by Rabbi Joshua Strulowitz, Congregation Adath Israel in San Francisco
Reprinted from Rabbi Strulowitz’s Blog on www.adathisraelsf.org
What is Rabbi Shmuley Boteach? He is a lightning rod, an author, a speaker, a frequent talk show guest, a reality TV star, and now a candidate for a Congressional seat in New Jersey. He is loved by some and hated by others. He is at times the staunchest proponent of traditional Jewish life and values, while also doing things that make that same community cringe. What, exactly, is he?
On his website he calls himself “America’s Rabbi”. That is a very apt description, but not in the way he intends. He fashions himself as the Rabbi Americans go to for their various questions on Jewish life and culture. In many ways he is just that. However, he is truly “America’s Rabbi” because his persona and entrepreneurial nature is so very American. He is a brand, more than anything, minus his own clothing line. He has crafted a reputation as very traditional and yet very modern. It is essential to his brand that he be viewed as authentic, and his Chabad style beard and large velvet Kippah send that message home. He is also modern, as his clothing and his book titles can attest.
More than anything, he is uniquely adept at self promotion. Today, everyone is branding themselves. Through our Twitter handles and Facebook profile pictures we are very cognizant of the way we are presenting ourselves to the world. For many, the ultimate payoff is the attention received. Shmuley figured this out long ago, and was crafting his image in the late nineties. It was a two pronged approach: catchy and risqué book titles and attachment to celebrities. He succeeded at both. “Kosher Sex” (1999) was his first best seller and and it put him on the map. It contained traditional Jewish sources and was daring, all at the same time. Plus, the title allowed your imagination to run wild with possibilities about the book’s content.
However, that would have only taken him so far. By attaching himself to celebrities, especially Michael Jackson, he was giving himself attention and credibility in the secular world. Now he was not only a controversial author, but the “Rabbi to the Stars”. If you hang around celebrities in public long enough, eventually you become a celebrity too, and the A-List credibility you gain makes you a natural place for other celebrities to turn for all of their Rabbinic needs.
Now, you can’t do all this without talent. Shmuley is energetic, intelligent, likable, articulate and very shrewd. He has a tremendous amount of confidence, and seems comfortable in his self assigned role as “America’s Rabbi”. Rabbi is a cryptic title. It can be used to proclaim oneself a scholar, spiritual advisor, therapist, author and general Jew about town. It is catch-all instant credibility and can be dangerous in the wrong hands. Rabbi Shmuley is more talented and knowledgeable than many Rabbis who knowingly pretend to be something they’re not, but he also makes it hard to believe that he can be a master of so many trades. He is an author and a relationship expert and a scholar and a political pundit and a social commentator and a parenting expert. I was not aware that Chabad-Lubavich’s Semicha program provided such an extensive education. The lengthy bio on his website is missing one central component: his educational background that would give him the credentials to be “one of the world’s leading relationship experts and values and spirituality exponents”.
Rabbi Shmuley is smart. His target audience is predominantly secular Jews and non-Jews, and his level of scholarship far exceeds what he would need for the vast majority of his audience. He will almost always be the most highly educated Jew in the room, and it allows him to be many different things to many different people. I’m not saying he’s a fraud, but he does allow people to believe he is an expert in areas where it is hard to prove he truly has the necessary expertise.
In that way he’s sort of a Jewish Rush Limbaugh or Keith Olbermann. A self proclaimed expert and advocate for his ideological brethren. He gets attention, is intelligent, articulate and authentic, and knows how to work the media. However, every once in a while he can make even his supporters cringe. He is truly the American dream.
This, I think, is what makes him so polarizing, especially in the Orthodox community. The Orthodox community, as a whole, has a greater collective Jewish knowledge and aren’t impressed by his bona fides or scraggly beard. Plus, they know many other Rabbis who are greater experts in the fields he is purporting to be an expert. Their Rabbis are focused on serving their communities, while Rabbi Shmuley is who-knows-where debating God-knows-who about who-knows-what. Plus, his he is a constant TV presence, be it on the Oprah Show, Dr. Phil, or starring in his reality show “Shalom in the Home.” Just as Dr. Phil began to lose credibility once he fell in love with the cameras, many traditional Jews view Boteach the same way. It smacks of insincerity and misplaced priorities, and therefore many dismiss him as a Rabbinic impostor.
However, the Orthodox community is missing another side of Boteach that can teach us a lot about ourselves. He is one of the strongest supporters of traditional Jewish life and a public defender of those values. He takes on controversial issues, such as homosexuality and sexual promiscuity, and provides well thought out and nuanced opinions. He is a go-to commentator for the Orthodox take on the world around us, and all in all, he does it well.
