Sometimes I think of work.
Sometimes I think of my bills.
Sometimes I think of biking.
Sometimes I think of hiking.
Sometimes I think of my girlfriend.
Sometimes I think of blog posts.
Sometimes I think of what I am going to that day.
Sometimes I water my garden.
Sometimes I look for random things.
Sometimes I put stuff in my car.
Sometimes I pack up for a trip.
Sometimes I look at mail.
But never do I have full concentration during davening. Its been plaguing me lately, whatever I do I cannot just daven, I try and try and then my mind wanders, I am mumbling the words by heart, my tefilin is on, but my mind is somewhere else. This happens regardless of if I am at shul or in my living room. It doesn’t matter if it’s a weekday or shabbos, heck it doesn’t matter if its Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah.
I even thought of this post while davening, I always make up my mind before davening that I am going to try and concentrate on davening, forget kavannah, I am just trying to daven without doing anything listed above and more.
I find that those “praying with fire” type books say things I already know, and are quite obvious. I have heard the “we are standing in front of the almighty” countless times during sermons and mussar shmuzem, it doesn’t work buddy, maybe my emunah is just out of whack- but I cannot seem to imagine the king right there as I am debating what to write for my next blog during ashrei.
Actually I find that the only time I have kavannah is when I talk to God directly in English during long drive by myself or on hikes. For me Hisbodedut is the only way to go in the davening department, yet I don my tefilin every day, try to go to shul and think random thoughts instead of about the gory of God.
I was reading Praying with Fire in shul this past shabbos and found that the book would probably be detrimental to someone like myself, who hasn’t really gotten in to the routine of davening three times a day, everyday, my wishy washy friends who go to sleep without saying maariv would read something like “the kavannah of our times is so bad that our prayers aren’t accepted” with a mind that says- shit that means I shouldn’t even daven. I read a bunch of stuff in the book that had things like, your prayers aren’t good enough, or some gates aren’t open unless you pour your soul out. Great, the only thing I ever pour out is my recently done laundry so I can fold it during Yishtabach.
I wrote about this awhile back in the post “what do you think about during shoman esray?”
Once the Baal Shem Tov’s students came to him and asked whether it was permissible for them to approach a famous Tzaddik, well-known for the “segulot” which he handed out to his followers. The Ba’al Shem Tov replied, “If you want to go to him, then go.” They persisted and asked for a sign that would help them know whether he was a true Tzaddik, and not a charlatan. The Ba’al Shem Tov replied, “I will give you a sign. This Tzaddik gives ‘segulot’ for every type of illness and trouble. Ask him for a ‘segula’ for foreign thoughts in prayer. If he offers you one, then you can be sure he is a charlatan
A Chassidic story describes a chassid who came to the Rebbe with the following complaint: “Rebbe, I have foreign thoughts.”
“Foreign?” asked the Rebbe. “They aren’t foreign at all. They’re all yours.”
Chassidut teaches that when a particular issue is disturbing a person, he has to “elevate” those foreign thoughts; to “elevate the sparks.” These kabbalistic concepts mean the following, in practical terms: You must translate the problem which occupies your thoughts into the language of prayer. Whether you are thinking about business or family or anything else, God is certainly able to help you in solving the problem. Don’t banish this “foreign thought” from your mind; on the contrary – keep it with you, and turn that very thought into a prayer.
http://www.vbm-torah.org/archive/ryapray2.htm
davening with kavanah is really hard for me too. i am currently reading a sefer about it and i will let you know if i find any insight into this issue. i try to think about my purpose for davening which should be to connect with God. maybe you could try that.
Hesh, you learn Tanya don’t you?
You know that the tachlis of maisa breishis was to make a dira btachtonim, a dwelling place down here in the lower worlds, for Hashem.
Tell me, what’s a greater tachton (no offense) than somebody with all these distracting thoughts during davening? I, by the way, belong in this category. It’s davka THAT person for whom the kavanah was to create the world. It’s that person that has to make a dwelling place for Hashem, more than any tzaddik.
