Frumster was the inventor of categorizing different frumkeit levels, they came up with the idea that every person within the frum community could categorize their hashkafos with a little drop down menu. Apparently telling someone that you are modern orthodox machmir or shomer mitzvos is not enough anymore.
So I found a site called Frum Here (already gone)- which I signed up for. Besides for the fact that within my first hour of membership I received one of those messages from someone trying to sell me prepubescent Taiwanese boy pornography- I noticed that they have gone way beyond what Frumster has done- in terms of categorizing. Instead of just rounding your hashkafos to the nearest category, they have a drop down menu for all the different types of davening schedules, you can choose any level from daily with a minyan to once every yovel, it was funny, and quite alarming that instead of letting people fill out what hashfafa they fit, they have to have this drop down menu. Furthermore, it’s a freaking social networking site- its not a yenta shadchun from Brooklyn.
As of yet I have received friend requests and messages from people seeking to sell me pornographic services- so I cannot tell if the site is a joke, or is just a hack.
These different dropdown menus could be used in order to generalize Jews into different categories.
What is your davening schedule?
1) Three times daily with a minyan, during the z’man, with daf yomi
2) Three times daily with a minyan at the proper z’man
3) Three times daily with a minyan
4) Three times time with a minyan factory-for instance Viznitz in Monsey or Landuas in Brooklyn
5) Three times daily with sporadic minyan attendance
6) Three times daily with shabbos minyan attendance
7) Three times daily without a minyan
Three times daily but you miss mincha frequently
9) Only shachris with tefilin
10) I put on tefilin and say some stuff
11) If I wake up in time
12) It depends on my mood
13) It depends how hung over I am
14) Only Shabbos
15) I tell my father I put on tefilin that day
16) What the heck is davening?
If you answered yes to davening shachris- how much of it do you daven?
1) All of it, including the Wednesday yom, all that stuff between the brachos and boruch sheomar, uva letzyon, and all the lengthy inserts such as leduvid and burchi nafshi
2) Almost all of it but I skip the stuff between brachos and boruch sheomar
3) I say all the major stuff- but I skip tachnun on Monday and Thursday, uva letzyon, the Wednesday yom, uz yusheer, etc…
4) I say the important stuff- that most 8th graders are told to say, brachos, ashrei, yishtabach shema- shmona esray
5) I say brachos, shema and shmona esray
6) I say shema and shmona esray
7) I say shema or shmona esray
I put on my tefilin and say the first paragraph of shema
9) I have no idea how to daven
What is you Kasharus Level?
1) I keep 100% kosher, I am bodek (check for bugs- with a light box) my fruit and veggies, I check with the store manager when I am not sure, I always ask to see the kosher certificate, I keep glatt, chasidishe schita, yoshon, pas yisroel and cholov yisroel- I do not hold of the OU and other major modern orthodox kasharus organizations.
2) I keep the same as above but I will eat some OU products
3) I keep almost the same as #1 but I am lax on pas yisroel and yoshon and I eat OU
4) I keep almost the same as #1 but I am lax on cholov yisroel outside my house
5) I keep 100% kosher and am bodek my veggies without the use of a light box, I hold of the OU and do not keep cholov yisroel- I frequently argue with my yeshiva friends about this and am constantly quoting Rav Moshes tshuva- while they say Rav Dovid doesn’t hold of his father.
6) I keep 100% kosher- but when I am in places Starbucks I never ask if things are kosher, I just assume things regularly. I sometimes find myself eating in places just because I hold of the yarmulke effect (someone inside with a yarmulke guarantees its kosher)
7) I keep 100% kosher in the house, I do not check my veggies for bugs very thoroughly and I eat shady hechsherim like triangle-K, torchlight –K and Ko. I will eat in a vegan or vegetarian restaurant open on shabbos as long as I see yarmulkes going in and out.
I keep a 100% kosher home- but when I go on vacation and there is nothing to eat- I will have a salad or a tuna sandwich.
9) I keep kosher- but I think the industry is a racket and I do my own thing, vegan products without hechsherim, non-kosher wine- because who the heck is worshipping idols anyway? I will also eat friends houses if they use plastic and tell me that everything is kosher.
10) I keep a kosher home but eat milchigs out
11) I keep a semi kosher home- but some things lack a hechsher like lemonade and salsa, I eat milchigs, salads and sushi out.
12) I keep a kosher home- but am flexidox when it comes to eating out
13) I keep kosher conservative home- meaning you eat Hebrew national and tend to patronize those kosher style delis like Katz’s and second avenue.
