I’m not the hugest fan of making lists, but every once in a while I like to bust them out and this came to mind late Thursday night when I opened an email from a fan of mine who attends Ramaz and had an argument with someone there about whether Drakes Cakes were goyishe or Jewish and I really don’t know what the answer is, but if you asked me whether Pork or Cheeseburgers were goyishe or Jewish – I would have to say Jewish – since both are hated, revered and brought up to prove many Jewish points – I would label them as Jewish and not goyishe.
I had a pretty deep list by the time (aprox. 1 in the morning pacific time) I decided to post this idea to Facebook. Typically when I post an idea to facebook I may get upwards of 50 comments. I asked people to give me ideas for really goyishe things (I warned them not to be cheesy – still some people said things like “having concerts during the three weeks and omer”) and within several minutes there were 200 comments – no joke – as of now there are 425 comments on the facebook status update – a personal record.
This list can easily be extended to 1000’s of items long and I kind of want to do similar lists for each sect within Judaism and I hope that you folks can come up with some good ideas, but please keep away from the cheese. I tried to think of things that are REALLY Goyishe and you will notice that I tried to stay away from things like food and places that are very goyishe because that’s too easy.
1. Pork Rinds
2. Surf and Turf
3. Hunting
4. Highschool Football
5. Prom
6. Candy Apples
7. Taxidermy
8. Long stem roses
9. Mini-skirts
10. BDSM
11. Renewing their vows
12. Yachts
13. Country Clubs
14. Blond wavy hair
15. Sun rooms
16. Backyard barbecues
17. Garage Sales
18. Country Music
19. Utah
20. Foreskins
21. Beer cans
22. Mood lighting
23. Tanning salons
24. Truck stops
25. Dinner parties
26. Spam
27. Diesel Pickup trucks
28. Napa Valley
29. Jesus
30. Monster trucks
31. Lawn care
32. Chewing tobacco
33. Nascar
34. Sports bars
35. Working on the car
36. Spandex
37. Horse back riding
38. Williams Sonoma
39. Pimping the car
40. Hooters
41. Tramp stamps
42. Saturday morning cartoons
43. Brunch
44. Power tools
45. Segways
46. Body shots
47. Bar fights
48. Carhart
49. Overalls
50. Darts
51. Corduroy
52. Mullets
53. Rat Tails
54. Cut off shorts
55. Strippers (strip clubs are inherently Jewish though)
56. Badminton
57. Polo
58. Horse Racing
59. Tailgating
60. Chain restaurants
61. Caviar
62. Whistling
63. Jihad
64. Cracker Barrel (certain chains are kind of Jewish, but cracker barrel is very goyishe)
65. Sailing
66. Trailer Parks
67. Power tools
68. C-shifts
69. Unions (this was not the case 50 years ago)
70. Fish Fridays
71. Wonder Bread
72. Civil War reenactments
73. Renascence fairs
74. Boars Head
75. Six Packs
76. Skatebaording
77. Rodeos
78. State Troopers
79. Waltzing
80. Kite Flying
81. Geocaching
82. Hipsters
83. Jumping rope
84. Truck driving
85. Stinky Cheese
86. Aperitif
87. Fencing
88. Curling
89. Bloodwurst
90. Family reunions
91. Memorial t-shirts (popular in the African American community)
92. Trough toilets
93. Prep school
94. Jock straps
95. Tea
96. Model Trains
97. Keggers
98. Chain Wallets
99. Shrines
I would argue that mini skirts are Jewish. Have you been to the 5Ts??
And Chabad and Chassidim do have their own type of hipsters.
It’s quite rare to see someone in a metropolitan area wearing a mini skirt – usually they are worn by trashy women going clubbing and the skirts you are referring to are hardly counted as mini skirts.
Definitely. If memory serves the first person selling miniskirts in America was a Jew, Rudi Gernreich.
Selling half the cloth for twice the price. Now that’s Jewish 😉
But I love Utah. I’ve been snowboarding there 4 times.
