BT’s a strange breed, if there was a graph documenting the progress, it would have a very steep starting line followed by a pretty far drop, then a raise and then leveling off. At the point where BT’s (sometimes this can take years) become regular old frum people, they begin to do certain things that their former selves would have cringed at – but they are no longer labeled as baalei teshuva, they have officially become regular old frum folks.
20 ways to you tell you have finally abandoned your BT status:
You start talking in shul (you can always spot the few FFB’s in northern California by looking for folks talking in shul)
You stop wearing techeles in your tzitzis
You stop wearing your tzitzis yeshivish style
You start listening to non-Jewish music again and regret that time you threw out all of you secular music
You start showing your elbows (girls)
You join facebook again
You start becoming a little cynical about Judaism
You don’t go to shul every day
You stop kissing your hand after you shake other people’s hands
You don’t bow for modiim like a madman
You admit to people that you weren’t always frum
You start to admit that you miss certain treife foods (bring up bacon with BT’s if you want to take part in an interesting conversation)
You reminisce with other BT’s about your former life
You aren’t the last person saying shemona esrei anymore
You stop being so machmir and start looking for heterim
You stop going nuts to get a little flame on your hands by havdallah (I have noticed that BT’s are all about getting the hands in the flame during the aish portion of havadallah)
You stop shuckeling like a maniac
You start to develop the clammy dead fish handshake a little more
You begin to knowingly break halacha
Your yarmulke actually looks normal (BT’s always try to wear the yarmulke the rabbi or organization being mekarev them wears – it usually makes them look dumb)
You begin to openly admit that you miss wearing pants – specifically jeans (girls)
…you start using the next level of frumspeak. lechoyra, toyra, gadlus, geferlach, shteig, shtim, bavarning, etc
That’s more for when modern orthodox kids come back from their year in Israel
You finally nail that gutteral “ch” sound
You mean pronouncing a Chet as a voiceless pharyngeal fricative?
Oh, snap.
That’s more for converts. Maybe you can include BTs raised with nothing. Usually Reform and Conservative Jews are sufficiently competent when pronouncing ch that it’s not even an issue.
when you realize that half the things you’ve been told to do are Chumras.
This!!!! So freaking true. Two years ago I heard a Rabbi speak who said ‘There is no level of Kosher or Tznius there is simply Kosher or not kosher, tznius or not tznius. There is custom and there is halacha.”
It was awesome. Remembering it always gives me strength, particularly around pesach time when well meaning friends ask us if we are going to go up a level (like its mario bros or something) and stop eating gerbokts. Its annoying but at least I know its not necessary.
“…like it’s Mario Bros. or something…”
That’s the funniest thing I read all day!!
Like!
Basically sums up the whole Torah. One beardface after another adding his made-up rules until we are all guilt ridden and miserable.
You stop using the fake Israeli accent when davening and screaming amen yehe shemei raba!
Wait, Israeli accent?
I’m pretty sure you mean “Ashkenazi pronunciation”, no?
I even heard a guy who must have been a BT sing Hatikva with Ashkenazi pronunciation; no joke.
Awesome!
Oyyyyd lo ovdo sikvaseyyynu
Kol Oyd BaLeyvov Penimo,
Nefesh Yehudi Hoymiyo
But i’m Israeli! i always have the accent!
Having a real israeli accent when davening is perfectly cool, it is the fake Israeli modern orthodox pronunciation that irks the ear.
Very often, the Israeli “Raish” ends up sounding like a “Waish”. That’s usually a dead BT giveaway, although sometimes it could just be a random Frum dude taking his aliyah a little too seriously.
You accept that other Jews have a right to be on their own level and not constantly try and shame them or show them ‘the errors of their ways’
They also don’t no longer cringe when a secular Jew talks about something they enjoyed about the secular world eg talking about celebrity fashion
I’m not sure if I was imagining it but I’m pretty sure I saw a BT dip his pinkies in the wine after Kiddush on Shabbos day.
Got to love the Tshuk Juice… their really cool humans.
