In a shocking blow to the reform movement, a rabbi has come out of the closet and admitted that he’s not actually Jewish. Rabbi Christopher Kennedy stated in his sermon this past Saturday that although he feels Jewish, he really isn’t, he spoke about this ordeal while encouraging anyone in the closet for anything – come out!
While some of the older congergants started mumbling incoherently in midwestern – Yiddish, many of the younger members stood up and admitted that they too weren’t actually Jewish according to tradition, but that recent improvements in Reform theology regarding patrilineal descent had allowed them to enter the tribe. We spoke to Samuel Hutchinson of Temple Emanuel “I’ve always felt Jewish, regardless of the fact that I’m not really Jewish – neither of my parents are Jewish, heck I never even ate herring, but when Rabbi Chris got up and admitted that he wasn’t Jewish either I could just feel the love for the man.”
There has been some debate in years back as to what qualifies someone as Jewish, with dwindling numbers the Reform movement has decided to allow anyone with a Jewish sounding last name to someone who enjoys a Sunday morning chopped liver sandwich on a bagel to send their children to Sunday school, but many are maddened by this free entry into the tribe, many critics of the Reform Movement’s policies are incesnsed that anyone without tesachs or crohns disease would be allowed into the tribe – “we suffered through the holocaust, through no bread on passover and through chronic illness and they get a free ride”
Sources tell us that Rabbi Chris will continue to serve as the Rabbi of Temple Emanuel, he has no plans for a conversion, he told us that feeling Jewish is all one need to do in order to be admitted “we are equal opportunity here, we let anyone in, the last thing we want to do is be deemed as prejudiced or closed minded by the goyim.”
Remember “You Don’t Have to Be Jewish to Love Levy’s”? Now there’s “You Don’t Have to be Jewish to Be a Rabbi”.
Those Reform Jews are a pill.
what’s vaguely sad about this whole thing is that i actually researched to see if it were true.
and that’s commentary enough on the situation.
what conversion? they dont do anything for conversion. no bris or hatifas dambris no mikveh, whats left besides a piece of paper? so he is as jewish as any reform ger , a goy.
Wow, that’s so shocking, I mean with a name like Christopher KENNEDY you gotta be Jewish..er, I mean Irish…what, now I’m confused….
Yes, the whole thing is very sad. I’m not Jewish, but don’t pretend to be, and I feel as though there really should be some minimal set of guidelines that even the Reform camp feels some sort of obligation to follow. I was converting Orthodox, not any long, so yes, I am very aware of the differences of conversion methods that each branch of Judaism employs. But I really don’t get how they can have an openly non-Jew as the leader of their shul….I don’t really see how the shul can be said to be Jewish anymore (that is the institution that is the shul, not the Jewish congregation.)
Yes, the whole thing is very sad. I’m not Jewish, but don’t pretend to be
Then you should probably keep your mouth shut and not prove that you are ignorant. 😉
“But I really don’t get how they can have an openly non-Jew as the leader of their shul….”
You’ve missed the “satire” element of this site, clearly…
A good percentage of that movement isn’t Jewish anyway; what’s the difference? It is a sham either way.
Which is why Karaites and Samaritans are not regarded as halachically Jewish by most Jewish sources. Over the centuries, they also intermarried and accepted converts.
Seroiusly, what kind of Jewish name is Christopher?
You might be surprised
my friend is Jewish and that’s his name.
Having studied under a Reform rabbi, I can tell you there is no universal Reform method of conversion. The rabbi that I studied under DID require that I get a circumcision and a mikvah. While I am interested in an Orthodox conversion I realize that due to my “homosexual inclination” that will never happen.
At any rate, you can’t attack the entire movement based on what a few congregations do. In fact, I asked my old rabbi about this and they are furious.
Elchanan.
I know a few gay guys that got Orthodox conversions.
It was a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell wink wink kinda thing.
Yo, chill people.
