[My thanks to Frank R for the following]
“To all the shlemiels, shlemazels, nebbishes, nudniks, klutzes, putzes, shlubs, shmoes, shmucks, nogoodniks and mumzers that are lurking out there in the crowd, I just wanted to say that I, for one, get sentimental when I think about English and its place in our society.”
“To tell the truth, it makes me so farklempt, I’m fit to plutz. This whole schmeer gets me broyges when I hear these mavens and luftmenschen kvetching about our national language. What chutzpah!”
“These shmegeges can tout their shlock about the cultural and linguistic diversity of our country and of English itself, but I, for one, am not buying their shtick. It’s all so much dreck, as far as I’m concerned. I exhort you all to be menshen about this and stand up to their fardrayte arguments and meshugganah, farshtunkene assertions. It wouldn’t be shayich to do anything else.”
“Remember, when all is said and done, we have English and they’ve got bubkes! The whole myseh is a pain in the tuchas!”
Credit: David Minkoff, A Word In Your Eye