The joy at seeing a family of 13 walking down the block with 4 kids dressed in exactly the same outfit elicits such a smile from me you may think I was on crack. The nachas I shepped as I watched a hot chanie and her shlump of a husband navigate through carlos and gabbys last night was awesome and the wide grin that was produced from partaking in a conversation about the sickness of liberals was just grand old fun.
There is only one family in the entire Bay Area that could be classified as frummy and I miss them dearly. I miss the ignorance, the rudeness and the yeshivish slang talk. I miss the shabbos robes, black clunker shoes and those guys that shuffle as they walk down the street with shoulders sagging as they hock on the phone and play Jewish geography with passersby at the same time – it’s a joyous place.
During the first days of yuntiff I had the opportunity to cringe every time someone said to “get the goy” to turn something on or what have you. I had the oppurtunity to take part in a conversation about how President Kennedy caused this generation to be disrespectful because he was the first president to take off his hat – a common sentiment in the yeshivish circles. Then we had a conversation about the evils of the internet and how you couldn’t trust anyone with it and the disgusting sickness of the liberals. I even got to hear that right wingers are more moral than liberals, and various other talking points from Rush and Savage.
Then I got to hear the oohs and ahs as I told my peeps that seeing a woman make a hamotzi was normal and that I thought it was a good thing that women should want to be involved rather than not want to be involved. Of course they argued that “their wants weren’t coming from the right place” to which I said, who cares – I’m sure some people are learning in kollel for the money and coffee room hock – but at least they are learning right?
It’s all been so interesting so far in my return to New York; I have gotten my fill of pizza; I have come to the realization that after 10 months of good, healthy and fresh food I cannot stand places like subsational and carlos and gabbys anymore – I couldn’t finish my sandwich from carlos and gabbys yesterday it was so gross and filled with dreck.
More to come from my adventures in frummy land.
First Comment!
The frummies I met in the sukkah were unsure if they need to say layshev basukah at havdalah. amaratzim in black hats, I tell you. BTW, back in the day, the telzer women knew how to make hamotzi.
“Ameratzim in black hats”?
This is a major question in halacha, and many Torah greats – past and present – are/were unsure about what is the proper thing to do.
Many people specifically eat a mezonos right afterwards in order to obligate themselves to say a “leshev” without any doubts.
I’ll say it again, nobody said you have to be knowledgable in Torah. Your personal religious growth is your own business. But shut the hell up about things you are straight up ignorant of.
If you want to bash frummies – do it on your ground. You can rip on them for not being polite or polished, or for caring about that old scroll from 3000+ years ago. If you try to do it on their ground, ie: practical halacha, you’ll look like an idiot.
Who here agrees that Yankel is sexy when he’s angry?
Who here agrees that Yankel is hot when he’s angry?
Omg, I have a serious man-crush on you Telz Angel.
Shame. I’m married. If only you were an Asian masseuse…
You mad?
Hate to break it to all of you but I wasn’t angry. (A bit tipsy from simchas beis hashoeva… maybe).
Looking back it was a stupid comment anyway.
But seriously, halacha is pretty much the only thing they have going for them at this point, so why go there?
You do have a tendency to flip out over random minutiae. It’s kind of weird. You might want to tone it down for the audience’s sake.
mb u shud become a frummy hesh. its fun
I’m too well read and too liberal to be a frummy – I can infiltrate only so far
There is no way you are well read Heshy. Nothing about the way you write suggests more than a cursory glance at modern literature. New York Times and a handful of liberal blogs does not well read make. 🙂
I hate it when people think that throwing in a smily face emoticon somehow negates their biting, spiteful comments.
If you really feel strongly enough about what you have to say to insult somebody, man up to it.
That’s because its said with a certain degree of affection. He isn’t well read. That should be obvious. Not meant to be spiteful just observational. Sorry, the lack of penis makes me technically unable to ‘man-up’. I can explain what I meant though without getting my knickers in a twist over a blog comment 🙂 (that one is for you offthed…)
I wish I could transfer what I read into this blog, but unfortunately most of what I read has nothing to do with the material here. On average I read 2 books a week and I have bookmarks in about 5 at a time. If you knew me well you would have said otherwise.
I generally do not read fiction, I am in a memoir phase, the only thing I own a lot of are books (probably close to 3,000 of them and some very neat stuff including an original set of the Confederate Military History that I found in the garbage) I have a very good collection of wilderness and Americana type of stuff.
It does happen to be that for very well read folks I am but a pittance, but I like to converse and discuss a wide variety of subjects and you have to read lots to be able to rock it old school.
Yeah, reading a lot isn’t the same as being well read.
It is obvious that you have very little knowledge of the cannon of western literature, you also appear to have little knowledge of political and economic systems. Although I’m sure in Jewish lit. you are very well read, which is good because you write a satirical blog aimed at the religious community.
Look, my math skills leave a lot to be desired. This is my fault for never applying myself. I don’t write for a math blog anymore than you write for a literary blog. I really don’t see why this a cause of contention, keep reading and writing what you enjoy and don’t worry about justifying your reading habits to the internet.
Yeah, reading a lot isn’t the same as being well read.
It is obvious that you have very little knowledge of the cannon of western literature, you also appear to have little knowledge of political and economic systems. Although I’m sure in Jewish lit. you are very well read, which is good because you write a satirical blog aimed at the religious community.