44 and 67 – Power Tools are listed twice.
They must be really goyish… or 67 means another kind of power tool.
Heshy, a revision, a la The Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness:
“67. Power Tools. Yeah, it’s on here twice, sheygetz.”
Physical work is considered a shanda to the goyim by Jews. Better to screw you out of money.
Me, I love Goy Jokes.
Two old goyish women meet in the aisle of their local supermarket:
Woman 1: “How is your health?”
Woman 2: ” I feel great!”
or
“How much is that jacket?”
“$900.”
“I’ll take it!.”
As a power-tool loving, truck driving Jew, I am feeling kind of ostracized right now…
srsly. I have blond long wavy hair! And I know my way around a sailboat!
Do you think the list is all inclusive, there are plenty of goyishe Jews out there, my buddies dad is a hunting guide.
Great list. But I believe Jesus was Jewish…
Talking about him, now that’s boyish..
Goyish. Autocorrect is goyish too.
Sorry Hesh BBQs anare definitly jewish especially in the summer in lakewood.
AND FORSKINS are definitly jewish. Unless you mean ones that are not cut, than I kinda agree with you.
And Hispsters are definitly jewish, what dso you think all those smoked up carlbachians are.
And Jumping rope is jewish . In middle school I always saw the girls jumping rope in school.
Everything else I agree on for the most part.
Also what is:
Bloodwurst? Aperitif? Geocaching? Waltzing?Segaway? William Sanoma?Surf and Turf?
You should go look them up for they may be that goyishe that you do not know what they are.
Just because you saw someone Jewish doing one of these things it doesn’t mean they are inherently Jewish.
For instance I would argue that Holocaust denial, strip clubs, porno and cheeseburgers are all Jewish.
Lol the fact that you don’t know what these things are is a big indication of their goyishness
In case you’re serious…
1) Bloodwurst – a sausage made of pork blood
2) Apertif – wines and liqueurs served before dinner, often slightly bitter
3) Geocaching – Sort of a treasure hunt where people locate hidden caches of stuff using GPS
4) Waltzing – You need to get out more
5) Segway – An expensive way of looking like a complete twit while not walking
6) William Sonoma – Overpriced pretentious cookware for the amateur who wants to look like a pro
7) Surf and Turf – 1/2 an order of steak served with 1/2 an order of treif seafood, usually lobster or crab. Costs more than a steak or crab dinner.
OK, snark aside…
Waltzing – The waltz is a couples dance done in 3/4 time. It is one of the basic forms of ballroom dancing. Many famous pieces of classical and later periods of music are waltzes. In the early days the waltz was considered scandalous because the partners held each other. Typically the man holds the woman’s hand and waist. The woman holds the man’s hand and shoulder.
Segway – The Segway is a gyroscopically-stabilized electric vehicle consisting of two wheels, a small platform and a control post. One stands on the platform and accelerates by leaning forwards, stops or reverses by leaning back, and steers by twisting. It has a top speed of about 10mph.
thanks bud. Jesus Crist all I asked you to do was explain I few things!!!!
I didn’t know some of those either. Also, what is a C-shift and a Carhart?
C-shift could mean a few things. I think what he’s talking about are jobs where the work is done 24 hours a day such as firefighters. You get assigned to a shift with a letter designation. When that shift is assigned to work, you work. For instance, C-shift might be on nights for the next four days, then off three, then on days.
Carhartt is a brand of sturdy, comfortable work-clothes highly regarded in the building trades.
Olympics
Full fare coach
Skeet
Family crests
Ballet
Beef and Beer fundraisers
Good stuff
skeet or skeet shooting? Two VERY different things!
How is BDSM goyish (or Jewish for that matter)?
While putting on tefillin, people have come up to me and asked if it was some BDSM thing.
http://www.kinkyjews.com -BDSM is very Jewish in terms of fan base, not actors. Also most hipsters are Jews.
The more repressed the more kinky is a good general rule of thumb.
