In light of the fact that the following lacks haskamot (approbations), let the reader be skeptical. Any resemblance of these characters to anyone real is purely coincidental. Readers of this passage should realize that it has been translated from Yiddish (Lashon Hakodesh) and therefore some of the flavor from the original is as lost as the cholent on Sunday.
The Shot-in-the-Dark Edition of the Talmud by Artklaf underview by Rabbi Adar Volpan, Editor of the Jewish Onlooker
Unfortunately, there are certain “scholars” in the world of Orthodoxy who have questioned Talmudic references to Ga’as Torah. The following is cited from Masechta Purim*, a little known tractate recently found in an archeological dig together with the memoirs of Lot’s daughter, “My Mother the Netziv.” [see commentary below from Fakewood Cheder School]; Hopefully, this will dispel any notion that Ga’as Torah is a new phenomenon. We join this discussion in progress: ”””””””’ Daf Alef Amud Alef
Mishna: In the case of a certain vessel which is found in a public place, Bais Hammai say that the vessel is tamei; Beis Billel say that it is tahor. Beis Hammai then said to Beis Billel, “When we said that the vessel is tamei, we represented “Ga’as Torah”. To this, Beis Billel replied, “We didn’t realize that you had Ga’as Torah. OK, it’s tamei. Rabbi Ikiva says “it’s not so black and white.” The Anshei Knessess Gedolei D’Artklaf say: “What’s white?”
Gemara: What’s this Ga’as Torah stuff and from where do we learn it? R. Buba and Ula (together know as Bubala) bring the verse (Mishlei 32:6) “And those who have it, have it.” Tanya nami hachi, “Mi d’havit, havit.” The talmidim of Rav Hamliel came to visit him and asked: Is it possible for Rav Ploni from Pumpagasa [Rav Ploni was an Amora who did not have Ga’as Torah**] to acquire it? His reply was “He is kind of like 7-Up: Never had it-never will”.
—Rishonim—
Bashi: Ga’as Torah is something that represents the authoritative view. It is used interchangeably with “the Gedoilim” or “da Gedoilim” (as opposed to “daBears”) from here on in; another version is ‘case closed’.
Toseephus: Bashi states that Ga’as Torah is the authoritative view. This interpretation is problematic as it is well known that Ga’as Torah has not been invented yet. It must be that Bashi had “ruach hakodesh”.
[Because the Talmudic source is nonexistent, the following is a direct quotation on Ga’as Torah from the Biff: ” “.
—Acharonim—
Jewish Spectator (Purim issue): We cannot understand Beis Billel***. How could they not be aware of the predominant Ga’as Torah? Could it be that their subscription to the Jewish Spectator ran out? Could they have been in college when the Halacha was introduced? It probably was because their version of the mishna had less than 6 (acceptable) haskamos. In any event, and whatever it is, we have it****. Case closed. (See Bashi’s second girsa) (are you saying that Bashi did not write in Bashi script? It can’t be!).
Rabbi Dr. Mesora asks: What is this concept of Ga’as Torah all about? In addition, don’t we have a rule of “eilu v’eilu divrei elokim chayim”. So, why is Beis Billel’s opinion shunned by Beis Hammai? In addition, isn’t Ga’as Torah something that was invented less than 100 years ago?
Jewish Spectator (Pesach issue): Recently, in a “scholarly Orthodox Journal” (see Rabbi Dr. Mesorah), the question was raised as to our subscription***** to the axiom of “eilu v’eilu divrei elokim chayim.” To this we unequivocally respond, “Of course, we hold that this is true. It’s just that some people (i.e., us) are eilu and others are not. We hold the rights to both the mutually exclusive eilu and acher (cherem) titles”. However, we do acknowledge that the opinion of Beis Billel leaves a vacuum in the specific viewpoint that they in effect created-a vacuum that cannot conceivably be filled by any other individual.
“Mr. Y” of Lakewood, NJ******- Dr. Rabbi (and I use the term loosely) Mesora should stick to tuna fish, for which he is an expert. Since he is not in my collections of gedoilim cards*******, he cannot be Ga’as Torah.