True story: I know a guy who is now frum, but not that long ago he was a “rabbi” of a messianic congregation. The story is actually fascinating. Apparently he really wanted a congregation, but was not very succesful at it until he hooked up with a messianic-leaning church. Over the course of time the members wanted to take on more yiddishkeit — and mitzvot, including kashrut, mikva, tzitzit, etc. They eventually removed references to their christian origins and started to jewify. Then many of them had the desire to formally convert — which I understand that some did (and some made aliyah). The rabbi was also chozer bitshuvah. I can’t share more details, for a variety of reasons, but I know the story is true (and I have spoke to the rabbi); but I can say that there is a good lesson here: never think that there is a point beyond return. You might know of the three cases in the gerama where someone was “koneh et olamo b’sha’a achat” — earned their (portion in the) world (to come) in one moment (the moment before they died) — even after living an immoral life. Just goes to show the power of teshuva. Ok, back to the satire.
Lovely story. This guy isnt Jewish.
no, actually he is. Born and raised. They went OTD, then returned.
who the fck cares
Do people seriously not see that this is all a joke?
Sad, isn’t it. They took the bait. Not the brightest bunch this go round.
I knew it was a farce as soon as I got to “in his sermon this past saturday.”
lol!
Where did this happen?
you’ve been doing alot of news style spoofs recently. New writing style?
A more interesting story would be “Reform Rabbi admits he is Jewish”
Just wait about 2 generations, and you may get your wish.
Not “admits”, “discovers”.
This is obviously satire but it sounds exactly like what you would find on the websites of pro-intermarriage groups like “Interfaith Families” and “Jewish Outreach Institute.” Conversion according these folks is useless because a gentile can be a better Jew than a real Jew. Gentile women can be better “Jewish mothers” than Jewish women, intermarriage is great for Judaism because it “diversifies” the Jewish community. Halacha and the Torah are not needed. It’s all about “tolerance” and not “offending” the gentiles.
These groups would be laughable if it weren’t for the influence they have among some Jewish leaders and the media. The founder of IFF was nominated for a Jewish hero award. I have no idea how a man who encourages intermarriage can be considered a Jewish hero. The founder of Joi recently wrote an article in the Huntington Post criticizing Jewish leaders who encourage inmarriage. He actually called it racist and bigoted because we all know that Jews marrying each other is anitquated.
Unfortunately this is happening a lot in the Jewish community and not just in the Reform Movement. I wouldn’t be surprised if this scenario presented in this satirical article happens soon.
Hence the reason for writing about it – although it was obviously a joke
What’s even more interesting than the article is the way that posters responded to it, especially when it appeared to confirm their existing opinions.
Well done!
Not only do some people not understand that this is satire, they barely understand what the differences are between Reform, Orthodox and Conservative Judaism.
Orthodoxy is a minority among the Jewish world. But don’t worry because Chazal teaches us not to think for ourselves. How many frummies walk around despondent because they don’t believe that Torah is min ha shamayim. How many fear to tell others that they fell off the derech. Better to belittle others and pretend that their emunah is strong.
” But don’t worry because Chazal teaches us not to think for ourselves”
Actually, true Torah Orthodoxy is all about questioning.
Note to self: go to “Jack” for all of my serious questions about orthodox Judaism. He sounds like he really knows a lot.
Hahahahahahaahahahahaha!!!! “It’s all about questioning!” Hahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahaha… !!!! That’s the funniest thing i’ve heard in years!!!
true
This post hurt my feelings. I know it’s supposed to be silly, but it cuts too close to the bone. There are so many things about reformim to make fun of, but you only ever address the same stuff that frummies bitch about.
Satire is only funny if you really know the subject.
If you’re trying to make fun of frummies and what they say about reformim, it’s not different enough from frum rhetoric to qualify as satire.
lol @ “reform-im”
So, what do you have to make fun of Reform for that is not “too close to the bone”?
Do you think the people who grew up under the messed up molester Rabbis don’t think making fun of those putzes is “too close to the bone” sometimes? I am sure they do, and I am sure I don’t care, even if Heshy might (although I would bet he doesn’t).
Now all we need is for Rav Elyashiv to admit it.
need him to admit what? He never admits things on his own, people force him to say things
Rabbi Christopher Kennedy, classic. But seriously, why are so many Reform temples called Emmanuel? And why does “Sunday morning chopped liver sandwich on a bagel” make me want to vomit? These baffling questions are what stops me from switching to Reform Judaism.