U stop thinking ur mashiach. No wait thats not true.
its sad how i connected to this one most and im into kiruv. its like when ever you mention the idea that we dont know who moshiach is anyone could be moshiach, the people start getting all antsy and want to know if they could be theoretical candidates. whats up with that? (this particular quark doesnt apply to lubabs.)
what about instead of saying Toe-ruh it turns to Toy-ruh (pronounced “oiy”) in attemp to get the yeshivish “oi” instead of “oh”… oh wait thats also modox kids coming back from israel
Very seldomly do any of them actually get it right.
No, sorry, after 45 years, yes that long, I still feel “different” from FFB’s. Maybe superficially, you wouldn’t notice, but it’s an internal feeling.
I wonder Batya: How do you feel about a site like frumsatire? I would think it’d help Baalei Teshuva feel more at ease. What’re your feelings?
thats because you think your better then ffb’s. you believe your life experiences have brought you closer to g-d then the sheltered ffb’s. its really an ego issue. its like you probably only know the gemara that states that baalei teshuva are greater then tzaddikim but you probably dont know that its actually a machloket in the gemara and the other holds that baalei teshuva arent on a higher level. or how bout the gemara that says a tzaddik ben tzaddik is better then a tzaddik ben rasha, well no actually you probably heard that last one but you found some pshat to show you that it doesnt apply to you and baalei teshuva are still greater.
Everyone’s life experiences should make them better.
ok , thats your opinion and thats nice and dandy but its evidently a bit more complicated than that.
Lol. Dude u sound kinda butt hurt. Bts paskan (when they clearly shouldn’t b paskaning) waaaay too much but I don’t think they think they r bttr than fbbs.
For the record, I’m pretty sure the qoute is that a tzaddik doesn’t stand where a bt stands, meanin a tzadik doesn’t expiriance wat a bt goes through so the tzaddik n bt feel that they cannot relate to eachother
all apply to me lol minus the bacon
You really did the havdala-flame thing?
What happens if you decide to drop all the bad English grammar habits you picked up (like using “by” as the catch-all pronoun), and think Yiddish should be replaced with Aramaic as the Jewish lingua franca?
“by” is a preposition
You stop trying to be Mekareb the universe
You actually admit that the text of the Gemorah has mistakes
You stop wearing a Na Na Nachman Yarmulka
You don´t say tehilim or learn a sefer in the bus anymore and instead use your iPod (With goyishe music)
You don´t think your parents are apikorsim and actually did a descent job
You start dressing normally
You stop saying your parents are apikorsim
You don´t read tehilim on the bus anymore (and instead, listen to Goiyshe music on your IPod)
You admit that the gedolim CAN make mistakes
You admit the text of the gemorah has some mistakes
You stop doing crazy kabalastic besumim things at any time you want
You stop trying to be Mekareb the universe
you stop being mekareb the universe
you stop reading tehillim on the bus
you start wearing normal clothes again
you stop thinking all gedolim are perfect
you stop saying your parents are apikursim
“you stop being mekareb the universe” been there done that
stop deleting my comments!
a comment
What’s the Yeshivish style of wearing Tzitzit?
I guess he just means ‘outside’.
Yeshivish style for wearing tzitzis is wearing them, but grouped up all at the sides.
LOL, around half that list applies to me.
just want to clarify, you are referring to ashkenaz american baalei teshuva. sfardi israeli baalei teshuva are a different breed.
Discovering soy strips and telling your FFB neighbors how it tastes like the “real item”
Something I’ve been wondering… how do you define a BT?
I grew up Convservative, and though I wasn’t exactly observant, I was involved and knowledgeable. Then, I went to Israel, and starting keeping Shabbat, and upped my kashrut observance so I eat milchigs out but not meat. But I still call myself Conservative, because Conservative Judaism actually does call for observance of halacha, even though most Conservative Jews don’t listen. So, does this make me a BT? Or did I just “frum out”?
I’m definitely different from the standard stereotype of a BT, in that I started out knowledgeable and partially observant, and ended up not Orthodox. So, I didn’t change as much as they did, yet I feel like I crossed some kind of “invisible line” regardless, from nonobservant to observant. And in many ways I feel the same as “regular” BTs, especially with regards to my family.
How can you be a BT if your no Orthodox?
You’ve raised children who are FFB’s, and in shidduchim, and no one even asks whether or not you’re a BT.