[My thanks to Hilary for the following]
New Zealand’s Prime Minister is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone. “PM, it’s the health minister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but we have an emergency. I’ve just been told that the Durex factory in Auckland has burned to the ground and it’s estimated that the entire New Zealand supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week.”
“Oh dear,” says the Prime Minister, “the economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies – we’ll be ruined! We’re going to have to ship some in from abroad… how about the UK?”
“No chance,” replies the health minister, “the Poms would have a field day on this one.”
“What about Australia?” asks the Prime Minister.
“Maybe – but we don’t want them to know that we’re in a mess. Why don’t you call Ariel Sharon of Israel and tell him we need one million condoms. Tell him they should be ten inches long and eight inches thick. That way he’ll know how big we Kiwis really are.”
So the Prime Minister calls Sharon who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour of need in return for improved diplomatic relations. Three days later an air express van arrives in Auckland – full of boxes. A delighted Prime Minister rushes out, opens one of the boxes and finds what was ordered – condoms 10 inches long and 8 inches thick. But they are all coloured blue and white and then the Prime Minister notices, in small writing on each and every one, “MADE IN ISRAEL: SIZE = MEDIUM.”
Credit: David Minkoff, A Word In Your Eye