I have always been attracted to the other. I am a baal teshuva coming from a secular family, a white alum from a mostly minority college in a black neighborhood, an Ashkenazi living in a Bukharian neighborhood, a youngster in a shul of mostly seniors. So homogeneity was never for me. Put me in the middle of Idaho, and I will start complaining about the place being too white-bread.
Having reached the proper age for marriage, I tried Jewish girls, but they all seem to come with a unique type of baggage known as the Jewish mother. As the time-honored adage goes, a rottweiler knows when to let go. By definition, most gerim would be less attached to their gentile parents than natural-born Jews.
Converts also tend to be more excited about their faith than most natural-born Jews. I would like a wife who will take a strong stand for tradition, not someone who teeters on the brink of feminism and gay rights. Why should I worry that one day, my wife may rebel and throw her wig or tichel into the East River?
Earlier this week, I attended a Borough Park wedding, where hidden in the white crowd of women across the mechitza, was a black Jewish woman, and not far from her, an Asian Jew. I could imagine marrying this beautiful convert. The boring native-born wives would show off their catalog-model wigs and Shabbos robes, but my wife has her own history month, with its own cuisine, music, and poetry, that can enrich my Shabbat table. Guests will come from far and wide to taste my wife’s kosher soul food. It’s like tasting some forbidden fruit, instead of the usual cholent.
My wife will go to a bodega for food shopping, and get a discount by ordering in Spanish. She will put the Black Israelites of Times Square to shame, publicly debating them, quoting Chumash in fluent Hebrew. She will earn plenty of dough, teaching Chinese to kids at some preppy Manhattan yeshiva.
I know the rabbinate of Israel may give her problems, but I will be so proud of her. We will make aliyah, to some Samarian hilltop, living among the Bnei Menashe and Peruvian olim. The Arabs will grind their teeth in anger, seeing a convert with more rights to this land than them. And best of all, no Jewish mother-in-law busting my chops 24-7!
This was actually quite adorable. I’m not a convert, but I’m sure the convert women out there would be pleased to hear that men like you exist.
Why not really shoot for the moon and fuse your last paragraph by “kiruving” (in the sense that the probability that her maternal line at some point had a Jew/Samaritan/Judean is much, much, much, much greater than from the world population at large) the Arab girl currently residing on that hilltop.
That would really stir things up.
You may be onto something, Meir! “Following years of research, Mr Misinai says he can claim with virtual certainty that 90 per cent of Palestinians are descended from Jews.”
http://riverscrap.typepad.com/home/2009/08/oy-vey-90-of-palestinians-have-jewish-heritage.html
Hilarious, I’m partial to the Asian girls though, I hear they’re really good at math 😉
Yeah, you’re after math.. c’mon
OK, they’re also really good with laundry, why’s everyone so cynical these days?
Or maybe they have a reputation of being promiscuous. They are very needy. Haven’t you ever seen them on the subway holding on to some man for dear life like it is the Titanic and he can save them?
or maybe we shouldn’t stereotype entire races of people, yeah, I’m going to go with that one.
or perhaps, we can take a joke as a joke (even if it’s not that funny)
Imagine a “tight” Asian who would pedicure and manicure me twice a week….Not to mention the massages and happy endings!!!
But on a more serious note, Yes they are good at math.
Jewcrew,
Gotta love those happy endings, does that come after “me love you long time”?
Hey, I know who wrote this!
You know, there are white converts, too?
So, soooo many things wrong with this post.
1. Not all Jews of color are gerim. Heshy has posted videos, I believe, of MaNishtana, for instance, who’s a black Jew FFB 5 generations. Your assumption that those women were converts was unwarranted.
2. Not all people of color are into soul food or are native Spanish speakers. These are called stereotypes. They are bad.
3. You can be for feminism and gay rights and still cover hair, or vice versa. Feminism (famously called “the radical assertion that women are people”) need not be at odds with even the strictest Orthodoxy.
