This may be one of the funniest shidduch advice questions I have ever received, I find it even funnier because the guy sending it is on the yeshivish side and has probably not had much experience with his subject other than from an aesthetic appreciation, but not from a practical application such as preference for speed or bounce.
After reading your post on “makpid on looks”, however, I have to ask you: how do I make sure I get set up only with girls who have large breasts?
Now that I am done laughing my ass off, you should NEVER EVER ask a shadchan or someone are not good enough friends with to discuss such important pressing matters with – to set you up with large chested women. The only way to assure that a shadchan will set you up with a large chested woman is to ask for one of their zaftig models, but then you may not be able to differentiate between their boos and their stomach.
When the shadchans or my (aged) rabbis or certain frummies ask me what I’m looking for in a girl, I can’t just tell them “if she’s not at D, she’s not for me.” It would be a waste of time for me to meet a girl with anything less (unless her personality was extremely amazing, but even then, I would try to find someone with huge ones AND an amazing personality).
I would suggest hiring a private investigator or stalking the hell out of the girl before dating her. You can always ask for a picture, but since most shidduch pictures are from the neck up it’s hard to tell, maybe you would be able to see if she has a look of strain on her face – this could be strain from trying to support her large rack, it could also be because the picture was taken during a bad bout of constipation. There is no correlation that girls with big boobs have a better or worse personality, they just have trouble running and finding the right sized bra – I dated a girl who wore a G -cup bra and it took her forever to find that size – yes I repeat abcdefG.
I feel like if I settle for a chick with smaller ones, I will be doing just that – – – settling. Every time a chesty Esti (those hardcore beis yaakov girls with gigantic racks) walks into a room, I go crazy. I can ask a few friends about perspective girls’ racks, but sometimes not all of my “cool” friends know the girls, and then I will be stuck wondering. I’m really not shallow in terms of looks; I agree with what you said about having a killer brain, and that is my TOP priority (along with my hashkafas), but massive boobs are right up there and I want to be sure I get set up only with girls who are big on top. I just can’t tell the frummies that. Please help.
How come you never informed me of the Chesty Esti thing, I think I should have known of such bais yaakov urban dictionary themes. You’re mostly right, you cannot tell frummies that, it means your minds in the gutter and it is, but of course you’re not shallow – you just want what’s right for your babies when you have them – you do realize that her breasts will be even larger after she gets knocked up by you right? I would be interested to hear your story if you did ask a shadchan or write on your saw you at sinai profile that you wanted a girl with a huge rack – that may cause quite a stir on the yeshiva world news forums.
wtf?
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! If this dude thinks its tough to bring up breast size to a shadchan….my mind reels at the thought of a girl bringing up penis size hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! This guy wants alot, he better be packing lol
This post totally made my day. I’ll be giggling like a teenager til tomorrow :):):)
lol best comment EVER!!!!!!!!!
aaawwwww….I’m kvelling 🙂
I think it’s best that this male should never procreate. This is the only way to ensure that his genes do not get passed on to the next generation.
like!
The miracle of modern medicine and a few thousand dollars can make any flat-chested woman into a breast man’s dreamboat. However, all the surgical intervention money can buy can’t transform a shrew into a kind wife, a bimbo into an interesting conversational partner or a shallow, vain trophy wife into a loving and supportive mate.
true
Call me crazy, but I’d take a winning personality over a winning body any day of the week. What’s the point of being married to someone’s who smoking hot if you can’t interact with them on a daily basis? Or stand having to talk to them, much less serious things like raising children?
Good looks are icing on the cake, yes I’d like to have a really attractive wife, but one I can get along with and have a relationship with takes priority.
True ‘dat
Or as Ron White says “You Can’t Fix Stupid”
I just watched that. Hilarious.
I`m speechless !!( in a good way)
Is this a joke??
Chesty Esti, I love this one!
Best frum phrase ever.
i’m dying. i may have to work the phrase “chesty esty” into my play!!!!
This guy has a point. Why can everybody else request anything else psychological or physiological in nature, but chas v’shalom, to say anything about the holy breasts is like toyveling with a sheretz? What’s the big deal? It’s science.
As long as she doesn’t have a penis – I’m good
I hope he gets set up with a water bra user.
I believe I’ve heard the term “Yeshivish figure” used just for this purpose.
What is a “Yeshivish figure”?
busty
Ginger stole the words from my mouth.
