. . .It was Moses who led the Jews out of slavery in Egypt and into the desert where he gave them the Ten Commandments. (The Eleventh Commandment — “Find water!” — is no longer in effect.) Extremely Reform Jews maintain that they were not really “Commandments” at all but just “Suggestions,” and that Moses looked very dehydrated when he delivered them.
The Ten Suggestions
1. I am the Lord thy G-d and thou shalt have not too many other G-ds besides me.
2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a shop class.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of Lord thy G-d in vain without the express written consent of Lord thy G-d. The name “Lord thy G-d” is the sole property of Lord thy G-d. Any use of the name of Lord thy G-d without the express written consent of Lord thy G-d is unauthorized and illegal and shall be punished by Lord thy G-d.
4. Remember the Sabbath, thy squash game and thy other appointments.
5. Honor thy single parent.
6. Thou shalt not kill a man just to watch him die.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and then run for office.
8. Thou shalt not steal. (Note: Not really applicable to car radios.)
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor when appearing before Judge Wapner.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, his servants, his flocks, or his power tools.
“The Ten Suggestions” is taken from How to Be an Extremely Reform Jew by David M. Bader (Avon Books), copyright 1994.
Credit: haruth.com