4. You think Jews are the only people with mother issues, and gerim won’t have them? Ha. Hahaha.
It seems like you’re not interested in these women of color as people, but as exotic, yet safe (because they’re from another race while still permissible, still Jewish). I know you think your attractions are flattering to those women, but it’s not really positive for Jews of color. Going for women of color because you want someone exotic depersonalizes them just as much as refusing to date them because of their color.
Do us a favor: marry a woman of color. Marry a white woman. I don’t really care. But do it because of the woman, not because of her race. Anything less is just insulting.
You tell him Channah – I like the passion
“Feminism (famously called “the radical assertion that women are people”) need not be at odds with even the strictest Orthodoxy.”
That is, until you start talking about an agunah, then they are not people. According to Orthodoxy, men matter more when it comes to freedom.
Yes, this. You put it much better than I could have.
This. This. So many times, this.
agreed. the description of non-white converts as “the other” reveals some deep-seated racist beliefs. you probably just need to leave brooklyn to escape the attack of the clone sheitels/straightened hair, black, and “okay fines.”
I’m gonna let you in on a politically incorrect secret about people, both men and women: some times “the other” is more attractive. I married my wife for the amazing woman that she is, not because she is Japanese but here’s the truth, I had zero interest in white women for years before I met her. She on the other hand had never dated a Japanese man in her life. Fortunately for us, even though we grew up half way around the world we were somehow lead to each other. Just because a man or a woman wants the other isnt always a reason to get all high and mighty.
Well said, Chanah.
Wow, I was just cruising for this comment so that I didn’t have to write it, the JOC not all being gerim part. As a JOC it’s terribly obnoxious when people assume I’m a convert, and here in Israel, that I’m not even Jewish (that’s cuz I’m American, though!) 🙂
Wait, you get a discount for ordering in Spanish?
Yeah, sort of, the price is not a hard and set price, but this usually applies to Dominican restaurants which are treif and thus irrelevant. I’m white, but, I used to live on my arroz con habichuelas y puerca risado. Wash that down with a Frambuesa soda and mamacita is all good to go…
WAS, not is good to go… let’s just clarify before someone runs around saying that I’m still eating traif. I haven’t eaten pork since 2006.
Hey Chana –
It was satire. Well written and funny. Get the sand out of your vagina.
i wonder how many people will get thew south park reference….
I thought this article was really sweet and glad to hear that there are open men out there.
But I believe this view is idealistic. There are MANY issues that would effect such an inter-racial/inter-cultural marriage.
1. acceptance by the larger community (not everyone is so open)
2. dealing with the schools
3. funny stares
4. the possibility that your kids won’t be accepted.
Anyone who marries a convert and particularly a convert of color has to be extra sensitive and have a lot of spine.
I agree with your comment to a certain extent. You do need a backbone, but not everyone who is in this kind of relationship has problems. My husband and I have never had an issue in any community we’ve lived in. We’ve also never had issues in or with school and our biracial kids are accepted. We do on occasion receive stares; however, once people figure out I’m Jewish they typically stop looking.
Also, I’m afraid that if you take the treif ingredients out of Spanish soul food you end up with something that is surprisingly similar to… CHOLENT! (Talking from experience here.)
You could also go for the BT, who often shares your enthusiasm.
But, aah. There’s still that Jewish mother-in-law problem.
As a convert, all I can say is, “HECK YEAH!”
Our zealousness is hot, and it’ll make you a better Yid 🙂
Fetishizing “exotic” cultures is so awesome!!!
Reminds me of Jungle fever.
Oh come on….Are you kidding me?
Was this supposed to be a very long pick-up line addressed to any female convert looking for marriage?
Enjoyed it all the same.
This was sweet, in a way- I’m sure you’ll make for some ger a very devoted husband.
But don’t think so badly on those of us born-Jews! I’m not sure I’d call myself a baalat teshuva, but for lack of a better term… and I’m not so bad! Anyway, I don’t think believing in women’s rights and gay rights is such a bad thing- I’d say it’s commendable.
