1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories don’t count if you both eat the same amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, such as: brandy, cheesecake (eaten whole), and ice cream.
5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories not only because they are eaten in the dark, but also simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one’s personal fuel.
6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.
7. If you eat the food off someone else’s plate, it doesn’t count.
8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
9. Food eaten at Chanukah parties has no calories, courtesy of G-d, since it is a mitzvah to eat. This applies at other religious events such as bar mitzvahs, brits, oneg Shabbats and shopping.
10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
Added Tip: Develop tapeworms