A. Sad so many posters took this as a true report.
B. Sad that you had to make light of Tay-Sachs and Crohn’s diseases.
C. Sad that Reform Judaism is just a shadow of “authentic” Judaism, which is not necessarily the extreme Orthodoxy we see today.
I thought the Tay-Sachs and Chrohn’s reference were the crown jewels of the post.
Dead babies are always good for a laugh, huh?
Diarrhea is often good for a laugh.
Sometimes. Like,
How do you get 100 dead babies into the trunk of a Volkswagon?
Cuisinart.
How do you get them out?
With a straw
Good one!
How do you fit six Yankees* into a Volkswagon?
Two in the front, three in the back, and Therman Munson in the ashtrey.
*Members of a Major League Baseball franchise. Not six guys named Yankel, Ch.V’Sh.
I’m afraid you’ve opened a can of worms with the dead baby jokes.
What’s worse than finding 10 babies nailed to a tree?
Finding one baby nailed to 10 trees…
For the record: Dead baby jokes are funny when you are 12. So grow up you morons.
However, diarrhea is ALWAYS funny.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
I knew this was fake the second I read that the rabbi was a guy and not a girl.
thats pretty damn unintelligent. obviously both men and women can get smicha in the reform movement.
I know this is a joke, but Im sure there are Reform Rabbis that aren’t halachikally Jewish
This so-called satire is in terrible taste and simply juvenile. The only reason I’m investing time in commenting is because I so dislike the intolerance by Orthodox Jews towards Jews who practice other forms of observance. Does being Reconstructionist mean I’m less Jewish than the frummies?
Yes it does, as Ive patiently explained elsewhere.
Judaism in adition to being a “people/nation” is a also a religion. (So far i assume all agree, any list of religions inevetibaly includes judaism). Therfore By not adhering to the religion (which fas you can surely understand from an orthodox perspective adhering to the religion means observing orthoodx judaism) you are less Jewish.
(To be clear Less Jewsih in the religous sense, in the Jewsih nation sense all jews are as Jewish as moses).
Hope this helps
And so, in the Reconstructionist thinking, orthodox Jews are less Jewish? As long as we can agree to both, I’m satisfied.
Im confused, Do reconstructionist view themselves as the only legitmate approach? If so then yes i suppose in their view Orthodox Jews are less Jewish
but there is no real “authentic judaism” today. It doesnt exist. So sarah might be just as right as frummies are
In her view yes.
But Orthodox Judaism doesn’t claim to be inclusive, in our view by definition, there is an authentic form- orthodox. all others are as illegitimate views of Judaism as Christianity
(Of course the paradox arises when you consider that if Reconstructist Jews view Orthodx Judaism as a legitamte form, then in a sense they are viewing themselves as illegitimate)
Not necessarily, although my version of Reconstructionism is not particularly pluralist. Conservative Judaism is a better example, being largely pluralist. Why does viewing orthodoxy as an acceptable, legitimate POV mean seeing yourself (which includes pluralist views) are illegitimate?
Simple, what john is saying is according to Orthodox judaism (by definition) there is no other legitamte form. Therfore a paradox arises if Consrvative Jew says Orthodoxy is valid, since if Orthodox is correct then conservative is not
There are HUC grads who were converted reform. They are not Halachicaly Jewish. This is not satire. But it’s all part of the show of this generation. Since reformers have an average of one child per Jewish woman; and they refuse to spend money on Jewish ed for their kid, beyond bar/bat mitzvah prep, and over half their kids marry ‘out’ anyway, this reform experiment is just a passing 200 year fad and will disappear soon enough for lack of actual dues payers.
Love the blog.
Don’t love that my picture is attached to this post.
Might I request that you take my picture down?
Wht do you have a picture of Rabbi Greg Wall?
It’s google images whatever they come up with
He’s the rabbi of the 6th st synagogue (modern ortho). He’s also a ridiculous saxophone player.
Most Reform “Jews” are likely not Jewish but what does it matter, look at us, none of us are 100% Jewish anymore. Recent genetic studies have shown your average Jew’s genes are not semetic in their majority of makeup.