Family crests, definitely goyish. One of those BS companies that makes stuff up (think “Name A Star”) once sent us junk mail trying to sell us our family crest. I don’t know what’s on it, but I bet it involves banana peels and that cartoon money with wings.
Talking quietly
Having “cocktails” on a weekday night
Decorated Holiday sweaters
Watercress sandwiches
Nudism
Camping (sorry, Hesh)
51. Corduroy
Late 70’s, early 80’s, ALL us yeshiva boys wore corduroy pants.
Oy, don’t remind me! 🙂
73. Renascence fairs
You weren’t at my wedding. (Yeah, I know I’m outing myself to those in the know. I’m not really anonymous anyway.)
Paying full price for *anything*.
Cool Whip
95. Tea
Doesn’t everyone serve Celestial Seasonings at the end of Shabbat lunch?
Real heimishe people serve Wissotzky!
🙂
A cup of tea in a glass with the lump of sugar between your teeth.
That’s about as Jewish as it gets.
no, thats chassidic. the only people ive seen do that were some of my chassidishe rebbeim in elementary school
i know tons of very frum jews who use celestial seasonings
Hmm. My mother’s family is Litvish. My father’s family Romanian Jewish Gypsy and Polish. None of them were ever Chassidic as far as I know.
It’s a Slavic custom adopted by huge numbers of Ashkenazim. A generation or so ago it was “just how Jews do things”
thanks. whaddya know, i learn new things every day
Rocky Horror
Come on, dude. It’s a musical, which are nearly as Jewish as they are gay.
🙂
Baby showers
Clean restaurants/delis
Funeral luncheons
High School and College sports (always on Friday/Saturday)
Gastropubs
House-made charcuterie
Hockey
Being quiet at worship services
Home brewing
Bingo
Religiously-mandated teetotaling
Velveeta cheese and potluck dishes containing Velveeta cheese
Cheez Whiz
Pool parties
Pug noses
Belly rings
Skeet shooting
Tuxedos
Hay
Beach volleyball
County Fairs
Etiquette
Cotillion
yeah, wissotsky! it’s that pintele yid shining through.
Spelling
C’mon Heshy, Doesn’t the haggadah spend all night talking about BDSM? I don’t know about your haggadah but mine has gazillion pictures of various folks being tied up and whipped.
You are confusing NOT GROWING UP FRUM (or FRUMish) in Brooklyn with Goyishe.
For example, country clubs (religiously exclusionary country clubs) are as Jewish as they are WASP.
Since when do they allow Jews in country clubs? I didn’t grow up Frum or in the New York area and country clubs have always been considered very WASPish.
I think it’s a generational thing. There are plenty of stuck up Jewish golf clubs now which are probably as pretentious (if not more) than some of the WASPy ones.
That’s because the country clubs USED TO forbid Jews in their bylaws. That made joining them a status symbol for yidden.
beach volleyball
eating contests
motorcycles
just to name a few more
ive many times seen isrealis on the beach in hirtzelia (and other beaches) playing beach volleyball.
Backyard BBQs are a Yom Tov tradition here in Memphis. Backyard BBQs are also highly celebrated in Israel. Heshy, you are missing out on the true spirit of Sukkot and Lag Ba’Omer without the backyard BBQ.
Memphis is OOT … that’s almost like Goyishe 🙂
basically a mix of hicks and rich people with boundless time
Hiking
Being a male who is anti smoking
Shootin’ out in the desert
And I think as gas prices get higher, motorcycles will become more Jewish. They are fun, and cheap to buy and fuel…
POWDERED MILK!
decorative lights
muscle cars
egg nog
fruit cake
chewing gum with flavor that lasts longer than 1 minute
and did you mean renaissance fairs?
I don’t see why Renaissance fairs are considered Goyish. Is it because they sometimes have mixed dancing? Most people I know who go to them are Jewish.
And barbeques are very Jewish. At my shul we always had big barbeques on Purim and Sukkot.
Other than those two items though, it was a great post.
