Rebecca is suing her husband Stephen for divorce in a Rabbinical court and today she is being interviewed by Rabbi Levy.
“So Rebecca,” asks Rabbi Levy, “what are the grounds for your divorce?” “Well Rabbi,” replies Rebecca, “Stephen and I have an up-market 7 bedroom house in Golders Green in about 2 acres of land, plus a swimming pool.”
“That’s not what I meant Rebecca,” says Rabbi Levy, smiling. “Let me ask in another way. Briefly explain to me the foundations of your case.”
“Our house is 100% brick and I believe it sits on a solid concrete base,” replies Rebecca.
“No Rebecca,” says Rabbi Levy, “that’s not what I asked. Let me ask you a different question. Does your husband Stephen ever beat you up?”
“He certainly does, Rabbi,” replies Rebecca. “He wakes up earlier than me two or three times a week.”
Rabbi Levy is now beginning to sound quite frustrated. “So can you tell me what your current relations are like?” he asks.
“Well Rabbi,” replies Rebecca, “my mum and dad love me a lot and are very helpful to me. I have one uncle who donates much to charity and another who has a great sense of humour – he writes Jewish jokes books, you know. But Stephen’s parents don’t seem to like me – they don’t talk to me.”
“That’s not what I meant, Rebecca,” says Rabbi Levy. “But let’s move on. Do you have a grudge you would like to tell me about?”
“As it happens, Rabbi, I don’t,” replies Rebecca. “I’ve never really needed one – our carport is more than adequate.”
“Oy vay,” says Rabbi Levy, “this is proving harder than I thought. Look Rebecca, let me ask you an intimate question. To the best of your knowledge, has there been, at any time, any infidelity in your marriage?”
“I can answer that easily, Rabbi,” replies Rebecca. “Yes, there has been and still is. Both my sons have their own stereo iPods and they play them loudly using loudspeakers all the time in our house.”
At this, Rabbi Levy finally looses his cool. He looks straight at Rebecca and asks, “Rebecca, just why do you want a divorce?”
“I’ve never really wanted one, Rabbi,” replies Rebecca, “but Stephen and I no longer have any contact with each other. Stephen has totally stopped talking to me – he hasn’t spoken a word to me for over a year now and I think it’s a chutzpah. The last words he said to me were, ‘I’ve had enough. I just can’t communicate with you.'”
Credit: David Minkoff, A Word In Your Eye