Just say “I wish I had a couple bushels of tat for her”
That’s an interesting dilemma.
If we truly want to solve the shidduch crisis that plagues our people, we must look at what singles actually WANT in a prospective spouse. Let’s be honest, everyone wants “good middos,” a girl who is “put together,” a guy who wants to “provide for the family” (okay, that one doesn’t matter to some).
There’s so much overlap, and so many people who might sound good on paper, but in reality, after learning basic facts about each other, are completely different. Why waste the time, money, and emotions on a search that could be so easily refined?
If this person wants specific physical features in the person that he wants to marry, then he should be able to filter out those who don’t meet his criteria.
The only way mentioning specific attributes would be a problem is if it somehow creates a standard, and forces girls to pay for plastic surgery to the same extent that some have issues with anorexia to meet weight criteria. To be honest, it’s not the biggest issue for many guys (as a guy myself, I have other “things” that I’m “looking for”).
Why not have more than generic resumes, more specific details that actually address needs? If, by speaking his mind, this particular person finds someone quicker than he normally would, then we’ve helped these two singles, and the possible several others that would have wasted their time, money, emotions, etc. dating them. By speeding up the process, he’d literally be helping everybody.
It’s time that the things that really matter stop being taboo, especially when it only involves a one on one conversation with a shadchan.
“I gave up massage therapy in order to pursue learning; do you think you could consider someone who might have chronic back pain?”
Perfect!
Hey, if you can insist on size 2s, why not big boobs? Though, warning, they tend to only go together in the porn world.
I never got guys in the frum world wanting size 2 wives. You’d think growing up in large families would make them like women with cushion for the pushin’.
Yochanan,
Maybe they were hoping that if they started off as size 2, they might end up size 10 after a dozen kids. Now imagine if they start as a size 14…
I’m surprised you don’t know this, but there are code words for asking these questions.
YOU: I really am interested in hearing about her yichus.
SHADCHAN: I already told you about what a fine family she comes from – related to the chofetz chayim on her mother’s side.
YOU: Yes, but does she have really big yichus? Not just big, but well rounded.
SHADCHAN: Ah… yes, well, she’s a 36D, but they are more of the torpedo shape.
If someone said “yichus”, I would think they were talking about something else which sounds much more like yichus, and can be big and well rounded.
I had a friend who used the term “Mishpacha”. He would say, “Man, I really wanna get into her Mishpacha!”
I thought it was “nice middos”?
Yeah, it depends on the community. But, middos usually means figure generally, while yichus refers to that one particular measure. The thinking being that while you can work on your “middos”, barring surgery you’re stuck with your “yichus”.
The internal logic is very well worked out.
I’m sure you’ve sometimes heard of a girl asking for a boy who is leibidick or yichusdick -those both mean the same thing.
Awesome.
Shadchans should definitely be sensitive to whatever their clients requests are, no matter how absurd they sound. After all, the clients will be spending their lives together, not the shadchan.
On the flip side, it would seem kind a strange for the shadchan to follow up with the parent’s saying: “I found this great guy, but just one question. What size cup does your daughter where?”.
What’s the difference between that and “what color hair”, “how tall”, “fat/thin”? It’s not like it’s such a secret which nobody can see. I don’t get what the big deal is; some people have different preferences and shouldn’t be judged based on that.
And what about the girl who says “If he’s got less than 20cm and can’t lick his eyebrows I’m not interested.” It’s pretty much the same thing.
If this guy is for real, he should be ashamed of himself. It’s people like him that make women so uncomfortable in their skins, that drive millions of women under the knife every year, that millions have died from eating disorders in their quest for perfection. Someone as shallow as him should learn that it’s what’s between the ears that matters, not what’s between the shoulder blades. *end feminist rant*
Talia,
Nothing wrong with the guy being honest. No need to blame him for women’s insecurities. Why should he be ashamed of his preference for big boobs any more than a girl should be if she likes tall guys?
Hit the nail right on the head.
Next time…
To Shadchun: How are his middos? Why do I ask? Oh, You should’ve SEEN my high school boyfriend’s middos! (l’havdil elef havdalos!)
… Life’s not fair, but at least my rack has served me well with bartenders, waiters and police officers.
ipity,
Nothing wrong with using your assets to your advantage 😉
Agreed.
Actually, shame lies with the orthodox world. Men are not brought up to respect women, or even to talk to them. If you want men to learn that what matters is between the ears, then let them talk to women from a young age. Don’t tell them women are for making babies, and you can’t talk to or look at them because they’ll drive you to hell, and then have them get married.
