DEAR DIARY – DAY 1
The taxi has arrived to take me to the Port for the start of my Mediterranean cruise. I’m really excited, even though my Moshe is not able to join me on this trip. I’ve packed all my Gucci outfits, my breakfast wear, my sports wear, my lounge wear, my evening wear and my seductive negligees. And I only needed 7 suitcases.
DEAR DIARY – DAY 2
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and I saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful holiday this has started to be. I met the Captain today – he seems like a very nice man.
DEAR DIARY – DAY 3
Today I spent some time in the ship’s swimming pool. I also played bridge with some ladies in the piano bar and did some aerobics. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honoured and had a wonderful time. He’s a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
DEAR DIARY – DAY 4
I spent the morning in the ship’s casino and won £95. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him, this time in his state room. He somehow knew I was Jewish and so our menu was knaidelach soup followed by hot salt beef, roast potatoes and latkes, plus some new green cucumbers and hot peppers, followed by a lockshen pudding. The champagne he chose was very nice. Afterwards, he asked me to stay the night with him but I declined – I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my Moshe. The Captain seemed upset after all the thought he had put into the meal.
DEAR DIARY – DAY 5
I went back to the top-side swimming pool today and got a little sunburned so decided to spend the rest of the day in the piano bar. The Captain saw me there and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming man. He again asked me to spend the night with him. But when I again declined, he got angry and told me that if I didn’t stay the night with him tomorrow, he would sink the ship. I was obviously horrified and very worried.
DEAR DIARY – DAY 6
I saved 1,600 lives today – twice!
Credit: David Minkoff, A Word In Your Eye