These two sides of Boteach can be at odds with each other. In his recent appearance on the Dr. Phil show, an uncomfortable Boteach seems shocked and appalled at the accusation that arranged marriages take place in the Chassidic community. He looks like he would rather be at the Michael Jackson trial than on that set. To be sure, Boteach is no Pollyanna about the nature of Chassidic communities. He was very outspoken in his recent article “Rise of Jewry’s Right Wing Religious Radicals” (Jan 11), especially against the Charedim who spit on an eight year old girl in Beit Shemesh, and even worse, those who instituted a ban against his new book “Kosher Jesus”. He seems to have no problem critiquing the values of their community from afar.
So how could he be caught unaware of Chassidic arranged marriages? Anyone with a Chassidic cousin, friend or coworker knows all about it? The answer is that while social commentator Shmuley Boteach has a lot to say on the issue, author and TV star Shmuley Boteach needs to be very quiet. He needs to be attached to the observant community to gain credibility to the outside world. That’s what makes him authentic. If he questions the sincerity and righteousness of religious Jews, HE will be called into question, so he needs to defend the Chassidic community whether he personally aligns with them or not.
The question is, why aren’t there others in the Orthodox world challenging him in the role of social commentator? Certainly his celebrity helps push him to the top of the list for news organizations, but there is no real arm of the Modern Orthodox community who is competing with him in a serious way. Rabbi Shmuley biggest advantage is his independence. He only represents himself and is self supporting. If he were to write a controversial article, the attention garnered would be to his benefit. It gives him the freedom to do things most Orthodox Rabbis would never do, such as public debates with Priests and Imams, and write about controversial topics. There are some positives in that, a traditional Jewish voice being heard in parts of country it is rarely heard. Most prominent Rabbis have institutions they represent, and they need to be sure their public opinions aren’t too controversial.
On top of that, Orthodox institutions are notoriously gun shy in taking on tough issues. We are always looking to our right and our left in fear of reaction and condemnation. It is like being a pro-choice Republican. You can think it, but you’re very aware that the moment you say it you’ve been labeled forever. Shmuley is independent, fearless and famous, and so he is allowed to be the de facto voice of the Orthodox community to the outside world. The question is, will we promote and publicize those within our ranks to do what he does and be willing to take some criticism along the way?
Ultimately I think he is good for the Jewish people, but it will always be a complicated and polarizing relationship. We can love him or we can hate him, but he never lets us ignore him. Most importantly, I think the Orthodox community has a lot to learn from him in spreading our message and representing our community. Does anyone happen to have Jay-Z’s cell phone number?
I think this is a very accurate take. Shmuley is promoting his own brand. Orthodox Judaism is his vehicle, what gives him credibility. But at the end of the day, you’re going to get what Shmuley wants.
And that’s what makes many frum people uncomfortable. Right now, you may agree with how he’s presenting you to the world, but you know that when it suits him, he’ll change. When he’s outgrown his current audience, he’ll make some book like “Kosher Jesus”. His bottom line isn’t the frum community, or any other for that matter. The compass always points Shmuley.
The overwhelming majority of Orthodox/Chassidic Jews consider Boteach to be nothing but an annoying liability , and would be more than relieved if he disappeared from the public scene by tonight. On the other hand, they’re realistic enough to realize that they can’t just expect him to go away, since there’s no corner of the globe that is spacious enough to accommodate his outsized ego.
There is no question as most people have observed that Shmuly has one objective in everything he does, and that is promoting himself. Over the years it has become evident that any stand he takes is based on one barometer- will this help me or not. He would gladly choose the opposite side were he to know he would benefit from it. As the author mentioned, he is either frowned upon within his own circles or the laughing stock of his own circles. His “fan base” is mostly non-Jewish or people who are illiterate of Jewish law, values, and customs.
Rabbi Strulowitz states: “So how could he be caught unaware of Chassidic arranged marriages? Anyone with a Chassidic cousin, friend or coworker knows all about it?” No Shmuly is not unaware of that, and to be honest I dont think he was disputing that arranged marriages “exist” in the orthodox community. He was only arguing, and rightfully so, that it does not exist in the vast majority of religious couples as the guests on Dr. Phil were claiming. On this Shmuly is one hundred percent correct. In fact the women Pearlperry Reich was herself never in any arranged marriage nor was her boyfriend Shouly for that matter. Shmuly was simply calling them out on they’re lie. Although it does exist in some Chasidic communities, in the communities they were referring to it does not exist at all. Unfortunately as Shmuly tries to cash in where ever he can, it seems that Rabbi Strulowitz is doing the same. Or maybe we will give him the benefit of the doubt that he is totally unaware about the goings on within the religious community.
