Hey Heshy,
Not particularly sure why I felt the need to write this; I guess the absurdity of PLLBR got me thinking. For context I moved to Brooklyn about a year ago for the annual (REALLY)out-of-town to town shidduchim migration. Feel free to ignore if particularly boring.
Ten Brutally Honest Things I’ve Learned My Year “In-Town”
1. I’ve gathered from my devoutly Yeshivish acquaintances that Facebook is assur because you can engage in inappropriate private conversations; this is of course why it Instagram is totally acceptable.
2. There is a tree in Borough Park decorated with lost pacifiers(just in case anyone needed unique Xmas tree ideas).
3. Despite popular impressions, if you actually ask(they won’t ask you) there is a vast number of people who will host strangers for Shabbos meals. People won’t actually say “Good Shabbos” to you in the street or even smile in your general direction-but there are plenty of people who are willing to give hachnosas orchim a shot.
4. Apparently Mishpacha is controversial and possibly inappropriate for public consumption.
5. There is no good Chinese in this borough(by ANY standard of kashrus). Off the top of my head I can name at least five sushi places within a mile but I have to go to all the way to Queens to get some good sweet and sour chicken. I’m thinking conspiracy.
6. The “off-the-derech but still on the derech subculture” is one of fascinating magnitude that I never expected. I was introduced to it actually by the daughter of a prominent Rosh Yeshiva who was still rocking the full Beis Yaakov wardrobe, despite having no problem telling me all about her goyish boyfriend over Shabbos. Go figure.
7. Biggest factor keeping many of those “crisis” cases somewhat on the derech and shomer shabbos: Good ol’ fashion kiruv. It would seem that they enjoy the accepting more open and atmosphere in kiruv circles-even if they might have to put up with the insufferable BT and curious wandering singles crowd.
8. A whole lot of money is regularly floating around the gashmiusdik frum world. I’m talking “my everyday outfit costs 2K” kind of money, not including the sheitel. How they get it is largely beyond me; It could have something to do with hiring workers as part-time employees to avoid giving benefits… if it isn’t a cash business.
9. The twenty-three year old “older singles” and their parents can go cry me a river. However, there is a harsh reality to the “shidduch crisis” involving the shocking number of totally “normal” frum single females over the age of thirty.
10. It is pretty freaking convenient being able to order free and kosher delivery(Burgers, Mexican, Sushi, Pizza and Shwarma) past midnight using three different smartphone apps.
Sincerely,
A Hostage of the In-Town Shadchan
5) There’s literally nothing besides Hunan on Kings Highway and that super shady place on 18th avenue.
6) Its huge. Whats more incredible is how unaware most people are of it. I have literally dozens of friends who are not shomer shabbos but still live squarely in the frum world. Some even shidduch date
They will probably all return to the fold to marry and will raise their children with the same indoctrination they received – more’s the pity.
My teenaged daughter is in this category (#6), and it is a monumental issue. We are modern/Yeshivish – my wife is BT, I’m comfortable in Yeshivish/MO/or Young Israel, black-hat son in Kollel but trying to convince him to get a college degree too. But my girl has been dating an All-American Goy on the sly while in her last year of HS. Lots of drama, heartfelt conversations, recriminations on all sides.
The hardest part is learning how prevalent this is, and yet having absolutely no one we can talk to outside of therapists and mental health professionals. We are told that even a whisper can destroy siblings’ shidduch prospects, etc. So everyone in my position and community needs to sweep things under the rug, even as we find out that all sorts of families are facing these same issues.
Regarding #6… How does one tap into this community? I’m squarely in that camp, but have no connection to my peers, and I’d love to make some friends. Is there an initiation process?
There’s a Facebook group for starters. There’s a huge range of people on here, from Orthoprax skeptics to ex-satmer folks who post pictures of themselves eating bacon chulent, so be forewarned.
Heshy knows all about it, as I believe he got in some in fight with the admins about a post on this blog about them a little while back.
Anyway, you request to join the group, then one of the admins will message you and ask you what your deal is.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/offthederech/
Facebook, with a fake name of course.
I want to find out how to tap into #9!
This was an enjoyable piece. Thank you for sharing it. Sadly I have known more than my fair share of #6’s.
#3 and the Chinese food post are so true.
is #6 real??? details please
Yep. tip of the iceberg.
I’d say you’re spot on about everything, but I can’t comment either way on the Chinese food
The day I went OTD was the day I became a religious Jew.
Actually you have to go to 5 towns for decent chinese (Chosen Island), I’ve never been to chosen garden. Eden Wok in manhattan is also really good.
I had good chinese in flushing. *shrug*
“Actually you have to go to 5 towns for decent chinese (Chosen Island), I’ve never been to chosen garden. Eden Wok in manhattan is also really good.”
Completely false. There is good Chinese food available in Queens.
Question – are there any minyanim for OTDers? I don’t mean reverse kiruv or whatever – I mean either an IM or a break-away in a shul that’s composed of orthoprax or the like.
Yep. 🙂
How does an Orthoprax minyan work? Do they just zoom through everything, substituting a “We don’t give a Sh*it” for the dvar torah? I’m actually curious.
Imagine the kind of crowd you might get at an out of town chabad house except not and populated by ffbs. Most people aren’t exactly shomer mitzvos, some are more or less and some are of the hippy/earth jew/carlebach variety if they aren’t still rocking their ‘old’ gear still. many still are into the whole shabbos shpeel if not for spiritual reasons there is a familiarity to it that runs pretty deep.
If you like Eden Wok you’ll probably like Chosen Garden. (On the other hand that’s a low standard in my opinion). If you are not persnickety about heckshers there are nice Chinese vegetarian places in both Queens and Manhattan- the Buddha Bodhai chain and another one in downtown Flushing (all with a hecksher but a not-exactly-widely-accepted one).
#9 (the >30s) is a market I’ve been trying to crack for a long time now. No success yet. Sometimes SYAS helps, but usually I get girls younger than me.