I have decided that the more shidduch dates I go out on, the lonelier I get. It may just be the fact that the dead of winter is upon me- and my bikes gather dust as I sit and long for them and their happiness they provide- or maybe the fact that my ski season was cut short by two months- but these last few weeks I have been lonely.
I have been out with 6 girls in the past month or so and notice that with each date I get lonelier. They all take the same route, shadchun or friend reads proposed girl to me- she sounds amazing, I call her up- either it goes great or terrible- its never mediocre. Then I go out with them and it either goes great or terrible. Then I get the rejection a couple days later, usually I wanted to reject anyway- but you see the problem is when you are the rejected one you feel all the more worse. If you are the one rejecting the girl- you feel like the load if off your shoulders- but once you get rejected you start to think that maybe she wasn’t so bad after all.
Only one of the girls in the last 6 was that bad, she was the best on paper, in theory, based on interests and hashkafa- but based on her boring personality all theory was thrown out the window. The other girls all had amazing personalities- looks well that may not be the best- but I never deny a girl a second dates based on looks- its a my philosophy. Looks to me are a distant second in importance to personality.
I have just found these days when I get into the routine of going out once a week or so- then suddenly the wells dry up IE no more prospective dates, I go into depressed lonely mode. Like I am never going to meet anyone etc…- which I am sure many of my readers can relate to. Then I debate joining frumster, going to singles weekends and hanging out in Washington heights a little more.
I met my husband in Washington Heights–maybe it will work for you too.
Sorry you are in this mode. I think you would feel better if you went to singles events and tried a shabbaton. Variety is a good thing and then you see more people that are in your situation. I felt great when I was on the online dating sites there is lots of excitement going on all the time even when not dating. Just have to be careful. Even if dates don’t come out of it you get great socialization and may make new friends. Give it a shot you are daring! Go for it! Feel good:)
Well at least the Assembly interns that are frum enough to wear kippahs love you.
The problem with singles events is this- I am at the younger end of the spectrum and therefore most of the people will probably be 5 years my senior.
But on the other hand I can always wright about them- which would make many of my loyal fans shep much nachas.
Ari- just because you have man boobs and big love handles doesnt mean you can handle my love
It depends which events you go to, find out the age range before you go. The worst case scenario as you said your readers will get good posts to read:)
Oh they will get a good post- I am going on one this weekend- I will be the youngest- but my age range is 21-30 for going out so it wont be that bad.
Well since you’re so interested in the outdoors, why don’t you join an outdoors club? Community colleges usually have classes such as “Intro to Hiking” or something like that? If you live in an area that has a large Jewish community you are bound to find someone there. I think the problem for you might be that going on blind dates doesn’t work.
Old post, but nevertheless, you are partially right, the problem is that I hate group outings, either me by myself or with one other person. I go to the woods to be away from people.
so you don’t really want a girl into the outdoors?
Oh I definitely do, I just have to meet one and I have met many of them- none of them have been for me as of yet.
oh
I don’t know you at all but based on your postings, you have found some women that you liked personality and interests wise but they were unattractive to you when you met them. You know when you meet someone and they become more attractive over time as you get to know them? Maybe the joining a club thing would work for you better?
rather than shidduch dating