Tag: Rabbis
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5284Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5284
Sitting Shiva
Moishe had a wife named Gitel, who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night (and sometimes later), for the 65 years they had been…
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5287Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5287
The Eulogy
Old man Morris had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town’s Rabbi talked at length of the good traits of the…
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5304Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5304
Met him once, too
“Our Rabbi is an extraordinary man. He is so pious that the Almighty himself comes to see him. The other day the Rabbi told…
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5305Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5305
So Stop it!!
Rabbi Sam Wolfson was giving his speech to the Jewish federation about the "Tragedy of Jewish Inter-Marriage" with non-Jews. Toward the end of his…
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5306Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5306
It Always Comes Back
A rabbi was making his rounds to his congregational members on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a…
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5308Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5308
A letter of encouragement
A Rabbi prayed to God in turmoil over the sinful state of his city, "Lord, most of the people in the city have no…
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5309Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5309
Mine’s Bigger Than Yours
I was scolding our Rabbi for his habit of starting synagogue services five or ten minutes late. I mentioned that in my years with…
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5310Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5310
Fools Go Where Wise Men Fear to Tread
Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was…
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5312Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5312
3 X 2 = 7
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks…
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5313Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5313
The Rabbi and the Sheriff
The sheriff of a small town in the South was less than cooperative with the local Jewish community. One day a dead mule was…
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5315Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5315
Before forgiveness
As the rabbi began his lecture on repentance, he asked the class, "What must we do before we can expect forgiveness from sin?" After…
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5316Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5316
For All the Young Rabbis
A young Rabbi was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small rural cemetery for a Jewish…
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5318Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5318
It Happened in Heaven
An orthodox Rabbi dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and…
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5327Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5327
No graven images
Said one man to the other after the Rabbi’s Yom Kippur sermon on the congregation’s myriad of sins: “Well, at least I haven't made…
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5377Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5377
Rabbi in a Bar?
A Hasidic rabbi walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks up and says "That's cool, where did you…
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5382Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5382
Confidential Info
Our rabbi announced that admission to one of our shul's social events would be seven dollars ($7) per person. "However," he said, "if you're…
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5391Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5391
I know I’m a fool
A young man came to a rabbi and said, "Rabbi, I know I'm a fool but I don't know what to do about it."…
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5397Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5397
The Golf Crises
O'Brien loved to play golf and would go out alone to a course and get paired up with any group that needed a fourth.…
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5401Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5401
Worse than death
Opening his front door, the Rabbi found himself face to face with the local priest. "Rabbi, may I have a few words with you?"…
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5403Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5403
21st Century Synagogue Rabbi
"Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindles to Art Scroll page 232. And please switch on your Bluetooth…
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5410Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5410
Rejected Jewish Books from Jewish Authors
10. Portnoy Is No Longer Complaining: Philip Roth writes this sequel about his hero, Alexander Portnoy in which he has nothing to complain about.…
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5415Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5415
The Shtetel Band
Moshe was lying on his deathbed. "You only have a little while longer in this world," the kindly rabbi warned the sick man. "If…
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5443Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5443
The Test
An old rabbi had a teenage son and he wanted to see what the boy would be like when he grew into a man.…
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5153Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5153
A pig on the table, a girl in the bed
An old Jew seeks advice: - I'm in trouble, rabbi. Yesterday, my only son had a pig on the table and a Christian girl…