It is customary for the groom to buy his bride a diamond engagement ring. In traditional circles, this kind of custom is called _yehareg ve-al ya’avor_, i.e., highly recommended. Our Sages have also established a formula to determine how much one should spend on the ring:
1) take the amount you can afford;
2) multiply by eighteen;
3) that is how much you must spend. The ring symbolizes many things. First, a ring has the form of a link in a chain. This symbolizes that marriage chains a man and deprives him of his liberty. As our Sages teach: “Who is a free man? One who eludes marriage” (_Avot de-Robbie Benson_ 8:4).
The ring is a circle that has no beginning and no end, which is how marriage feels after a couple of years. This also alludes to Talmud Torah (Torah study), which is also endless, all the more so because a man won’t learn much once he marries. Of course, a ring is not essential, any piece of jewelry that fits the above requirements will be fine. The time has now come to plan the wedding.PLANNING THE WEDDING
There are many myths about Jewish weddings, and they must be dispelled. Many people think that a Jewish wedding must be lavish, with expensive clothes, endless food and a seven-piece band. This is not a myth; this is TRUE. The myth is that the wedding is for the bride and groom. In fact, the wedding is for their parents. This is why three-fourths of the guests are people the bride and groom do not know. Many of these are relatives neither the bride nor groom knew existed. In halakhah (Jewish law), these people are called “wedding relatives.” It is forbidden to interact with such relatives except at the wedding of one’s children.
SPIRITUAL PURIFICATION
Before the marriage can be consummated, the bride must immerse in a mikveh (ritual pool). This ritual is neither embarrassing nor demeaning to women. Chasidim do it every day. Immersion in the mikveh symbolizes spiritual rebirth. It represents purity and ritual cleanliness. Nevertheless, the custom is for the mikveh water to be cloudy, gray, and have little things floating in it. This custom goes back to the time when women immersed in outdoor rivers, braving frostbite, pneumonia, and the occasional peeping Tom. Some point out that the Hebrew word mikveh is related to the word tikvah, meaning hope. This alludes to the fact that women who use the mikveh hope they won’t contract anything bacterial from the water.
Credit: haruth.com