I think this is a very accurate take. Shmuley is promoting his own brand. Orthodox Judaism is his vehicle, what gives him credibility. But at the end of the day, you’re going to get what Shmuley wants.
And that’s what makes many frum people uncomfortable. Right now, you may agree with how he’s presenting you to the world, but you know that when it suits him, he’ll change. When he’s outgrown his current audience, he’ll make some book like “Kosher Jesus”. His bottom line isn’t the frum community, or any other for that matter. The compass always points Shmuley.
BTW, the whole “arranged marriages” crap is total BS, maybe a hundred years ago that was going on but not today. Its all arranged dates…more like one or two 30-40 min dates at best and they don’t get very long to make a choice but they do get to make a choice! anyone who says they got shammed into an arranged marriage is full of shit. all of my cousins are hard core Boropark Chasidim, and I know how it works. it arranged dating, that’s all.
You’re absolutely right!
Is this a serious comment?
Dude they are claiming that an arranged date is almost the same thing as an arranged marriage. When your 17 years old and you seldom make decisions for yourself in you life – It’s hard to say no.
Exactly. You technically have a choice, but you will be shunned by the community if you say no. Much more often is the case that the couple divorces a couple years into the marriage than say no at the outset.
this is true. This Strulowitz dude is obviously clueless about how frum people get married. I live in a very frum community and have yet to meet someone that had an arranged marriage. Is this Strulowitz Rabbi orthodox? he sounds like he thinks Jews have horns. Strulowits, do your your research before next time before you pull down your pants.
The author makes a mistake putting the spitter in the same category as kosher j. The spitter reflects the attitude of an extremist minority. Shmuly and others cheaply exploited his vile behavior as somehow normative religious Judaism. Most of the Hareidi/Ortho world was appauled by the spitter’s actions. It’s not hard for any frum Yid to revile what he did, so please do not give SB any credit for criticizing him. It was simply another opportunity for self-promotion, to look heroic to the non-Jewish world at the expense of the religious community. However, SB’s dispicable book has only caused confusion and negativity, and suffers from an egotistical and dangerous lack of real scholarship. I was delighted to hear that he has entered the political arena– that is where he belongs! Get off the pulpit and become the Jewish Al Sharpton– that’s where his talents can be most effective!
I’m not going so far to give SB credit for this but it’s very clear that it took rediculously long for the big rabbis to come out and condemn the beit shemesh ppl. And even then very few rabbis publicaly spoke out about it. Im glad that someone in the public eye said something even if his intentions are clearly in doubt.
this is very accurate!! just a side note: shmuly boteach was in lakewood, nj a few weeks ago for shabbat. He got cursed out wherever he went. Just some food for thought.
Food for thought — so he’s um, Jesus? A Jewish thinker who takes his brand of teaching just beyond the comfort zone of the mainstream religious people of his time and therefore rejected by most. Some however follow him. Every makes up stories about him. One day he’ll die (won’t we all) and then the fun begins. Who are his apostles and are they good fiction writers? This could be a real game-changer.
Catholic + Shmuley = Shumlik?
“America’s Rabbi”……….. and do you know what “America’s Shul” is………. yes you got it right, the YOUNG ISRAEL. Whether your the Young Israel of Forest Hills, the Young Israel of East Brunswick or the Young Israel of Lawrence……… it is all the same. Step inside to America’s Shul… We are a Social Club where you have to join “to be seen”……. Sponsorships are available!
What is Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
What is this blog post?
Wonderful piece. However I gristle at one point – the issue of arranged marriages. While I am no fan of Rabbi Boteach and I’m not impressed with his general dismissal of the issue, “arranged marriage” is not really the proper term for the shidduch system within Orthodox Judaism. A true arranged marriage is where either the bride or groom or both have almost nothing to do with either the choice to marry, or their marriage partner. This is not the case in the shidduch system; even in the most insular chassidic communities. What you do have is extreme social pressure to conform and obey. But there is the opportunity to decline a marriage and get divorced. And there are plenty of chassidim that do.
“I gristle at one point”
You become stretchy cartilage in meat? That reaction is a bit extreme… 🙂
If the letter of the law is not broken on the arranged marriage issue the spirit of the law is clearly broken. There is a reason why the torah makes marriage volitional . With extreme pressure – as you put it – it seems to me that for all practical purposes you are taking the choice away for many ppl.
If the letter of the law is not broken on the arranged marriage issue the spirit of the law is clearly broken. There is a reason why the torah makes marriage volitional . With extreme pressure – as you put it – it seems to me that for all practical purposes you are taking the choice away for many ppl.
On the phil reich show, Perel could have pointed out that ‘Rabbi’ shmueley’s standing with the orthodox community was not much better than her own since he published “kosher Jesus”. I think that he got flak from many orthodox rabbis for it.