Look, my math skills leave a lot to be desired. This is my fault for never applying myself. I don’t write for a math blog anymore than you write for a literary blog. I really don’t see why this a cause of contention, keep reading and writing what you enjoy and don’t worry about justifying your reading habits to the internet.
In general Telz was more liberal then any other yeshiva. I mean they opened a highschool with secular studies as opposed to voloshzin which closed down instead of offering secular studies. Also can you give a source for the fact that Telzer women made Hamotzei.
Telz was a liberal yeshiva. And this is a satire blog. Go figure.
I never said telzer women *said* hamotzi. But they knew how to. BTW, sources are for maskilim. Reb Artscroll clearly paskened that you never need to quote sources, or if you do, you can simply state the name of an obscure sefer that no one will ever look up anyway.
To quote a great rebbe “Who cares about whether it is the truth anyway”.
I’m kind of embarrassed that I know 75% of halacha on davening from the back of the Artscroll so if I have the displeasure of getting into a discussion about halachos of davening (usually the circumstances cause the discomfort, not the material itself), I like to say I saw it in “a sefer, I think maybe mishna berura or shulchan aruch”. Then, if the guy’s really serious, he’s forced to look it up to continue the conversation, and I walk away looking smart and feeling secure bec. 9 times out of 10 that’s where artscroll gets it from. And if not, he’s embarrassed and ends the conversation. Win-win. Booyah.
“To quote a great rebbe “Who cares about whether it is the truth anyway”.”
Well don’t ever let his name get out, because that will be the end of his “great”ness.
Are you sure you actually heard this from a real source? It sounds very fishy…
Yankel, I was quoting from OfftheDwannaB’s blog.
Uhh. I don’t have a blog.
Funny piece, Hesh. But I have to say, I kind of resent the co-opting of the word, “Frum” to mean a person who has certain (right-wing) political beliefs, eating styles (other than the fact that it’s kosher, obviously), and dressing styles (other than modest). I grew up believing that “Frum” simply meant, “Observant.” By that standard, I know many people who are extremely observant, but don’t fit your description. I know a woman who covers every hair on her head with a huge scarf, all the time, but she dresses in loose, modest clothes, and even though she is quite well-to-do, she never wears makeup or anything flashy. Totally frum. Hardly a hot Chanie. And everyone in the health food stores knows her name, because that’s all she eats (and yes, she’s married with children). I know a man who is an Orthodox sofer. He’s literally written hundreds of sifrei torah. He also rides his bike almost everywhere, bakes amazing bread, and votes progressive. I know another man who is a former Chabad rabbi. He left Chabad. He is every bit as frum as he was then, however. But he is politically liberal and a vegan. These are just 3 examples. I know more.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have no problem with the satirical stereotyping. It’s funny, after all. I just wish there were some better adjective to use, because to me, “Frum” doesn’t mean what you think it means.
Actually frum is so 1990 – if you want be really frum now you call yourself Ehrliche or even Hiemishe.
then why name the post– “FRUMMIES!!!!”?
Frum is different than “Frummy.”
mamesh emes
> I kind of resent the co-opting of the word, “Frum” to mean a person who has certain (right-wing)… I just wish there were some better adjective to use, because to me, “Frum” doesn’t mean what you think it means.
The word you’re looking for is “chareidi.”
Don’t “frummies” and “chareidim” pretty much mean the same thing?
I always “frum” was just the chareidi way of saying religious, and includes everyone who keeps shabbos and basic halacha.
have u checked out sushi tokyo? they’re pretty good- I’ve found kosher sushi to be better than non-kosher…
Best post in a while. I love it when you write what yeshivish people love in a “story” format, as opposed to when you write those list.
Hoping to see you write a couple more of these.
Also, Please write a article on the misconceptions taught in Yeshiva by rabbeim. (jews are the smartest, goyim are stupid…i.e….)
P.S. my favorite was the Kennedy part…
The Kennedy hat thing is a bubbameister- he actually wore the traditional top hat to the inauguration, but left it in his seat when he gave his speech. but several pictures show him in it.
I loved the JFK bit. Practically every frummy Rabbi I have ever had has felt compelled to throw in a comment about JFK and his lack of a hat.
Whats the connection between president kennedy not wearing a hat and the idea that the usa has decreased in values and ethics. In the first place, wearing a hat is something that every man did in america up until about 50 years ago and the jews borrowed this concept. When you look at a typical picture of a crowd of men from around and before this time, most will be wearing hats
Heshy, it is your duty to find out who the hotty is in the “san fran… check out this yiddishkeit” ad on your site.
The meaning of frum is as follows. FRUM. U are in the middle. The mormal person. Everyone to the right of u is Fanatically Religous. everyone to the left of u is Modern. Hence, F.R.U.M.
Am I imagining things, or do we disagree on the definition of right and left? Or maybe you just have a “backwards” way of seeing things… 🙂
Ooh, that was a good one! A good mnemonic to remember what frum means!
amazing how many people repeat that and every time, i just think how little sense it makes. if the directions actually worked it might be funny
It makes no sense to me, but what’s interesting is that for a while on Craigslist there were debates about what frum meant – because what on earth is a Frum BDSM
Let me explain to u cuz yea it might seem a bit confusing. But imagine u have the word frum written on a shirt across ur chest the fr- will be on ur right side and the m will be on the left….
If you have to explain that then it defeats the point.
Great Post