Someone once told me that they saw a woman making out with a Torah and I said that it obviously wasn’t an orthodox shul because in orthodox shuls the women usually don’t get close enough to the Torah to achieve full lip contact, let alone enough time to get any tongue in there, so they usually just use their siddur to kiss the Torah – which never really sat right with me anyway.
So how are you supposed to kiss the Torah anyway?
I’m a hand kisser, the classic not much doing kind of guy that I am – if I happen to be in shul early enough to catch the Torah being brought out before laining I will tap the torah and then kiss my hand, I feel this is the easiest way to kiss the Torah and most tznius. I try not to turn women on while I’m in shul and I know that a hunky guy like self getting hot and heavy with the Torah isn’t really the right thing for shabbos morning so I lay low.
There are all types of Torah kissers, there are those that clasp it with two hands and plant a big one on it’s forehead and those that take their siddur, touchb the torah and then touch the siddur to the lips – is this counted? It seems like 2 degrees of separation when it comes to kissing is a bit un-intimate to say the least. How would a girl feel if I kissed a book and she kissed the book in the same exact spot? Doesn’t seem to romantic to me, yet people are willing to screw around with the sacred text kissing practice and these two degrees of separation.
If you really loved the Torah you would want a peace of it, you would want to get in on that and show your love and appreciation. Not everyone can get a full lipped kiss, but most people kiss without any feeling or touching, they pat one on the Torah’s cover and leave quickly as if they were saying goodbye to their mother in law at a train station. Show a little love, grab it and give it a hug or something – the only time (outside of chabad-bresslov style shuls) you see people really grabbing the Torah and showing it some love is at hakafos on simchas torah, which really shouldn’t count because that’s kind of what the holiday’s about anyway, right?
I wonder if people blow kisses to the Torah? Or maybe they refrain because they feel that kissing should only be between man and wife once a month on mikvah night and even then it’s a little untznius since it’s an obvious takeover of the animal soul because it doesn’t lead to having children.
Nice one, gave me some smiles during class
You forgot the most important question – not only how do you kiss the Torah, but how many people did you push out the way to get close enough to kiss it.
You can’t REALLY love the Torah if you didn’t push at least a few old men out the way to show that you’re the holiest in th shul.
If a woman kisses the Torah in the same spot that a man just kissed it, some serious shomer negiah violations are involved. Definitely not appropriate on Shabbos morning, and kal v’chomer, definitely not appropriate in shul. Women should be careful to kiss the Torah in a spot that a man has not touched.
Hmm, kissing something that many people have kissed before, isn’t that a bit icky? Isn’t that the whole point of monogamy 😉 And all those germs, ach. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone kissing the Torah during a regular service, in my shul people do the twice-removed kiss with siddur or tzitzit.
Call me frigid, but I’m not into kissing objects; I feel silly kissing the mezuzah (via hand) or the siddur. Which reminds me: I reckon 50% of the siddurim in my shul have lipstick kisses on the pages – not on just any page, but I can’t remember where. Any ladies reading this, could you explain? (I’m sure some people find this very sexy and un-tznius)
I feel guilty if I don’t kiss the Torah, but I dont like standing around waiting to shake hands with the rabbi and president, etc…
Just a peck on the cheek. I love the Torah, but not THAT way.
lol!
“How would a girl feel if I kissed a book and she kissed the book in the same exact spot?”
Naive question: is this a possible loophole to shomer negiah?
Also, thanks! You are the first frum yid I have ever heard talk about being careful not to “turn on” the maidelach on shabbos. 😉 Even if it was sort of a joke. . . No one ever talks about what the ladies are actually looking at through the holes in the mechitza……
I have a post called Shomer Negiah loopholes which examines the halachic requirements when bypassing shomer negiah.
https://www.frumsatire.net/2008/12/17/shomer-negiah-loopholes/
yessssss……
of course people blow kisses-what do you think all the women in the upstairs women’s section do?
this is one of the funniest articles i ever read in my life!!! in my shul, when they bring out the torah i have to quickly move towards the back of the shul so that i don’t get trampled by the torah groupies. watching them sometimes makes me a little sick, and sometimes makes me feel bad that i don’t love the torah enough to throw myself at it.
favorite line:” I try not to turn women on while I’m in shul and I know that a hunky guy like self getting hot and heavy with the Torah isn’t really the right thing for shabbos morning so I lay low.”
True story: West Hampton Synagogue- the women take the Torah kissing quite seriously- closed eyes etc.. – that week’s chazzan (to remain nameless) , while giving the ladies the opportunity for some torah love, took the liberty to quickly pull away the torah and insert his cheek… Talk about Chaz-nus.. At least it was his cheek.
I sincerely hope he was kicked hard and repeatedly in the knaidlach
Dont know if this is already known and the post is just satire, but the reason women touch the prayer book to the Torah and then kiss the book is because they are not allowed to kiss the Torah when they are a nidah (is that how you spell it?). Most women dont want everyone to know their business, so they do it that way no matter what part of their cycle they are on.
You can look it up, but that reason is totally false – in the dozens of halachic responses to why we don’t let women hold the torah – everyone agrees that it’s just one of thsoe things we don’t do – nothing to do with niddah status
A lot of men also touch their siddur to the Torah, not just women. Sometimes I touch my siddur to the Torah, and sometimes I touch my tzitzit, but I don’t usually bend to kiss it directly because I don’t want to accidentally fall and knock it down or knock other people around me down.
Oh. Sorry. That was what the ladies told me, so I just followed- didnt really care so I never looked into it.
I wish I was a holy Sefer Torah,
A holy Sefer Torah is what I wish to be,
For if I was a holy Sefer Torah,
Then all the boys would give a kiss to me.
As quoted to me by my daughter when in high school oer 25 years ago.