The other night, my facebook status read as follows: May actually do a Ta’anis Dibbur this year because shul for me is one long running commentary on how much this sucks. Of course, someone had to get offended and claim that I was just trying to piss people off – which I most definitely wasn’t. The status was more of a cry for help this sucks – “how do you deal with the sffliction of a long drawn out service that doesn’t really affect you at all?” After the woman told us she was offended there were actually some very nice and thoughtful comments concerning the practice of Ta’anis Dibbur – which is when one takes it upon themselves to refrain from talking the entire Yom Kippur. This means that I won’t be rambling on about how crappy the chazzan is, talking loshon horah about the Rabbis shoe of choice and having the all too present sex talk that men can’t seem to let go of – even for the holiest day of the year.
This was my original comment in response to the woman claiming I was merely making such a status to piss people off:
The point of saying the truth is so others can find solace in the fact that plenty of others suffer through shul and also debate about the same things I debate about – do you really think I sit around trying to think how to offend people. It;s not my fault that most frum Jews have the sense of humor of a 5 year old – but this statement wasn’t meant to be offensive or funny, the problem is that most people never want to admit the truth to themselves and I think of all times the ten days of reopentence are for the truth and the truth is that most people would probably rather be at work then at shul, but most will keep their thoughts to themselves for fear of no one else felling the way they do and this was actually more like kiruv in a sense to bring comradere to those who get nothing out of high holiday services.
Two other thought provoking responses:
I think a taanit dibur is a great idea– turns the day into a meditation. Heshy it probably will give you insight not just into how much jews talk nervously rather than accept silence, but how much Jews talk to god constantly rather than listen. Look how many words in the machzor!
Hey Heshy, it doesn’t make someone a blasphemer if someone would rather be at work than in shul. The truth is that it is not the religion that you are criticizing here. It is the length and monotony of the services. And God/Hashem never, ever said to sit in shul from 8 to 3 on Yom Kippur. He also never ever said that you have to read long poems written hundreds of years ago that are difficult to fathom and understand today and whose relevance is frankly questionable todays. Hashem did say to afflict oneself. That concept is open to interpretation. Although the term is most often used in the connotation of fasting. Nothing there about sitting for nine hours. If it pleases you to sit in shul for nine hours than by all means do so. If you would rather sit for four or five hours sit for four or five hours. But the point of the day is to have some kind of afflication and contemplation. I think that a ta’anit dibbur is a wonderful way to keep Yom Kippur according to its true spirit. It’s certainly better than yakking away in shul for several hours while pretending to have a spiritual experience. Here is the quote from the Torah about Yom Kippur: editors notes – he never put the quote...
Find out more about ta’anis dibbur on 4torah.com
I said it on Facebook, and I will say it again here. You really ought to come to my synagogue on Yom Kippur morning, and I will show you a service which is deep and meaningful rather than long and boring.
I don’t understand why anyone would be willing to remain a member of a synagogue that is not meeting their spiritual needs.
where’s your shul? Not in San Francisco area is it?
San Rafael, Marin County CA.
No can do, but it’s nice to know I have some readers in Marin – I;m there a couple times a week to mountain bike
Its not just frum jews that have a sense of humor like 5 year olds. Its kind of like any quasi observant jew that isn’t a typical stereotype of a bt / ger. Being one myself I can say that it is really rare when I connect humor/ outlook wise withsomeone who isn’t a Bt/ ger.
When I say stereotype I am referring to the stereotype of BTs having sex, drinking, drugs and partying before they became religious.
In some ways, I think this would be more of a challenge. I mean, my friends and family, we all go to schul, and talk about how hungry we are, and how we shouldn’t be thinking about how hungry we are, so then we talk about anything to take our minds off of it.
To decide that you are going to really be mindful of your words, particularly when you are the ONLY ONE doing it… I see that more as a challenge. But then again, when I was little we were always taught that shabbat is more than lighting candles; we were expected to contemplate our week, and how we can be better Jews, and better people, going forward. Yeah… kinda hippy when I look back on it! 🙂
I have done it in the past and i plan on doing it this year as well. It really is a great experience. The day is so much more meaningful when your not complaining about how hungry you are. All your words are focused on prayer and holiness and that happens so rarely. Its a great opportunity to use our mouths only in kedusha.
It is a nice idea for those who are single. But if married – and especially with kids – it is unworkable.
But what do I know? I am, for the first time in my life, actually looking forward to Yom Kippur!
So the latest John Grisham novel with an Artscroll sleeve of some very serious Yom Kippur subject is wrong? I figured Memphis lawyer fighting for the wrongly accused is the perfect Yom Kippur analogy.
Oy.
Al Chait…
Heshy, if the davening is long and boring then you’re in the wrong shul. I’ve been to many types of shuls over the years (depending on where I lived and some other factors as well) and I’ve had boring yom kippurs that I couldn’t wait till it was over, and really uplifting ones where I enjoyed every minute. The best shul for Yom Kippur is a sephardic shul, first of all there is (usually) less talking and second of all the davening is absolutely beautiful. They sing almost the entire davening together (almost no listening to a chazan drone on) and the tunes fit the words and give a feeling to each tefilah. This year I am very much looking forward to Yom Kippur in shul. I don’t know about the Bay area, but there are a few great sephardic shuls in LA, I’m sure someone would be thrilled to host you if you want to try it out.
About the taanis dibbur, I’ve done it, many times, it really is amazing, but can also be difficult. It’s worth a try. I cannot do it these days, married with little kids…. (being rude is never a mitzvah!)
In addition, the Sefardi food provided at the end of the fast is Wayyyyyyy better 😉