The Lieberman White House

1) White House brunches now include lox AND nova and a little kugel, some nice cheese, blintzes, maybe some eggs, but not too runny, every kind of bagel, and coffee…de-caf. 2) The Jackie Mason postage stamp. 3) Chinese food every Sunday night! 4) The White House floors will be SPOTLESS. 5) Christmas tree will have Jewish star on top. 6) White House doctor will get more respect than the President. 7) Oval office conference table will always have a coffee cake in the middle. 8) Kids found bleeding when Afikomen is hidden in rose garden. 9) Nancy Reagan China replaced with Bloomingdales meat and dairy dishes. 10) Inaugural Ball held at Beth Shalom Social Center. 11) Plastic covers on White House furniture. 12) Camp David moved to Grossingers. 13) Number of Cabinet members adjusted to make a minyan. 14) Men and women sit separately in press room. 15) Instead of a pen, every White House guest is offered a nice piece of fruit…maybe a sandwich. 16) Air Force One pilot sits low, with head below windshield, perpetually signals right. 17) All Mt. Rushmore figures get nose job. 18) At inauguration, Supreme Court Chief Justice gives President a Kiddush cup and candlesticks. 19) Balance the Budget? – Buy everything wholesale! 20) All military uniforms are changed because there’s a MUCH better tailor who could do better work for HALF what they paid for those. 21) National Anthem changed to “Sunrise, Sunset.” 22) We all have to go the White House once a week for dinner-and bring something from the bakery. 23) Martin Sheen replaced on “West Wing” by Gary Shandling. 24) New Secretary of State – Barbara Streisand. 25) National symbol changed from bald eagle to “The Early Bird.” 26) Annual Easter Egg Hunt changed to “Find the Matzo Ball.” 27) “Hail to the Chief” replaced with “Get A Load of the Big Macher.” 28) White House interns — shiksas only!