This was the tremendous chiddush (of many) of Chassidus in general, and Chassidus Chabad especially. With all due respect to the chochmei mussar, people read these seforim and learn about all these lofty levels that are poshut not shayich to them. The Alter Rebbe came along and taught us that it’s specifically those for whom food and money and cars, etc. are a reality, who are the ones that Hashem wants davening to him!
And so you expose a dirty little secret of so many religions… kavannah is strongest when we talk to G-d or Buddha or whoever when we do it honestly.
Prayers are rote formulas. Standardization. Now ask yourself, if you were G-d, would you want a few billion humans addressing you with form letters umpteen times a day across the planet, every day? Maybe for efficiency’s sake, but they’re not telling you anything personally engaging are they?
Prayer, when done because it’s just what has always been done and what is expected, it becomes that form letter. Even if we want to superstitiously believe there’s a magic to form construction. There isn’t, and our rationality when applied to the core tenets of faith tell us so, but we do it because it is a mater of standardization in shared faith, aka religion.
In that way all those prayer books at shul are no different than the documents for ISO-9001 compliance, but G-d doesn’t ask for your head so much as your heart and when you go walking and talking to Him, there’s your heart talking.
Praying with fire and kavannah only happens when that prayer is the only time you ever address G-d and for many, it isn’t. So don’t feel bad as long as you still talk to G-d. Just don’t ever stop. He likes being with us.
Hisbodedut
Um, it’s either hitbodedut or hisbodedus.
Though I’ve done te same thing sometimes. Comes of being raised in a household where we spoke hebrew in “sfaradit” but went to yeshiva where everything was in “ashkenazis”
“the gory of God” Nice typo… Just sayin’
About davening, and kavanah during it – I gave up davening from a siddur a long time ago. Most of the time I am pretty sure God either does not exists or is not listening, but when I DO feel he or she is there, and I have something to say, it’s in English, from my heart.
I’m with suitepotato in that davening from a siddur, from a one size fits all template, has to be a lot less meaningful to God than the heartfelt thoughts and prayers from someone who really feels it and means it when he or she is praying.
It makes absolute and perfect sense to me that you have a hard time concentrating on davening when it is from a sidur and by rote. However, when you are out there, on your bike or during a drive, when you can think and feel without other distractions, it’s coming from YOU, from your heart and your soul (and not some musty, outdated book full of prayers that someone else came up with.)
Just a thought– maybe the problem isn’t with you, but with the idea of repeating a series of statements in another language without regard to whether the statements have any particular relevance to you, or are consistent with what you really want from God. Do you really want heretics to be punished and without hope? Do you really want the Temple to be rebuilt?
I hate to say it but even though I’ve been married for 12 years, I often think during Tefillah of my ex-girl friend, an Upper Westside M.O. chic, that I lost my virginity to.
Responsible citizen, way to move on ;o) LOL I wonder what she thinks about when she davens…
David you are absolutely right- and even if you understand the stuff your saying- it makes little difference.
Responsible citizen- I am not that bad.
You must’ve read my mind Hesh. The other day I was thinking “I read a siddur 3 times a day. Occasionally, I pray.”
Sometimes all you need is one big shock to throw you back on the bandwagon. Unfortunately we all wait until tragedies to wake up. Just read about jews who suffered clinical deaths and miraculously were resucitated. The experience they had won’t let them sin again. There’s a reality when you die and only when it’s too late do you wish for another chance. What they would give to daven up there! Arrrgh I’m bad at mussar, but if you think deeply you can kind of imagine what it’s like to not have another chance and be stuck. Watch the video “seal of truth” its going around now.
I hope those around me will have such kavanah they wont notice when I have to pick my nose…
There’s a reason we have a nusach. It’s not to exclude tefillos that are unscripted. Addrabba, it’s a mitzvah asei to daven to Hashem when you need something, in any language if necessary.
The reason a (more or less) standard nusach was developed by the anshei knesses hagedolah and later chachomim is that certain things we’re required to ask for, and most of us don’t have nearly the background/knowledge to know what to ask for. There’s stories of chazzanim who didn’t know how to proceed. Not because they couldn’t read from the siddur but because there were no siddurim!
Davening the nusach 3 times a day is the bare minimum for tefilah.