Puzzled,
Nice. Blame frum Jews for this jerk’s attitude. As if non observant or non Jews never get divorced, don’t cheat on or beat their wives.
To you, respect for women means encouraging them to talk to everyone, and for the orthodox it means the community working in a way which the women aren’t pounded by every guy who passes by.
Sometimes you can’t have everything, and you need to give up something nice in order to have something important.
“The heart hath its reasons which Reason knoweth not.”
If a guy is honestly that fixated there’s not much you can do. Paraphilias can hold a strange power over people.
There is nothing wrong with a guy asking for this, as long as it’s phrased properly.
“I want someone curvy.”
I’ve been turned down because I am flat-chasted.
My current husband refuses to be with me because I am flat-chested, and now we are getting a divorce. I asked him why he married me, and he said there was no one else.
What should I tell people when they asked why I got divorced?
Suicidal,
Maybe you should consider implants before a divorce. It’s probably a fraction of what the lawyers will charge, you gain self esteem and your husband may find new interest in you.
This is terrible advice. Please stop giving advice to anyone and keep your insensitive thoughts to yourself.
Tell them he’s a shallow, childish putz. It’s the truth.
Thanks.
He told me he would only give me the Get on condition I don’t tell anyone what happened, because he wants to get remarried.
It was very painful to be married to him, because each time he saw me undressed, he looked at me with disgust. I wanted a baby, but he couldn’t like me enough to “give” me one, and now I am grateful to Hashem that we did not have kids together.
His references said such nice things about him. They would never imagine that he could be so mean…
It’s good that you didn’t have kids with this guy, he sounds like a jerk. When he gives you the get keep it somewhere safe and find a man who’ll care about you and won’t just marry you because you’re female and have a pulse. As per getting implants, think carefully about that. IMO it could be a good thing (if that’s the only thing working against you in terms of getting married again) or a bad thing (by emphasizing your body over stuff like your personality, sense of humor, etc).
It’s not like you current husband didn’t know about this before marrying you so the fact he did so anyway tells me he’s not such an exemplary member of the male gender, you don’t play with someone’s heart like that.
Which brings up my Passover rant. The rabbis go out of their way to find some way to help people who want to keep all their bread and grain products when the Torah says not to have any. For such a noble, important reason, they’ll invent legal fictions like fake sales. On the other hand, for a minor thing like men who refuse gets, they say there’s nothing they can do.
A step further – if that’s the kind of leadership in orthodox Judaism, why stick with it? Women who are stuck in this situation should consider what it says about the rabbis.
There’s absolutely nothing you’ve said here that isn’t the truth.
There isn’t a thing here you’ve said that is the truth.
Explain to me exactly why the rabbis don’t want women to be able to get remarried.
And if you think it is some sort of man empowering chauvinistic reason, then why would they impose the same restriction on men, with the only exception that he can remarry if he convinces 100 rabbis? Why impose the restriction at all?
And why would the rabbis have said that if a man refuses to give a get, we beat him until he agrees or dies? (and if he dies, she can even marry a kohen!).
The entire problem only exists because the civil authorities won’t allow us to beat them.
Wait until you have the get. Then tell people whatever you want within your standards of lashon hora. You can be absolutely sure he’ll say all kinds of unkind things about you. You’re under no obligation to give in to extortion. And it might save some poor girl from years of misery with him
Even if you bought the biggest rack you could find off the rack it wouldn’t make a difference. If he loved you and cared about being married to you he wouldn’t act like that.
Maybe he could Jerk for the Olympics in which case the sooner you’re rid of him the better. More likely he’s gay and is just using your petite lung warts as an excuse. It wouldn’t matter if you made Dolly Parton look like Kate Moss. Better he should have remained a “confirmed bachelor” or just been honest about what he is than make both of you miserable and frustrated.
“What should I tell people when they asked why I got divorced?”
Well, he made you agree to not tell the truth.
I think you should tell people it is because he is impotent.