Sorry, most hipsters I know are Jewish. Instead, I give you
DOG BREEDING
Old Spice aftershave
Cufflinks
I have to disagree with #58 Horse Racing, not only as a big fan – but did you know some of the best horse trainers / owners in NY and FL are Jewish and there are two well known jockeys who ride at Aqueduct and Belmont Park- David Cohen and Maylan Studart (girl jockey from Brazil & very proud Jew).
Maybe you can replace horse racing with dog racing a 100% goyish activity.
cracker barrel is one of the tough places to eat out (if you eat milchig out at non-kosher restaurants). i know i’ve said this before, but i wouldn’t do it if we had more than 5 kosher restaurants in a 300 mile area. you would not believe the stuff they put pork in— bread, pie crusts, etc. i had to drill the manager 9 ways to find out what didn’t have any meat period in it, including random bacon tossed in the cornbread or shared meat spoons. i came up with:
-grilled fish
-fried okra
-macaroni and cheese
-mashed potatoes, no gravy
-biscuit
and that’s about it— but it was still good.
Isn’t their cheese made with pig rennet?
oh my, i didn’t think of that. most cheeses today are made with microbial rennet, so i just assumed that’s what it was. i will have to investigate.
They don’t make their biscuits with lard????
nope— and i was pleasantly surprised. i figured they would be full of that crap. they use vegetable shortening.
Family crests in the literal sense (as described above) may be a goyishe thing.
But to have a family symbol or coat-of-arms — INDEED was prevalent by reputed Jewish families of yesteryear. Just do a quick google search.
Just because Jews do it does not mean that it is Jewish.
Power tools are on there twice. That must be my problem – it was my love of power tools that led me astray. If only they weren’t so expensive!
> 99. Shrines
Kevarim of tzadikim = shrines, no?
I can think of the most goyish thing that actually is jewish
JESUS!
I don’t know about the Geocaching. I know a bunch of Jewish geocachers ranging from not at all religious to Orthodox.
Some more wacky ideas-
Jane Eyre goyish, Jane Austen Jewish (because the latter’s characters talk and talk and talk, while Jane Eyre is full of meaningful silences).
(Small pets category) Guinea pigs and hamsters goyish, mice and rats Jewish (because (a) who’s tried to exterminate guinea pigs? (b) how many evil tyrants have compared Jews to guinea pigs?)
Saskatchewan
– Thanksgiving
– Police Officers
– Soldiers
– 9/11
– Staright Blond Hair and Tanned skin
9/11? how is 9/11 Goyishe?!!??
You Retard! your list makes no sense…
99. Shrines
Shrines aren’t Jewish? Heshy, you have got to stop smoking those funny cigarettes. Think of 770, the kotel, and the tombs of any number of dead rabbis from the Breslover rebbe on.
Why aren’t dogs on the list?
also:
Tonic & Gin
Rings
Glass Klinging
Mikes Hard lemonade
tank tops
its called gin and tonic, and i almost always order it when i go to a simcha that has a bar. its actually called a toddy.
It’s referred to as “tonic and gin” in the billy joel song piano man (which could be where yankel heard of it, depending on how much of a frummy he is that billy joel (who actually is where most of abie rotenbergs songs come from) might be too goyish)
I was once on your side of the fence, so I know plenty of non-Jewish songs, although I probably got it from Tintin.
Much of this stuff is only “goyish” if you’re a poor jewish person. If you have money, much of this stuff is done.
Just because someone does it doesn’t mean it’s Jewish – eating pork on Yom Kippur morning is very Jewish – but eating corn beef and cabbage on St Patties day is very goyishe
Bangitout.com did this list many years ago, I think theirs was better. Usually you’re much funnier, but this time, they won.
#100. Gold nipple tassels
101.Tranvestites
Let Me Explain Jewish and Goyish To You – Lenny Bruce
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD6Oi2kySSU&noredirect=1
Jewish = Faggots and Genital Mutilation
BDSM is VERY Jewish