Now if you don’t understand why we’re asking for the things that we are (malshinim and the beis hamidkash, may it be speedily rebuilt), then that is another entirely different problem; this is not the place to address that.
Anonymous, just to play devil’s advocate here – this is not the place to address that? Did you decide that on your own? Personally I have no interest in reinstating the practice of animal sacrifice, but that’s just me….
Larry, I watched the seal of truth. I don’t know what to say about that. I want to beieve the guy really, I do, but maybe he is just a crackpot?
There are scientific explanations to the near death phenomena he describes (though maybe not in so much detail.) I am too tired and lazy to look it up exactly, but there is evidence to support the hallucinations of the bright light and dead family members and all that jazz. Biologically speaking it’s like a dream during REM sleep – it feels real but it isn’t.
So as far as the seal of truth goes, it could be real, could be a hallucination – personally I’d like to think that God and the afterlife if kinder than what he speaks of. I guess I’ll find out someday (hopefully not too soon….)
There’s no kind way to say what needs to be said so I’m choosing to refrain from saying it. I wish you the best, chanief.
I was “clinically dead” once (but not in a clinic). Didnt see a white light or any of that stuff. At the time, it was just annoying that my heart had stopped. That experience has something to do with my faith in god, but it didnt stop me from sinning and surely has not provided focus to all my prayers.
Welcome to the human condition Hesh.
Do you guys remember “Hands Across America?” I struggle with davening too for many reasons. What I do find is that knowing that around the world there are people saying the exact same words as I am at around the same time (especially on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur) using words and tunes that are hundreds of years old, now that’s powerful. I think there is power in that, in the words, definately in the tunes. That’s the Chasid in me. As to personal prayer, the liturgy makes room for that and so do I. For me, lighting Shabbat candles is my time to reflect and ask in my own words for the things most important for me and my loved ones.
In my experience trying to daven with “my soul pouring out” or whatever you want to call just doesn’t really mean much to me.
For me concentration comes when extra care comes in to the words themselves, pausing in the correct places so that it actually makes sense.
Of course this is hard to do consistently, I regularly will get up to modim, realise I’m supposed to bow and have no recollection of saying the last 10 berachot because I was thinking about what to wear or something(maybe that’s the entire reason for white shirts :p).
Personal prayer can feel extremely powerful, and complements the structured format.
suitepotato and all who agree with him/her:
The sidder was set up by rabbis (or whoever) that were close to God and knew what he/she would want to hear. Of course, one must understand the prayers or else they won’t mean anything. I’m not saying the davening from your heart in your own language is bad, but we shouldn’t underestimate the prayers in the sidder that were specifically chosen.
Honestly, I havethe same issue, and i have a very hard time to concentrate on the bare minimum, the first three brochos.
R’Moshe Feinstien was once asked why he doesnt shake by davening, and he replied, “when I was sommoned bSince then y the communists to be intoregated i stood there without moving a muscle. I realaized what it means to stand in attention and “moira”. Since then I Keep that in mind before I start Shmonei esreh.”
After I heard that story, I tried to not shake by Shmonei esreh. I couldnt. My body had to move. So by making an asserted effort to not move, because I amm standing before god, it gives me a couple fo seconds of concentration. It helps a little more, and italso lets me say the words slower which helps sometimes too.
If you need kavanah try pathway to prayer it help. With 50 tips to help one concentrate. really less it quotes some again but from different people.
If I could concentrate better during davening, then I would be able to perform better at other things, too.
Chanief, I have seen people in my dreams and met them later on, sometimes years later. All I can say is, God runs the world. I believe that the Rabbis who wrote the prayers had a degree of profecy far more powerful than mine, and knew what God wanted to hear.
Please start using a siddur again.
I have davened from my heart in English and still my mind wanders. Both are useful there are somethings we should always ask for that and the siddur makes sure we do.
As far as imagining G_d before me, who has such a mind to be able to do that?
For all of you.. I would suggest that you listen to a cd or search online for “Rabbi Lazer Brody”
you may need to listen for around 15 minutes to appreciate the truth of his lecture. He’s EXCELLENT and I believe you would like it as well. Search for “Emunah” by him. I would love to hear your opinion. (TheStuffYouLove@aol.com)