Dear “suicidal” please do not do yourself in over your idiot husband. Agree not to tell anyone about it and get the get so that you can move on with your life. Take good care of yourself and enjoy yourself as much as you can. As far as people asking about the divorce, if it’s general curiousity, you don’t owe them anything at all. Just say something vague like “we were incompatible”. It’s none of their business. If it’s in connection with a shidduch, say that you will tell the person yourself, and then only do so to someone who is a serious candidate for you. Even then, until you feel completely comfortable you could say, “he couldn’t give me children”, which is true in a way if he refused to sleep with you. As far as badmouthing your hopefully soon to be ex, just forget about him. What do you have to gain from that nothing? Best to move on, nourish yourself emotionally, restore your self-esteem and heal your pain, and live your life. B”D hopefully you will meet someone who will love and cherish you, for who you are. Take good care, and behatzlacha.
The worst nights for me was Mikveh night. Because my husband didn’t like my appearance, he would watch a movie after supper, as though nothing extraordinary had happened.
I am telling you this because I don’t want this to happen to anyone else. Before we got married, my husband knew that I was flat-chested, but told me it would not be a problem. After we got married, it was such a turn-off that he never wanted to be intimate.
I wish I could have known this ahead of time…
he’s either the world’s biggest asshole or he’s gay. he might be gay and be trying to cover it up. if not, he’s a complete jerk. don’t do anything for him like getting implants or any of that nonsense. you are perfect the way you are. halakah states that if your husband refuses to sleep with you, it’s grounds for divorce. get away from that creep, and also, get some self-esteem! this is his problem, not yours!
I agree. He is probably gay.
Or, it could be he is afraid of intimacy.
Probably gay.
That is ridiculous. If he was gay, he would be into men, who have even smaller breasts!!
Ben,
Not if they looked like the guy in the pic 🙂 I’m guessing he probably got bored of her and was trying to find a way to get her to leave.
Maybe he was really into cows, who have HUGE breasts.
(I would put a link, but then it needs moderation. So please go do a google image search for udders.)
If he’s gay he has to find some reason to find her undesirable. So he picks a feature where she can be deficient.
I know. I was kidding
I say he is gay and closeted. He probably married you thinking your chest would be appealingly boyish and he now realizes that he just isn’t attracted to women. And he doesn’t want people to know this, so he made up an excuse and wants your silence. Straight men would find the rest of you to be even more desirable! Hatzlacha in finding one soon after a quick gett.
While its important to look attractive to your spouse, someone who claims to love you unconditionally will think you are beautiful and won’t force you to change. Unfortunately that was not your case. I am sorry that your marriage was based on deception and lies but thankfully you will be getting out of it. I have a flat chest and I’m proud of it. Yes I sometimes wear shirts that gives people the illusion that I have a bigger chest but I would give someone a hard shtupping (not in a sexual way) if he/she dared suggest I undergo breast enhancement surgery. What ultimately matters that you think you are beautiful and not compare/contrast yourself to those super-models and porn stars with a cup D. You shouldn’t have to live with someone who will never accept you for who you are and use your chest as leverage to deny you marital intimacy.May you find someone who will supply you with unlimited love and think you are gorgeous without taking your chest size into account.
Whats wrong with women with smaller chests? I have a “smaller rack” and that doesn’t make me feel less sexy than those who wear a size D. There are plenty of hot chicks with flatter jugs ;take me for instance. I’m a tall slim redhead with a curvy figure. The only catch is that I’m married so you fellows lost out 😉
My husband didn’t marry me for my boobs.He thinks I’m drop dead gorgeous regardless of my cup size. For those who are still hellbent on dating girls with big racks , I have 2 suggestions :
1) Request to date chunkier girls (assuming that most people can’t afford to undergo breast enhancement surgery)Their jugs are usually bigger than their slimmer female counterparts.
2) Marry someone who already has a full set and knock her up asap. A woman’s chest size tends to increase during and after childbirth.In all honesty, do you still want to fondle with something that
is now considered feeding material for your baby?
You answered your own question. Your husband likes your figure, he is attracted to you. Other men will have other preferences.
As for me I’m all about quality over quantity, I hold with the champagne glass rule.
Suicidal,
Wow, you really did have a f*cked up marriage, you’re lucky to be getting divorced and even luckier that you don’t any kids from him. I can’t imagine anyone being that idiotic.
In your shoes, i’d get a boob job (make them real big), surprise him by lifting your shirt and then leave him 😉
Only if he paid for them. And only if she wants them anyway.
Take it from me, a BT who was a player, an amateur gynecologist, and aficionado of fake and real breasts, before the derech…
You want smaller breasted women in the long term, trust me. Bigguns are fun, great Brunski material when the gals are young, but after childbirth and/or middle age, the large breasts become nasty, flabby, stretched pancakes more useful as blankets than pillows.