What level of shabbos observance do you keep?
1) Not only do I keeo shabbos 100% I try and encourage others to keep shabbos by setting aside rocks to throw at their cars if they drive in my neighborhood- I find that this shows them the beauty of religion.
2) I keep shabbos 100% including all the obscure halachos that might be modern day inventions- such as cutting letters, and not playing ball, I don’t even walk on grass and am debating whether my family should stop using the toilet or not.
3) I keep shabbos 100% to the best of my abilities- but have you ever seen the size of the Ribiat 39 Melochos book- its enormous.
4) I keep shabbos- but I am likely to play ball and be a little lax in things like borer.
5) I keep shabbos- but like to take long walks out of the techum and enjoy a good game of shabbos afternoon basketball.
6) I tend to carry my keys and other essentials in a non-halachic way- so I am probably over the issur of carrying
7) I tend to come home after shkia from work on Friday- but I act as if I still have time to cook and shower.
If my alarm goes off on shabbos morning- I hit it off (with a shinuy of course)
9) I utilize shinuys for things like the air conditioner to make shabbos more enjoyable
10) I keep shabbos 100% but my roommates watch movies and I will join in
11) I am flexidox- so it depends what mood I’m in, sometimes I am 100% shomer shabbos and sometimes I will go see a movie- but I try to make a friend drive me
12) I keep shabbos, by not using electric, driving or buying things- everything else is fine
13) You drive to shul on shabbos- but in all other ways you are fine
14) What is shabbos?
How do you observe the laws of yichud and negia?
1) You observe the laws 100% and have lobbied for legislation to ban women from public areas so you should not come to sin. You also participate in bleaching women as well.
2) You observe the laws 100% without a question
3) You try and observe the laws 100% but if you wind up in an elevator with a women- you do not get out.
4) You keep the laws 100% but in certain yichud situations you are lax and you tend to brush up against women by accident while in very crowded places like subways (if your really frum you would take a car service)
5) You shake hands with women- but everything else is kosher.
6) You really don’t think most yichud situations are bad and you don’t jump away from women. You are also open minded to people who may not know the laws and are willing to shake hands or hug your in-laws for instance.
7) You are shomer- but you do not keep yichud
You are shomer until you get engaged
9) You are shomer until relationship
10) You are shomer n’fooling around- you will cuddle- but no kissing is involved
11) You are shomer by default- don’t want to be but you are
12) You keep fictional negia- everyone thinks you keep it
13) You keep semi-fictional negia- your parents and Rabbis think its kept but your friends know the truth
14) It is common knowledge that you do not keep negia or yichud laws.
15) You say that there is no such thing as shomer negia and it is a simply a made up term with no source
16) You have no idea what I am talking about
For men you cover your head with?
1) Streimel
2) Flat beaver hat
3) Full sized beaver hat
4) Bend down hat
5) I wear a hat on shabbos, dates and at simchas
6) I wear a 6 piece shiny black velvet yarmulke with a rim
7) I wear a 4 piece shiny black velvet with a rim
I wear a 6 piece regular velvet without a rim
9) I wear a 4 piece regular black velvet without a rim
10) On summer vacations I wear a baseball hat- but you can tell I am in kollel anyway
11) I wear a yarmulke made of black cloth
12) I wear a small black velvet yarmulke
13) I wear a small black velvet yarmulke with bobby pins
14) I wear a colored velvet yarmulke- Lubavitchers tend to do this (red, navy and brown)
15) I wear a black or blue suede yarmulke
16) I wear a different dark colored suede yarmulke
17) I wear a knit yarmulke
18) I wear a huge Israeli/Carlebachian style yarmulke
19) I got my yarmulke for free at the back of a shul and its so bright I use it while hunting
20) I wear a yarmulke when someone tells me to
21) The only time I ever wore one was at the Kotel
22) I refuse to wear one
23) What’s a yarmulke?
Ladies what sort of head covering do you use- or plan to use?
1) Shpitzle
2) Pill box
3) Plastic hair sheitle
4) Scarves
5) Human hair sheitle- but not so fancy- so it still looks like a dead animal
6) Human hair sheitle that makes me look better then anyone I know
7) Fall
No particular kind and my bangs and lady peyos tend to show sometimes
9) I wear lampshade hats on shabbos- but the rest of the week I do half coverings
10) I cover my hair when I need to, like at simchas, shul or when I am going to be embarrassed
11) I wear hats that cover some of my hair to shul on shabbos and holidays
12) I cover my hair around my ultra orthodox parents
13) I grab one of those doilies in the front of shul
14) I wear a yarmulke
15) I never cover my hair
What do you think about the state of Israel?
