My Rav is a nice guy, but he’s firm in his p’sak and although I don’t always like the answer I usually abide by his rulings. My motto is that if you’re going to violate your Ravs p’sak, don’t ask the question in the first place. I was in a bind yesterday, my minhag (as well as pretty much every other frum guy in the world) is to buy my wife flowers on erev shabbos, every once in a while I pick them during a hike, but yesterday was Valentines Day and everyone knows that it’s a goyishe yuntiff that has not crept into frum society as of yet. The only reason I even know about Valentines Day is from dating girls who didn’t grow up frum and wondered why I hadn’t asked them to be their valentine.
On the way home from work I realized that if I was seen buying flowers at the local Safeway, one may assume that I was celebrating Valentines Day and I would be placed on the secret shul list of “unacceptable places to eat” that every shul in the Bay Area has stowed away for new families. The only thing worse than people not accepting invitations to your home because you celebrate goyishe yomim tovim, is people not accepting invitations to your home because they heard you take your kids to corn mazes or holiday lights festivals – which are not usually on the yuntiff itself.
I approached my Rav on erev shabbos Valentines Day 2014 and asked him if I should buy flowers for my wife. Basically, did shalom bayis override the maris ayin of buying erev shabbos flowers on the one day a year that goyim buy flowers for their wives? We all know that goyim lead trivial lives and have zero shalom bayis, unless they want something out of it, I didn’t want to suddenly become a goy and I didn’t want to be considered a heathen with flowers in hand.
My Rav’s p’sak was quite interesting, he that Jews actually could celebrate Valentines Day, but that when it fell out on erev shabbos we treated it like purim, We push it off until Sunday. Not only does this allow yidden around the world to buy flowers, candy, and love shaped water beds at deeply discounted prices, but it also means that our shopping experiences will be more tznius and filled with the simcha of the shabbos prior to the yuntiff.
Eventually I just called my wife to tell her that I had intention to buy her flowers, but had thought about the halachos against reminding converts of their heathen past and told her that she may feel uncomfortable with the thought of doing something that is slightly goyishe. I told her that my theory was that by letting her know my thoughts, I was already yotze the mitzvah of erev shabbos flowers and was not required to purchase them. Instead, I brought home soda.
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C”v that you should look like you’re observing a goyishe holiday! I’m glad to hear that your rav gave you such reliable psak.
Heshy, don’t worry that you …would be placed on the secret shul list of “unacceptable places to eat” that every shul in the Bay Area has stowed away for new families. Each shul keeps a separate list and we never compare the names. If you move, you’d be back on the good list.
I’m happy that you did not bring the goyish flowers into your home. I will now not be requested to go into the desert tomorrow to pick and then ship you some sage brush so The Mrs. could smudge the house.
OMG, I sent my wife flowers for what we call love day, should I be afraid that because she received flowers on the actual day, she will feel compelled to start worshiping the baby jesus???
Yes.
You must present a sin offering immediately. I’ll take a calf, properly inspected and slaughtered under the constant supervision of a shochet ubodek. I would like one prime rib roast and the other side to be cut into rib steaks. Thanks.
Here’s hoping she won’t smack you upside the head with a meticulously koshered frying pan.
My wife told me that the frumy bais Yaakov meidlich are taught that buying flowers for valentines day is very degrading for a heimeshe bas yisroel, because every day is really valentines day. Seriously, ask any Flatbush girl and they’ll all say the same.
Thank heavens this disease is curtained to the indigenous of Brooklyn.
What disease?
You should’ve asked your Rav if mitzvah night had to be canceled/postponed due to Valentine’s Day.
lol I hate Judaism
“by letting her know my thoughts, I was already yotze the mitzvah”
This is an important halachic breakthough that Rav Heshy has brought to us!!
Can you imagine how many mitzvot we could fufill just by telling another person that we were thinking about doing such-and-such! It is piskei din like this that make for excellent examples when people ask me why I hold by Rav Heshy of frumsatire.net.
Spot on, other Mike!
When it comes to marriage telling a woman that you thought of her and that you wanted to do something nice is almost as good as doing it if an Irresistible Force of Nature (like your Rabbi saying “Don’t do it”) gets in the way
Lol. Rav before love
What if you ask your Rav in a roundabout way? “If you were giving a psak…,?”
If you’re afraid of the psak, don’t ask!
Hesh, this is a satire site, why do you not have a “funny” button or something
How much is a deeply discounted love shaped waterbed these days?
we don’t push off purim if it falls out on friday
Anonymous, you are correct. When Purim falls on Friday, we celebrate it on Friday. I think what Heshy meant was we Shushan Purim falls on Saturday, people who live in Jerusalem (and I think other walled cities) celebrate it on Sunday.
Luckily with it being on St. Pats day, all the yeshivish rats won’t feel as guilty puking their holy vomit in the streets this year.
who is stopping the shidduch crisis
http://thepartialview.blogspot.com/2014/02/who-will-stop-shidduch-crisis.html
I think on the discounted prices alone, you have a strong argument. We should consider moving all Jewish holidays to the week after any non-Jewish holidays in their immediate vicinity. All of the money can be donated to day school scholarships. Also, while we’re at it, let’s schedule all Jewish holidays for Mondays only. This would avoid three-day chag / shabbat nightmares (and incorrectly created eruv tavshilinim), help solve the shidduch crisis by making it easier to new locations in order to meet girls, and make the entire weekend far more festive and enjoyable. Oh, also. Second day chag. Anyone who spends at least one year in eretz yisroel should be considered an honorary Israeli who just happens to be living elsewhere until they make enough money to return. Voila — no more second day chag for anyone under 50.