I’ve played with big and small breasts, young and old. As a young OTD stud, I loved gigantic hooters. But no longer. As an older bachelor, I’ve always preferred a grandmother with small breasts over mothers and single gals with large breasts. Best sex I’ve had has always been with small breasted women.
If you want to remain attracted to your wife late in life, then marry a small breasted woman.
the truth is that they are all into hair color and height and weight, y is it so crazy that they ask about breast size? its so funny my lil sister is in the shidduch scene now some of the things ppl say. tons of guys refuse to go out with her cuz of me (having a sister whos not religious)
but overall still one of the funniest posts ever
Just to clarify for those who don’t want to get mixed up:
Asking about her middos mean her figure generally.
Asking about her yichus means bosom.
Reason for the distinction: you can always work on your middos, but you’re stuck with your yichus.
For girls asking about a guy they can usually just ask if he is fat and ugly. The Shadchan will always lie about it but they can ask anyway. If they want more intimate information they usually ask a former roommate if he is a leibidick guy.
Like the line from Seinfeld after his girlfriend walked out on him… ” yes, they’re real …and they’re spectacular” 🙂
Or this Chappelle show clip:
comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?title=its-a-wonderful-chest&videoId=210278
My favourite part of the post are the comments from people who got offended. I take joy in the outrage that originates from comedy. Oh… and something else regarding the author of the letter. That is all.
I agree with others, given the other demands men are getting away with making, why the F CANT a guy ask for big knockers.
Seriously, just say, “some meat on her bones but not too much, say size 8 to 14.” Women in that range shouldn’t be flat and they aren’t quite obese.
If you want big racks then date big girls.
You can’t expect a girl to have a full set of jugs
if she is a size 2 or less.
Besides, would you honestly fathom the concept of
fantasizing over something that’s eventually
going to be used as a feeding apparatus
to your kids? Just a thought……….
And how is it any different from the case of women who only want tall men, ignoring great guys who are short?
a chesty esti deserves a hung low shlomo
love it.
Chassids are not tznius. Okay? Deal with it.
Are there any chassidish girls here that would be interested in going out with a modern guy? I want to set my friend up and he really wants to go out with a chasidisshe girl…
It kind of scares me that no one sees the basic flaw in all this: NEITHER MEN NOR WOMEN SHOULD ASK SHADCHANIM ABOUT POSSIBLE DATES’ BODY TYPES!!! Hashem made us all b’tzelem elokim. We’re all beautiful, whether we’re an A cup or F cup, size 00 or size 30. (I don’t know how men’s sizing works, but that too.) It’s ridiculous and offensive for anyone to say “I’ll only go out with someone who looks like xxx,” because it shows such a shallowness. I know someone who a guy the shadchan wanted her to meet with refused to go out with her until he saw a picture, and she said no, since her attitude was that if that’s all he cares about, he’s not the kind of guy for her.
Talia,
Sounds really hippyish to me. It’s perfectly normal for people to want to date people they are physically attracted to. I wouldn’t blame any guy or girl refusing to date anyone they found physically repulsive.
Physical intimacy is a big part of marriage, and one MUST find their spouse attractive if they plan on marrying them.
I’m not saying everyone needs to be a prefect 10, but let’s be realistic.
Your are either a troll or are very innocent. Or maybe bitter?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201010/the-truth-about-beauty
Hippyish, yes, upon reading it again borderline socialist (and coming from a conservative), but still true. Yes, if a person is physically repulsive that wouldn’t make for a good marriage, but we should be teaching our children not to look at anyone as physically repulsive, that there is no right or wrong way to look. We’re all beautiful because we were all made b’tzelem elokim, so there’s no reason to be unattracted to someone. (Maybe less attracted, but not “oh I won’t date her because she’s less than a D cup because that repulses me.”)
I have always found girls with smaller breasts are way more attractive. I have no interest in huge bursting chests. I think only guys who have not had any play could ever want only large breasts.
Women with small breasts get my attention.
In any case, its all good. There is so much a guy can do to have a good time with their wife. Suicidals husband comes off as a golem. No imagination. A dud.
There is also more to it. A guy can be turned on by any gal. A gal can take charge, and by the way she moves herself around be his biggest throb.
Work everything youve got. If he balks, put your magic on. He’ll come back for more. Visual is not everything. The hand is quicker than the eye. The gal can move and the illusion can be etheral.