By Seth Galena of Bang It Out – the original Jewish comedy website
Top ten signs your Rabbi was recently indicted
10 Suddenly takes on minhag to wear hat on face
9 Synagogue Charity Auction now includes “Kidney”
8 Unless you work in criminal defense, you ain’t getting Shlishi
7 Rebbetzin is suddenly on Jdate
6 Afternoon Halacha Shiur now entitled: “Ankle Monitors on Shabbat”
5 Will be spending the rest of the summer “upstate”
4 Sermon comes in form of an Affadavit
3 Keeps tying everything to an obscure “Josef in Jail” metaphor
2 Pretty sure he just referred to Bernie Madoff as “Shlita”
1 He’s still wearing Black & White, only this time, it’s all stripes
Top ten positive things about your Rabbi going to jail:
10. No rabbi speech
9. Will finally stop wearing same suit every shabbos
8. Sick post prison pichei stories…
7. Can blame single status on waiting for him to get out to officiate wedding
6. Less fear he’ll screw up your family names during Simcha
5. Sick parking spot open
4. Cuts out middle man of selling chometz to a goy
3. Shabbos over 20 minutes earlier
2. Breakaway minyan finally has no purpose
1. Guilt-free Kiddush Club
Credit: bangitout.com
Wow haven’t laughed so hard in a while
Horrible thing about being frum in jail: A toilet bowl in every cell means you can’t even think about Torah. Ever.
honestly adam..is that really true – they can just get a heter from themselves
OMG. OMG. I don’t know whether to laugh or….
yet ANOTHER COMPLETELY DUMBASS POST.
Give it up
“1 He’s still wearing Black & White, only this time, it’s all stripes”
Prisoners wear orange jumpsuits nowadays.
my rabbi was indicted because he tried to give me a bris. with his mouth.
satire in motion!
Haha now this was a funny post. Especially imagining BM being called shlita, I could see some of these guys doing that if he were a chassidic Rebbe.
“7 Rebbetzin is suddenly on Jdate”
THIS is too funny!
Hesh – I don’t know how many people I speak for – but I have noticed you are trying to give more people a chance to write for you and I applaud it.
I am totally into seeing a wide variety of opinions and someday may write one myself, for now I will laugh and lurk silently.
Yochanan,
Jump suit colors vary by state. I think Florida still has the zebra pattern, I saw them on a chain gang cleaning a highway last time I was there.
Don’t all lawyers get Shlishi?
You made my day, yet again.
Why are you making fun of others peoples suffering? your post is funny but I feel for those poor people. god bless us all.
Hilarious! Ya gotta have a sense of humor about it all.
I printed this out and am sending to the two Jews in prison I’m filming. They can use a laugh.
Nope, definitely they go with the orange jump suit down here in Florida.
BT,
Maybe it works with the security level of the prison. Those guys cleaning the highway were definitely in zebra pattern.
I know that Texas uses white, I visited a prison there a few years ago.
This is great; I love it.
Additional signs:
He announces pidyon shvuyim will be the study topic. Even though he is a litvak he starts shouting “bring pidyon shvuyim now!”
Claims he never said this is a “medinah shel chesed.”
Lectures on exceptions to “dinah di’malchusah, dinah.” Claims it only applies in England where they have a real royal sovereign.
Starts lifting weights
Discusses the shiurim of “time off for good behavior”