed Up, Chewed Out

Sarah the wife, chewed out Morris, her husband, at the company picnic. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to…

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Classic joke · No. 5299

Getting it Down to the Basics

Little Morris, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on…

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Classic joke · No. 5338

Swine Flu

"Samuel, come to my son's the Bar Mitzvah tomorrow" "Sorry Abraham" answered Samuel, "but I can't go because of the Flu. I went to…

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Classic joke · No. 5340

Top ten ways you know you are a reliable Jewish psychic

10. You hear the term "kosher style" and you immediately know it means you'll be eating treif 9. You know that any pretty single…

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Classic joke · No. 5342

Chicken Joke

During the days of communism in the Soviet Union, a commissar was visiting poultry farmers, inquiring about the feed they gave chickens. The first…

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Classic joke · No. 5352

When in (Jewish) Rome

Veni, Vidi, Vegi - I came, I saw, I had a salad.

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Classic joke · No. 5362

Check and Cheeky

When the heir to the Rothschild fortune visited a poor Jewish village near Budapest, the locals poured out to greet him. With all due…

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Classic joke · No. 5370

The barley soup

Goldstein had been going to the same restaurant for ten years. Every day he starts with the same thing, barley soup. One day, as…

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Classic joke · No. 5371

Big Mouth

An elderly Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that roast beef," he…

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Classic joke · No. 5372

Must Have Been in Florida

This man studied the menu long and hard, and finally turned to the waiter for help. "Well," said the waiter, "today our special is…

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Classic joke · No. 5373

Diet Tips

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they…

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Classic joke · No. 5375

Pizza in Japan

(read this with thick Japanesse accent) An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks…

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Classic joke · No. 5387

Taking It Easy on the Job

The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat And Overcoat." Meyer did. He kept turning every minute, almost choking over his…

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Classic joke · No. 5108

The three bears Levine

It's a lovely hot, sunny morning in the forest where the bear family Levine live. There was mummy bear Rifka, daddy bear Shlomo and…

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Classic joke · No. 5399

Which way to face

Did you know that Muslims face Mecca to pray; New York Reform Jews face the 'Stage Delicatessen' ; and Boston Priests face the Jury.

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Classic joke · No. 5409

Conversion: a kosher limerick

There once was a guy from Troy, A religiously committed boy; But the thought of circumcision Altered his decision, And he chose to remain…

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Classic joke · No. 5425

Hillary, the adaptable candidate

(from a speech given recently) Ladies of Hadassah. Let me start by saying how nice it is to be among mishpoche. I'm reminded of…

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Classic joke · No. 5430

Love That Cholent

A man goes into a Jewish restraunt and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special…

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Classic joke · No. 5112

Obesity ranking by religious affiliation

In a study of the relationship between religion and body weight in the United States, Kenneth Ferraro, a medical sociologist at Purdue University, found…

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Classic joke · No. 5127

Me no eat Chinese chazerai

Bernie walks into his local Chinese restaurant and is very surprised to see the owner, Mister Lee, eating gefillte fish, chopped liver and kishke.…

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Classic joke · No. 4382

Rabbi Dashboard’s driving tip

Rabbi Dashboard says: "Leave 30 bagel lengths for every 10 miles per hour."

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Classic joke · No. 4425

Personal ad: couch potato latke

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows?

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