For those of you fortunate to witness my comedy show in Bet Shemesh on the second night of the frum satire Israel comedy tour you would have witnessed the following post in all of its madness. For everyone else you can read about it now.
In 2002 I was enrolled in the introductory program at Ohr Someyach because I had no idea how to learn so I figured I could get away with minimal learning and maximum wandering and bike riding if I did the intro stuff- I was right, I also became exposed to the insane BT lifestyle that many secular Jews who come to Ohr Someyach end up in. I had some crazy roommates- actually I started out with normal ones but soon after I had two cracked out dudes with tongue rings coming in bloody from Niveh fights at Zollis at 2 in the morning.
Yom Kippor was the most interesting of all however, because I remember a whole crew of kids showing up in jeans and T-shirts to davening with those questioning eyes wondering why everyone was so dressed up and where the food was. I always thought that secular Jews kind of knew something about Yom Kippor. Like while eating breakfast- someone would say, “would you look at that today is Yom Kippor.”
Then after the whole davening affair I come upstairs to my room and my neighbors have ten kids packed in their room and everyone is watching the movie Super Troopers while passing around a bowl. I found it ironic to pick such an entertaining movie, I sat down and watched too by the way, I figured maybe they should be watching School Ties, or Schindlers List or maybe Delta Force with Chuck Norris- but no they had to watch a really funny pothead movie.
Then the next day I found out that some kids who were really hungry and couldn’t find any food near Ohr Someyach because everything was closed- had walked over to East Jerusalem for lunch- how ironic. There you have it folks- BT’s in a BT yeshiva before they become BT’s
You’re kidding, nu?
I guess Ohr Sameach’s good times are long gone. Too many programs competing for too few wanderers. It’s all business, supply and demand.
And I thought that the big scandal was spending a year in Israel and not learning Hebrew…
I love inviting people for Yom Kippur. “You wanna come over on Yom Kippur? We’ll hang out, have some air, talk about stuff and I won’t have to feed you.”
Some rebbies say you can smoke pot at their yeshiva since it is “practicing” for the purim mitvah. Although I have not met these rebbies personally, nor have I ever heard of them, my evidence is from a well executed thought experiment.
All of these kids mentioned are most probably frummies who married Niveh girls and are learning in kollel just my hunch
speaking of yeshivas, what’s up with this?
http://www.vosizneias.com/20011/2008/09/04/lakewood-nj-girls-high-schools-canceled-until-every-teen-is-placed-in-a-classroom/
nice, they should do the same in Brooklyn.
Thats ridiculous. But I guess its no different from when I went to sem. There was a girl there who would show us pictures of her boyfriend sitting in her bed half naked… started stealing from girls… but what got her booted was doing laundry on Shabbos.
Man I guess it thinks my post is spam.
That’s ridiculous but no different than when I went to seminary. There was a girl there that would show us pictures of her boyfriend sitting in her bed in various states of undress, started stealing from girls, but what got her booted was when she did laundry on Shabbos.
Like I said before, becoming a BT often has a going-through-puberty akwardness to it. Maybe you could do a post about this.
Yochanan – Good point… it takes a while to find a happy medium… including chilling out a bit or the opposite.
We celebrate Yom Kippur differently than Isreal where I hail. Yom kipur is the most important day to a Reform jew in my town. We follow several important Mitvah’es (that word translates roughly to “ancient suggestions”).
1.) We drive all the way to the city (75 miles) to the nearest temple to pray for 15 minutes, listen to a speech 20 minutes, and 60 minutes hear a choir sing with the Silver String 7 Horn and Organ Band.
2.) This is followed by the annual sisterhood Kaddish (that means Hebrew for the big meal you eat on Yom Kippur with lots of Jewish foods such as dim sum, kasha, cheese blintzes, and Barneys cocktail weenies). Sometimes we have party games like the kids try to see how many olives they can stuff in their mouth at one time and the adults will do the same with hard boiled eggs.
3.) Next the temple likes to light a bonfire and we burn our sins from the year before by writing it on a paper and tossing our confessions in it. For instance last year I wrote on mine that I drive an SUV with crappy mileage, and I waste toilet paper in public bathrooms (our rabbi is big on the environmentalism sins). Our rabbi called this Kaporkies (at least I think thats what she called it).
4.) Its traditional to give the Rabbi a big tip when you shake hands.
5.) It is considered ungentlemanly to not offer your Yamurlka and Prayer Shawl to a lady who enters the room (if they ran out of them at the door).
6.) We end the morning with a square dance, bingo, and then line up for the valet parking to hustle on home for a big day of golf.
But I wish I could have joined yalls’es Yom Kipur in that dorm with supertroopers cause that sounds like a lot more fun and alot less indigestion from all of that kosher food.
60 minute choir?! That’s too long!
nice, rob!
Rob, your community is beyond ignorant, it’s going to get them a one way ticket.
Rob
that had me laughing all the way through especially the part with the environmental sins.
Rob you and your Rabbi are all mixed up. Casting away your sins in the bonfire is called Tashlish (not Kaporkies). Kaporkies is when you sacrifice your diet to eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken. So it is written, so it is done.
Haha