Jewish Usenet Jokes
Jokes from the alte kaker internet.
In this collection
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4380Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4380
The Japanese rabbi
When my congregation was shopping for a new rabbi, a Japanese applied for the job. The traditionalist members said "But it isn't…
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4381Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4381
How many shuls does a Jew need?
An archeological team enters a empty part of Tibet. There appears to be no signs of any life. After a couple of…
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4382Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4382
Rabbi Dashboard’s driving tip
Rabbi Dashboard says: "Leave 30 bagel lengths for every 10 miles per hour."
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4383Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4383
When two Jewish women get together
A rabbi, new to the congregation, was called up during a temple sisterhood dinner to say a few words. He began with…
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4384Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4384
The rabbi’s confession
Someone overhears the rabbi saying to himself: "Oy ! Do I love Jesus !" The person is flabbergasted and confronts the rabbi:…
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4385Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4385
The clergymen’s confessions
Over the years in a small New England town the local Catholic priest, Protestant minister, and rabbi had become the best of…
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4386Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4386
The Breslover’s aliyah
A Breslover chassid was bragging about his Rebbe to a Litvak. "On every single Shabbos we give the Rebbe an aliyah, and…
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4387Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4387
Below the waist
A husband was distraught when he caught his wife in bed with another man. In desperation, he sought advice from his rabbi,…
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4388Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4388
The new man in the San Francisco shul
A Jewish gay man grew up in Chicago, always hoping to move to San Francisco. Afer graduationg form school he made his…
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4389Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4389
The buttered toast
A man was very unlucky. Everything he did went wrong, every business failed, his wife left him, his friends cheated him. You…
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4390Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4390
My rabbi performs miracles
Two delegates to a convention in Las Vegas were sitting in the lounge of the Excalibur Hotel, bragging about their rabbis. "My…
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4391Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4391
The Archbishop and the Chief Rabbi
At a dinner of the CCJ (Council of Christians and Jews) Archbishop Carey and Chief Rabbi Sachs presided. In opening his speech,…
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4392Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4392
Three rabbis compare notes
The three rabbis in town, from the Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform shuls, met after Shabbes across America to discuss the results. The…
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4393Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4393
Almost an affair
Isaac Weiss, a married man, goes to the shul and tells the Rabbi, "I had an affair with a woman - almost."…
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4394Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4394
The Russian space station
Q. What is the name of the Russian Space Station that crashed and burned on re-entry? A. Oy Veys Mir
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4395Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4395
How a Jewish woman calls the family to dinner
Q. How does a Jewish woman call her family to dinner? A. All right, everybody get in the car.
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4396Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4396
Facial lotion for Jewish women
Q. What is the name of a facial lotion made for Jewish women? A. Oil of Oy Vey.
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4397Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4397
The new horror film
Q. What is the title of the new horror film for Jewish women? A. Debbila Does Windows
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4398Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4398
When does the fetus become human?
Q. In the Jewish doctrine, when does the fetus become human? A. When it graduates from medical school.
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4399Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4399
Soft hands and long nails
Q. What do Jewish women do to keep their hands soft and nails long and beautiful? A. Nothing.
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4400Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4400
If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish
Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be? A. A fur coat.
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4401Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4401
The sisterhood president’s dog
An Orthodox rabbi moved into a town where heretofore. there had only been a Reform rabbi." One evening he hears a soft…
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4402Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4402
Coming out of shul
Coming out of shul, Mrs. Goldman asked her husband Morris, "Nu? You think that Siegel girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't…
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4403Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4403
The rabbi and the Trids
There was a Rabbi who was shipwrecked on an island. He knew that there was no way he could get off so…