The Tyranny of Hagbah
Guest Post by Charles Zucker
No bully has ever kicked sand in my face. And though I was never a 97-pound weakling I am now a slightly doughy, 200ish pound weakling. I only have two fears: spiders and getting called for hagbah. No one wants to be the guy who drops the torah and make everyone in the congregation fast for 40 days (I don’t think that’s exactly true but that’s what they always told us).
I have successfully done hagbah before. Still, it was always a thing. I tried not to grunt. Tried not to let me face show that it was an effort. Don’t let on how close I am to pitching the torah into the drink.
I have good hagbah technique: roll out a little scroll until it’s taut, slide the Torah off the podium and thrust in the air in one motion. Looking to get at least three and a half columns.
One day the worst, or almost worst, actually happened. I had hid out in my shul long enough until it was finally my turn for hagbah. I decided to go for nonchalant. I casually grabbed the handles, spilled out 3 1/2 columns (the minimum amount to prove manhood) and lifted into the air and… and… my arms betrayed me. One end started to fall. “Guys…” I called out. No one seemed to notice that one end was headed south.. “Guys!” Then two guys run over to rescue me. To complete the humiliation, one of the guys, in front of everyone, squeezed my bicep and pronounced it underinflated. Is this the moment that made a man out of Mack? Naaah. I’m reminded that I have worked in front of a computer for the last seven years and have all kinds of repetitive stress nerve damage in both my hands and arms. Yeah, that’s it.
So now I’m in a new shul. I’ve been a part of this minyan for over a year and have somehow managed to avoid hagbah. I was once asked, but begged off because of a broken rib, which was true. However, I fear my luck is soon running out. Multiple day chagim, with two torahs, readily to eat up lifters. 7th Day Pesach I was sure that I would finally be called on so I left. For a few minutes. Just long enough.
As of this writing, I still haven’t been called on. And I’m still living in terror. I always believed that there were two kinds of men in this world – Hag-bites and Gali-lites. Hagbites parade around, get girls, eat rocks. Galillites talk softly and occasionally splash lavender water on their vaginas. I may be exaggerating but only a little. I’m not avoiding, I’m just postponing until I can get back into shape. What do I have to do – push-ups? Arm curls? Am I really the only one living in hagbah terror?
Find more hagba terror on 4torah.com
What if you’re neither?
Man UP! In my conservative egalitarian synagogue, we have women who lift three columns for Hagbah, even on one of the heavy torahs.
I meant between Hag-bites and Galil-ites. I’m neither. I can do both, but I also am not super popular?
This is Mordche.
… and they can be found in the Women Seeking Women section of Jdate
While we certainly have, and welcome lesbian couples as members (and would welcome gay couples as well though we don’t currently have any), the women who do hagbah tend to be more of the exercise/zumba/fitness freak types. There is at least one woman who does hagbah just to show off (definitely not tsnius-dik even if she is wearing sleeves to her wrists). Her husband would be a lunk if he was not a doctor.
reminds me of the story of Sammy.
Sammy was called to the Torah for Haggbah. The Gabbai warned him that the Torah was heavy and Sammy shrugged it off. After lifting up the Torah, Sammy couldnt manage and the Torah started to pitch and yaw until the gabbai and other concerned citizens jumped up to help right the ship.
Sammy was embarrassed and vowed to make things right. He started going to the gym, working out and building up his upper body strength.
After 2 months, Sammy heard his name called again in shul. With new found confidence he strode up to the bimah, unrolled the torah to 7 columns and lifted it straight up in the air (none of that leveraging it off the shulchan garbage). He did 5 spins around and sat down, rolling up the torah himself.
Sammy saw that the entire congregation was staring agape at his performance and he smiled to himself knowing that they had to be impressed with his haggbah. – especially after last time.
He called over to the gabbai and said, “nu, that was a pretty impressive haggbah, no?” to which the Gabbai responded, “it certainly was, but i called you up for shishi…”
LOL, I am so stealing this joke!! Thanks !!
Classic rabbi joke
In Yeshiva high school we had to fulfill the state requirement for physical education — you think they allowed us to play baseball? No way, that was bittul Torah! Instead, they had us practice yeshivish PE.: Lift a hagba, shlog kapores, shake the lullav, stomp the circle dance, repeat. nuch-amol (again), lift a hagba, slog kapors, shake the lullav, stomp the feet, nuchamol.
We miss u telz, so many things to make fun of- we need your humor that only 10% are smart enough to get
At my old shul,where most were elderly men, I would get called for haggbah a lot.Being 6’3″ and close to 300 pounds,I always had it on Simcha Torah since I was the only one that could do the crossed arm lift and reverse the Torah in mid air LOL
I have retired from doing hagbah. The exception is this mini Sefer Torah we have at this house minyan I attend. Hagbah scares me – I’m not afraid to say this.
My family does not go to shul much but our five year old still considers being able to do hagba the height of physical strength. “I have to eat my vegetables so one day I will be strong enough to lift the Torah” and other such comments are regularly heard from him. Hopefully he will be bigger and more powerful than his parents . . . we are small and lacking the upper body strength.
I find it easiest to pick a fight with the gabbai, and insult him, and make him hate me, so that he never gives me anything.
No probs with hagbah. Even a heavy sefer is mostly about proper leverage until one is a total weakling. I have seen folks refuse and there is no shame in doing so.
Anyone see a Torah actually drop??
I almost dropped at a cousin’s son’s bar mitzvah…I did a great multi-column lift, spun, and then proceeded to sit down with the scrolls wide-open. The heavier side then became imbalanced (because I forgot to put the Torah back on the podium and roll it up before I sat down) and the crowd made a collective “Whoa”. Luckily, a couple fellows stabilized the one imbalanced side and rolled it tight while I was sitting. Embarrassing to the max!
Lightweight. You want anxiety? Try hagbah in a Sephardi shul. It’ as like pulling a tree out by the roots.
and you have to walk with it and allow everyone to kiss it
It’s all in the front deltoids (shoulder muscles)!
As a Gabi – if a guy says he can’t do Hagbah – I don’t make a big deal out of it and make a mental note not to ask him again. Also when asking an out of towner I will let him know if it is a heavy sefer or a light one (we have both) and give them a way to bow out nicely. You also have to keep in mind if a guy is a righty or a lefty so you can give him Hagbah with the weight on the side that is easier for him.
I was recent called to Hagbah. As with one of the other respondents, getting called to Hagbah was always a cause for anxiety with me. It had been a while since I had been called and it has sometimes been a challenge… especially when the two sides are unbalanced. My lift was a little shaky and those at the bima helped me get steady. No big problems but, needless to say, I was very embarrassed.
Having ready this and a few other pages, I think it is more a matter of my technique than pure strength. I will ask if I can get some “off line” help practicing now that I know there are better ways. Maybe I will also have to “man up” and start doing more strength exercises too!