Tag: God
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4391Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4391
The Archbishop and the Chief Rabbi
At a dinner of the CCJ (Council of Christians and Jews) Archbishop Carey and Chief Rabbi Sachs presided. In opening his speech, Jonathan Sachs…
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4492Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4492
Who wants to go to heaven?
Rabbi Goldman walks into a shul in Tel Aviv, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"…
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4508Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4508
The rabbi’s idea of heaven
A Jew newly entered to heaven sees his old rabbi in the distance. Excited, he rushes over. The rabbi is sitting by the side…
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4606Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4606
Not worth cooking for two
A rabbi goes to heaven and meets God for the first time. A thought hits him and asks God about what souls eat when…
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4607Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4607
Why God created goyim
Why did Hashem create Goyim? Somebody had to pay retail.
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4611Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4611
The plague limerick
The Jews were tired of being bossed Moses asked for a plague to be tossed With not much to spend God sent in the…
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4612Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4612
Pat at the Pearly Gates
There once was an proud Irishman named Pat, who went to heaven and saw St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked, "Who…
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4654Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4654
Names at the Pearly Gates
Waiting in line outside of St. Peter's gate one day were three men and their daughters who all died in a huge car accident.…
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4672Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4672
Sam on Mount Carmel
Sam Leibovitz foolishly decided to climb mount Carmel--if you knew Sam Leibovitz, you would agree it was a foolish thing to begin with, the…
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4897Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4897
Lost luggage
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send…
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4915Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4915
The non-smiting section
Why did the Angel of Death smite the first-born of the Egyptians, but pass over the homes of the Jews? They were in the…
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4940Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4940
Sh*t happens, Jewish edition
There have been several versions of how different religions reinterpret the phrase "Sh*t Happens". Here's the Jewish rendition: Hassidism: Blessed are they upon whom…
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5029Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5029
A plot by the pigs
How did "thou shall not eat pork" become a commandment anyway? I think it was just a plot by the pigs to save their…
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5073Joke no. Classic joke · No. 5073
The righteous and the wicked
A rabbi was asked to explain the difference between the righteous and the wicked individual and replied: "Both the righteous and the wicked constantly…
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4367Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4367
You’re Also Right
A Jew goes to see God and says: “God, remember when I had that argument with a Christian and asked You which of us…
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4378Joke no. Classic joke · No. 4378
Sent to Israel
David and Moshe (or Shmulik the bus driver, if you prefer) are talking. Moshe says: “You know my son Simon?” “Of course I know…
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0620Joke no. Classic joke · No. 0620
Out for a drive
Rifka and Abe had just left Ken Wood and Rifka was driving them home in their old Ford Cortina. They had just turned into…
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0650Joke no. Classic joke · No. 0650
The Rabbi and his friends – 3
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with donations to their respective religious organizations. The minister says that he…
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0717Joke no. Classic joke · No. 0717
On their way
A catholic woman, a protestant woman and Hette die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gate to heaven. The catholic…
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1115Joke no. Classic joke · No. 1115
The rescue attempt
Jacob is a very religious man. One day, a nearby river floods its banks and rushes into town, forcing Jacob to climb onto his…
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1201Joke no. Classic joke · No. 1201
Religious test
Moshe, Peter and Ali were discussing who was the most religious. "I was riding my camel in the middle of the desert," said Ali.…
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1559Joke no. Classic joke · No. 1559
Another riddle
Q: What brocheh does one say before taking Viagra? A: There is a choice of three blessings: 1. Boruch Atah Hashem zokeif k'fuffim -…
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2565Joke no. Classic joke · No. 2565
Former Soviet Union.Leon Blum.Mohammed in France.Gross Justice.Jewish Santa.Good Logic.Saddam’s Stepson.Dating.Non-Jewish Jokes
A Soviet dissident is found studying Jewish materials and is taken by the KGB. His interrogation went as follows: KGB: Why were you studying…
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2636Joke no. Classic joke · No. 2636
Lotto
An observant Jew called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate…