I had an epiphany tonight while sitting in Burgers Bar of the five towns. , if people and shuls could be hashkafically labeled, why can’t restaurants?
Lubavitch: In order to be considered such, you need a bit more than the token Rebbe picture. I can always tell a Lubavitch restaurant when they have lubavitch siddurim and random benchers with those songs like “ little bird” in the back of them. Yamrulkes with tzivos Hashem patches should be scattered about and ideally the Rebbe picture should really have a framed dollar somewhere in it. I am sure in Crown Heights they have meshichist and non-meshichist restaurants – but if any of you folks ever get the chance, do yourself a favor and go to Deli Kasbah on the upper west side for the real “rebbe is moshiach eating experience” everything is Rebbe related, right down to the message from the Rebbe on the menus, and if that’s not enough they have rolling videos of fabrengins instead of sports on the screens.
Modern Orthodox: I thought of this idea while sitting in Burgers Bar tonight, I thought of it mainly because Burgers Bar in the Five Towns is too narrow of a restaurant to be considered frum, narrow walkways make for hairy situations when your trying to avoid those “let me squeeze behind you without rubbing your butt” situations, and they force men and women to come in close contact with each other, but I really thought of the post while listening to the music. You see, frummy restaurants would never play goyishe music, let alone top 40 pritzusdike stuff. Modern orthodox restaurants also have non-Jewish periodicals and may even have workers dressed untzniusly.
Modern orthodox restaurants will also sometimes have talk radio on b esides for music, you can always find stray copies of the NY Post lying around and nannies from the West Indies will always be wheeling a bunch of rich modern orthodox kids into the place and taking orders. Modern orthodox pizza stores are all run by Sephardim.
Chassidish: Have any of you ever been in a restaurant with a mechitza? Or maybe a restaurant in which, women are clearly unwelcome and don’t bother venturing inside? In Williamsburg you have Greens – which has two entrances and a very high wall that isn’t just randomly placed, its like a modern orthodox machmir shul mechitza, but still, its in a restaurant. I have always wondered if the rules are similar to the bathroom with regards to allowing your kids to eat on the other side of the wall. One of my favorite restaurants in the whole city, Gottleibs, a deli in Williamsburg is clearly made for men, although women do enter, if you ask for a salad they look at you like your nuts – I heard a rant against vegetables unless they are in cholent once. Real chassidish restaurants don’t have menus, because choice is assur.
Yeshivish: The first thing you will notice is pre-pubescent choir music with Shweky in the backround, yeshivish restaurants always have yeshivish music. They also must have a poorly placed stroller to block the washing station which is located down some dank narrow hallway stuck between the bathroom and the kitchen. There are always a bunch of kids who are dressed alike and give you the borough park stare. Yeshivish restaurants are also trying to be cool so you will notice that they love fish tanks that have never been cleaned. There has to be stacks and stacks of those free magazines that only have ads for sheitles and furniture in them, with games that try to get you to find a random spoon in order to win 20 bucks. Yeshivish restaurants are the only ones who changed the name French Fries to Freedom Fries.
Yeshiva Guy: There is a whole category of restaurants that caters to the yeshiva guy that wants to die of a heart attack at a young age (make sure your kollel gives you life insurance). Subsational, Burgers Bar, Carlos and Gabbys, Shawarma joints, places that serve weekday cholent and any place that has “schnitzel” in its name. These restaurants are all brightly lit, and try to hire off the derech guys as their mashgiach tamidis, or hot underage girls to bring the yeshiva guys in the door – Carlos and Gabbys in Brooklyn has taken the Purple Pear route by hiring two hot semi-rebellious girls to take orders and turn the nightly yeshiva guy crowd on. These restaurants must have stale bread in a bag inside a whicker basket by the washing station, they usually don’t have any music playing and are almost always located in places where it is hard to park.
What hashkafa is the restaurant that has the food that tastes really good but there’s invariably a hair in the sauce somewhere and if you get the clean glass you win the door prize?
A few months ago, Mr. Baguette opened in Crown Heights. They had all the Rebbe propaganda, but the TV showed nonstop Shwekey and MBC concerts 24 hours a day. I was so confused.
Hmm. You need to branch out a bit more with your restaurant choices instead of being so New York-centric. You’ve certainly spent time outside the area, why not show some love (or poke some fun) at other places a la “Yeah That’s Kosher.”
How would you classify the kosher McDonald’s in Buenos Aires, for example?
It’s exactly like the McDonald’s on the other end of the foodcourt, except you can’t get half the items you’d normally find there.
Anonymous – when I’m in New York I write about NY – I have written about Dallas, Denver and Israeli restaurants too, I also spoke about the burger king in Costa Rica – but how can I make fun of something I never experienced.
Here is one for Yeshiva dudes, too bad it isn’t kosher.
Untznius warning.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9N4Y1DpTxs
In Baltimore you have:
Yeshivish: Dirty, bad service, semi-bad tasteless food, serves sushi regardless of genre of cuisine, questionable locations
Modern Orthodox: Semi-dirty, decent food, acceptable service, serves sushi, good location (you don’t need to worry about your car being stolen)
Persian: bland food (pizza), service varies although owners and family are always nice, serves sushi
Goldbergs: Nuff said. Does not serve sushi
Formerly treife restaurants: Excellent service, clean, good food, serves sushi
I think that about covers it
you forgot sephardi. You know the ones in Israel with the big Babi Sali picture, lots of hot food and mysterious organ meat. You have these in Brooklyn and Queens
Queens is really a Sephardi community. They are pushing the Ashkenaz out with their light colored pointy shoes and gray suits…
Phil, I watced that video. Strippers wear more clothes than those girls. They could just shut arrest all those girls for indecent exposure.
I have been to a restaurant with a mechitzah in Williamsburg. It was so high. It was like when they used to have the separate smoking sections. It was THAT high.
MbA,
You clicked it even with a warning, I dont think you signed away your complaining rights there.
Mba,
No one forced anyone to go there. I think that they looked very decent even though they weren’t tznius. If the hospital had nurses like that, I’d be playing hooky more often. Oy!
Starving – can you give me some advice on Baltimore restaurants? I will be coming through Baltimore next week, passing through the city at lunchtime, with several friends – some Jewish non-observant, some non-Jewish, and I’d like a kosher place that won’t scare them or make them sick. Any advice?
This reminds me of when the rabbis in Brooklyn started requiring all the waitresses to wear skirts or else the restaurants would loser their hechsher…
This reminds me of when the rabbis in Brooklyn started requiring all the waitresses to wear skirts or else the restaurant would lose their hechsher…
A Chabad restaurant could have “Farbrengen Fries”.
If you like Chinese/Japanese I’d recommend Umamis which is right next to Goldbergs.
It’s really good (a little pricy), but the food and service is excellent. I’d say that in Baltimore, it’s the closest thing to a “normal” restaurant that we have. Not that I don’t love Tov Pizza, or Kosher Bite or the rest… but if you don’t want to scare folks… Umami’s is probably the way to go.
My next choice would be Accents/Coccochinos. The food is good, but I don’t love eating in the atrium of a mall.
Goldberg’s Bagels also won’t scare non frum folks.
Good luck
Yes, I clicked on it despite the warning but, wow. And they wheeled them out to the parking lot. Is it LEGAL to be in public dressed like that?
Thanks!
Only problem is we’re thinking of pizza kind of stuff for dinner…but assuming we don’t eat until around 6 that should work fine.
MbA
Its probably good that you dont get out very much. I get the feeling that the outside world would be very bad for your blood pressure and general health.
MbA, I saw people wearing much less as I was walking through Washington Square today. Then again, the Village has its reputation for attracting all types.
You have to toivel in a mivkah after walking through that place.
Anyone know of any kosher Japanese restaurants that move beyond sushi?
There’s this clear noodle, beef soup that I haven’t had since my treif days. It’s called sukiyaki, if I’m not mistaken.
Starving, I haven’t lived in Baltimore for a bit, but is David Chu’s still there? I had one non-Jewish friend who started going there for Chinese, he liked it so much. Heshy, they have Burgers Bar in the U.S. now? Is it anywhere besides the Five Towns?
MO and proud of it
They have a burgers bar in flatbush I belive it’s on Ave.J.There salads and chips are really good!
The first really yeshivishe blog was just created; it is called briskyeshivish.blogspot.com