…and Rabbi Shmule refused to comment on the situation of “technical adultery” due to get refusal…
SB also encouraged Reich to pursue her modeling career. How many Orthodox rabbis encourage young women to pursue modeling as a career?
He basically says whatever is politically expedient in the moment. I guess he is already well on the path to being a politician. Nevertheless, as a staunch conservative, I would probably vote for a Dem over SB. Just can’t stand the man.
In had mixed feelings about Rabbi Boteach, till about 10 years ago. That’s when I went to hear him speak, and that event solidified my current extreme dislike of this egotistical self-promoter.
It was a panel discussion on the Upper West Side about sex. The other 2 panelists were a sexual therapist and a radio show host who was a former prostitute. The most disgusting person on the panel was Boteach. He brought up unnecessary examples of sexual details which clearly were meant just to titillate, and then disingenuously claimed that his examples were educational stories to make his points about morality.
A shameless self-promoter, a person obsessed with sex, and a hypocrite.
Being someone who would like to see the Jewish community more unified, I have to admit, I like Shmuley Boteach. I think he provides a very positive image of Orthodoxy, and of Judaism in general. Better him than the cretins who spit on eight year old girls.
Yes, he has an outsized ego; yes he is a shameless self-promoter. He is, however, highly intelligent, and an original thinker. He is to Judaism, in general, as Chabad is to Chassidism. (No, I’m not Chabad; yes I love Chabad.)
The “cretins” who spit on little girls are a handful of extremists, sensationalized by the media and those wishing to aggandize themselves. Spitters are hardly reflective of Orthodox Jews. It’s a cheap shot on SB’s part and does a huge disservice to the civilized majority.
There is good reason to question the spiritual cred. of a person always trying to sell something (i.e. himself). BTW, as a Jewish New Jerseyan (born and raised) I’m a bit embarrassed by his candidacy for Congress. In a state with so much to be embarrassed about, that’s saying something.
– Yisroel
Anyone tt has ever seen a debate of his knows that while he is bright and articulate, he is almost always not the most educated in the room. He is very slick at covering that, though – it seems to me that his ego has blocked his intelligence. He’s a good man with great potential, yet with that ego in his way, talks about issues that he doesn’t understand.
The Only Reason You Should NOT Vote for Shmuely Boteach
I’d just like to point out that no one really seems to know whether or not arranged marriages are actually taking place. Everyone does seem to know that “everyone knows they happen” or “you’re insane if you think they happen”. It’s clearly not so simple, seeing as there does not seem to be a general consensus
I don’t live in the chasidish community but I live in Monsey and know people who work in kiryas Yoel. I’ve heard that this is how it goes (this is not first hand information).
The parents get together and heavily check out the potential suitor and the suitors family. The parents then agree to have their children meet (this is a very intensive process and takes a long time for the parents to find the one for their child). They then set up a meeting in a room for the potential couple and talk for like an hour – often 2 separate times. The teenagers (often age 17-19 years old) can say if they don’t want to go through with it. It is technechally not arranged because they have a right to refuse the marriage. (It does happen fairly often that they refuse the match).
Does anyone know if:
1. The ones being set up have a say in the check out process?
2. How hard is it to refuse the shidduch? Is there no pressure? Is there just an unspoken pressure because the parents did the extensive check out? or are the children given outright flack if they refuse?
I’m sure there are a lot of variations on how it’s done. Does anyone have firsthand knowledge of the process?
Are they so wrong? Y’know, when those 18-year-old newlyweds turn 28 they probably read about “Litvish” yeshiva bochurs marrying at 28 and think to themselves “Dude, if you’re so smart and allegedly straight, why did you just spent 10+ years in degrading private vice rather than experience *real* oneg shabbos on Friday night like a real man?” and they probably read about “modern/liberal/nonfrum” couples with, say, 24-month engagements and think “Dudette, if you’re so liberated, why did you just spend the last 21 months as a cruel tease or as a free prostitute/concubine?”
Happy Passover!
Shmuley is a wonderful man. I know him as a friend, not as “America’s Rabbi.” We’ve been to several Shabbos’es by him and his fam. They are warm, welcoming, non-judgemental…..Cute kids, too! 🙂 He’s actually quiet, too. He davens with lots of passion and gets everyone in a great mood….He draws a very mixed crowd: from Lakewood to Miami and everything in between! We had a blast (and cracked up!) one Friday night…just all talking like “regular” people….Like every “celebrity” or famous persona, they have their media/game-face, and then they have their “at home” face.
Orthodox is not Chassidic. There is a huge difference. I do not think of this Rabbi as a liability. Why would I do that? As an observant or orthodox man I do not take him personally. I don’t understand people who do.