Fakewood Cheder School- we are urging that everyone who received the book “My Mother the Netziv” in our fundraising campaign should return it to us. At the time of distribution, we were unaware that Lot’s wife read Veibersche Home Journal. However, we will not reimburse those who purchased the Veibersche Home Journal.
Footnotes
*Upon consultation with the Gedoilim, we have decided to intentionally mispronounce/misspell Maseches Purim as Masechta Purim. They paskened that grammatically correct pronunciation of Hebrew/Aramaic words is a “moderneshe zach” (sic) and has no place in the Beis Medrish/dresh/drosh/drush (this is a true case of “eilu v’eilu divrei elokim chayim”).
**The Talmud customarily uses pseudonyms to refer to personalities whose identities it does not wish to publicize. In this case, the Gemara saw fit not to identify Rav Ploni by name because of family members whose Ga’as Torah status was pending approval by the Jewish Spectator review board.
***We really do understand. But if we don’t start with this contrived query, how could we impress you with our chiddush?
****In some versions, “we have it” is followed by “and you don’t, na-na-na-na-na!”
*****All of our subscribers do that. It is the nature of those who pay in advance.
******Mr. Y is one of the great thinkers of our time. He is a scion of the revered Y dynasty, and has placed 37th on the “lamed-vov tzadikim list” on several occasions. His written works have appeared in scholarly journals such as Country Velvel Family Magazine.
*******Mr. Y’s allusion to gedoilim cards brings up a famous story of two cheder boys from Fakewood who came before their Rebbe to resolve a dispute. One of the boys had a duplicate card which he was trading away to get a card which he did not yet have. However, the individual on the card he received in the trade was found to be counterfeit (i.e., not Ga’as Torah, merely some learned individual with a beard). He claimed that the deal was a “mekach taos” (erroneous acquisition). He then wanted the other boy to return the original card that he traded away. Unfortunately, the Rebbe was unable to render a p’sak. A snowstorm had damaged some phone lines, and he couldn’t get through to New York for the answer. (Another version of the story is that the card in question was not a Gadol card at all. It was a card from 1961 of some goy named Maris holding a bat. The Rebbe ripped up the card and kicked the kid out of his class.)
Editor’s Note: The above was taken from the Artklaf version of the Talmud (although it was impossible to recreate the “tsuras hadaf” here). The “Acharonei Acharonim” that follow didn’t make “the cut”. The editors should note that as we went to press we learned that there was a commentary on Shulchan Aruch called Ga’as Torah (not to be confused with Torah Laga’as) that existed more than 100 years ago. So, we didn’t make Ga’as Torah up! Well, at least according to Ga’as Torah, we didn’t. What do you say about that Rav Dr. Mesorah?! We should also mention that there have been reports in the Jewish Mess that someone recently discovered a LOR with Ga’as Torah. However, we attribute this to sensationalist tabloid journalism and render the reliability of this report tenuous.
Acharonei Acharonim
Rav David Hashchori-Black: It is quite possible that Artklaf’s version of this passage is incorrect. (After all, I did not see Rav Rach’s haskoma among the 150 others in my edition.) Then again it is possible that Artklaf added Ga’as Torah to the Talmud after the original printing.
Rabbi Ed Shteinpeppers: Ga’as Torah-derived from the Latin “nona apikursusa” (see invisible illustration in the margin)
Council of (your) Local Orthodox Rabbis (a.k.a. CLOR): (with regard to Bashi’s comment) Is there a difference between Gedoilim and Ga’as Torah? Ostensibly, there is. However, there have been instances where a gadol is not counted among Ga’as Torah, of course, and plenty of us have Ga’as Torah, but are not Gedolim.
Teiku. (Your welcome).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To better understand vernacular pertaining to Ga’as Torah we have provided the following reference guide to key terms:
Ga’as Torah Glossary
Synonyms of Ga’as Torah: da Gedoilim, Fakewood, A Gutah, leading Roshei Yeshiva, Emes, anyone from Bnai Doc
Opposites of Ga’as Torah: Krum, cherem, apikursus, modernische, Zionist conspiracy, “college educated”, batel b’shishim (or any kula, for that matter)
Credit: Artklaf, submitted by Elliot David Lasson (mail-jewish Purim edition, 1994)