As much as I like Heshy and the others’ posts, the most entertaining part of Frumsatire.net is to see all the MO “I’m-smarter-than-the-rabbis” women who got fired for trying to outdo their bosses rant about how the post isn’t politically correct, completely missing the point of the post.
“That is, until you start talking about an agunah, then they are not people. According to Orthodoxy, men matter more when it comes to freedom.”
Become Muslim and wear a qefiye or ferigee or whatever the heck those tents are called. Then you can have freedom to hoar all day if you want to, b/c your husband wont recognize you. And if such a woman gets raped, she gets killed too. LIBERTY!
Very cute (now if Jews only really felt this way)!
my parents’ guatemalan housekeeper make the sickest chulent. hands down. maybe i should watch what she puts in more carefully next time… 🙂
The boring native-born wives would show off their catalog-model wigs and Shabbos robes, but my wife has her own history month, with its own cuisine, music, and poetry, that can enrich my Shabbat table. Guests will come from far and wide to taste my wife’s kosher soul food
I LOVE IT-CUTE
umm I agree with the sidenote….its not always easy to be married to a Jew od color but we are cool!
Chanah K- I understand what you mean, but……….
Some of us don’t make soul food, but I do speak fluent Spanish.
can I just say? THIS POST IS AWESOME.
More attacks on real Jewish women from self-hating Judenrat Jewish men. Hitler would be proud. There’s nothing like the real thing. You are a nazi pig. Most of these shiksas who “convert” only do it for marriage. They won’t last. Go and marry your shiksa and have gentile children. Merry Christmas and happy Easter. We don’t need you!
Haha….”real jewish woman” you are kinda proving his point….A psycho narrow minded jewish woman. Personally I think marrying a ger tzedek, a righteous convert whose soul heard the call from Sinai and has the stregnth to convert to a very difficult and demanding religion cannot be a bad thing. Also I would opine that it is far more likely for a man to have ulterior motives than a woman….women are more spiritual. I have met many righteous converts and I find many of them fascinating. They arrived to the truth by themselves, giving them a very unique perspective on judaism.
Commonbeinoni,
A true ger tzedek is getting harder to find in every generation. That is why the conversion standard is becoming more stringent, and why some will never marry a ger. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, just stating the facts as they are.
I’m a psycho because I don’t like being attacked? You are the psycho anti-semitic pig. To you real Jewish women are nothing but trash who deserve to be ridiculed and abused by ugly Judenrat men. You and S. are nothing but nazi pigs! Marry a shiksa and go away. Gentile worshipping pig!
A pig isn’t kosher. The Internet isn’t kosher (see the computer-smashing ceremony at Machane Yisroel). You’re on the Internet.
Therefore (by Internet logic) …
I’ll leave the conclusion to you.
Real Jewish woman,
Chill out! I don’t think this poster was serious, and if he was, he isn’t very mature. No one in their right frame of mind can think that it’s worth marrying a black or Asian ger just because the cook differently. Anyone wanting to do so in today’s frum society, will likely encounter enough bigotry and racism to deter them from doing so.
That being said, moshe Rabbeinu married a black gyoress, daughter of the world’s biggest idolater. Yehoshua married Rachav, another black gyoress that lived her former life as Jericho’s most famous prostitute. David Hamelech and subsequently Mashiach, descend from a Moabite convert as well, etc, etc.
A Giyoret isn’t a Shiksa.
TEFILINOV,
There are some wonderful single Jewish Japanese ladies here in Tokyo you might want to meet.
wow, i can’t believe i totally missed this post!
it’s adorable and really quite flattering! i myself am a geirus – i was born irish catholic and sport long thick red curls and millions of freckles to prove it! and skin that is allergic to tanning 😛
to all the commentors who felt the need to bash this man for his post – seriously, it’s a satirical site!
and to those of you who said most gerim convert for marriage or are “shiksas” – i myself converted very young, before i even know my husband and i know for a fact that all of my close friends and family (around 15 geirim in the group) who converted did it for their love of yiddishkeit!