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G-Damnit, Cut It Out

By The Mrs. ·

Since we got married, I’ve been trying to learn the married Jewish lady dance on Facebook. You know, learning to ‘like’ the most inane status messages about what the other women have to do that day (so get off of the computer and do it, shit!) and the ubiquitous lists of what they’re serving for shabbos (honey, you made chicken, kugel, and broccoli salad last shabbos, what makes you think I need to read that again?). The thing I can’t get into is commenting on baby pictures about how “yummy” or “squish” they are. What downright irks me, though, is the use of “OMG!” everywhere.

I’m very careful to use “omgosh” at most. Frankly, I can’t imagine why anyone would need to call upon the Almighty just because your cousin-thrice-removed posted a picture of her 12th kid with a bow Velcro’ed onto her head, and I couldn’t care less how good your pasta turned out at Café Venezia last night. Why bother the creator with such things?

Picture it: there’s genocide, starvation, war, and sex crimes going on the world over, but these ladies (it’s never men) can’t seem to stop themselves from drawing His attention to the fact that they really really like how their sem friend’s hair came out for her vort. Granted, yes, it did look fabulous, but do you really think it’s wise to divert His attention from the horrors of the world just so He can look down and say “yeah, she’s right, that’s a tight-lookin’ updo she’s got going on there”? Do you think He’ll ‘share’ the picture with his melachim friends? And if it is so important, do The Guy the courtesy of spelling it out, not reducing it to three letters as if you don’t have the time.

So settle down, girls. As awesome as you think your niece’s flowers came out at her wedding, think of the real issues of the world, and think of how much attention you’re detracting from my fantastic challah pictures. For G-d’s sake, please.

The FrumSatire Archive FacebookOMG

Letters to the Editor 23 letters since 2013

  1. Actually, I want to have G-d as involved as possible in my life: yes, even the most trivial things! It is a sign of a close relationship when people share everything. And it means that I know and welcome G-d in every single aspect of my existence.

    On the other hand, you are of course correct that OMG is essentially a verbal tick, which is both annoying, low class, and kinda blasphemous.

    Reply

  2. Om_ Enough with the hottie chasid or leb girls posts !! And oh yeah,not to mention jerking off to shidduchim pictures!! That was the appropritate usage of the term!

    Reply

  7. Your rants were better before you married. It’s kind of hard to rant about something you knew about before you got married and still went ahead with it. We single guys just can’t take your rant seriously.

    Reply

        1. Or the fact that it was authored by “The Mrs.”

          You’d think even an obtuse person would notice the paucity of spelling erors.

          Reply

  8. I’m confused. How do you know “OMG” doesn’t stand for “Oh My Gosh” (unless it’s spelled out and not abbreviated)?

    Reply

  9. Unfortunately, Facebook encourages inanity. That’s the problem when you have 265 “friends” you barely know. What are you going to get into? “Reading Les Mis, can’t believe how many pages Hugo devoted to the Bishop?” Your bedroom life? The issues that are making you miserable? I sound like a bit of a boring dope on Facebook, because I save the juicy stuff for my blog! (And I don’t link my blog to my Facebook page. My views are borderline evil.)

    Reply

    1. I have over 1200 friends and my posts are not boring… Has nothing to do with how many real friends you have, it has to do with how interesting your posts are. Stop saving the juicy stuff for your blog!

      Reply

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