1) I am a member of the Niturei Karta
2) I am a secret member of the Niturei Karta
3) I do not support the secular state of Israel- but I am saddened by the death of Jews
4) I think that people should move to Israel- but shouldn’t have to join the army
5) I prefer that kids learn but have no problem with them joining the army
6) I support Israel- but would not be considered a Zionist
7) I support Israel, say hallel on yom haatzmaut and march in the Israeli day parade
I can several phrases in Hebrew
9) I went on Birthright
10) Do you mean Palestine
What type of music do you listen to?
1) I will not listen to music until Moshiach comes
2) Only heimishe instrumental music
3) Only Yiddish music
4) Only heimishe Jewish music- none of that Chevra stuff
5) Frum Jewish music- not including the rocky stuff
6) Frum Jewish music including bands like Blue Fringe and Moshav
7) Jewish music including bands like Matisyahu and Soulfarm
Jewish music including any Jewish artist- from Bernstein to Dylan
9) The only secular music I listen to is Yanni and classical
10) I listen to instrumental secular music
11) I listen to clean secular music, no kol isha
12) I listen to oldies and other types of mostly clean music
13) I listen to all types of music including Jewish
14) I listen to all music except Jewish
15) I’m a big fan of NWA and Two Live Crew
Of course someone needs to figure out the scoring as I am mathematically challenged – like if you scored above 100 you aren’t frum and below a 25 you are frum enough to set peoples houses on fire if they aren’t as frum as you.
about the music question you forgot #16:
16) I only listen to Y-Love and Shemspeed artists 🙂
I might be the only one here who that actually applies to.
PS Come to Richmond!
No No – it applied to me as well! Come to Philly!!
38
Based on this, I am a crypto modox with conservative leaning and a penchant against establishment. Or, you know, just a Jew.
You forgot another kashrut level – “Baltimore Kosher” – Strictly kosher at home, but will eat crabcakes and steamed crabs out
103. i’ve just started converting. i think the highest you can possibly get is 116, but even then you would still be a conservative.
Forgot to add the irony of “Baltimore Kosher” – Old Bay seasoning from McCorkmick spice company, which is mainly used on Maryland steamed crabs, has a hechser, last time I looked
Crazier is Utz chips with their Crab flavored potato chip – Kuf K.
I use Old Bay to make the Red Lobster biscuits that I miss so dearly.
Sadly, the frum guys in B more talking about getting crabs downtown do not mean the kind with old bay on them….
And it is strange that it is kosher…
Sadly, the frum guys in B more talking about getting crabs downtown do not mean the kind with old bay on them….
And it is strange that it is kosher…
57
46 what’s that 3x davening sporadic minyan attendance chlov Stam might eat Hebrew national on the road though hat on shabbos and simchos would shake hands with women for business ribiats book is too long and listen to all kinds of music ranging from korn to mbd
80, this is a great idea!
A sweet, clean 50. Music and yarlmuke choice pushed me way up there, other than that I’m dangerously close to full frum status.
“All of it, including the Wednesday yom”
lol
98
that yarmulke score killed me hesh
43 lol
63! woohoooooooo! I feel pretty average.
wow what a zinger you ended with… ouch!
53. I should probably start throwing stones, though
😛
83
right on.
Funny thing about the ball-playing-on-Shabbos item: I’ve noticed that, far from being among the thousands of new prohibitions & chumras & hashkafos—ball-playing actually belongs in the odd, largely unnoticed little sub-category where today’s RW/orthos (largely a litvish based formulation, even if their grandparents were chasidish) are LESS strict & uptight than a generation or two ago, when anything not “shabbosdik” was out. I see countless kids w/yeshivish parents playing ball in their yards, whereas when I was a kid, only kids with “modern” proclivities played ball.
Ditto “hairstyles” on boys (“chups”)—in the 70’s, that was the major bone of contention in countless families: a young man grew out his dorky frum-crewcut in front, and the parents tore their own hair out in dismay. Nowadays, I think they’re all grateful if the kid didn’t get a tattoo or nipple piercing; no one’s hocking about hair length except real old-school chasidim, who still give their kids #1 or 2 baldies until age 15, when the chup starts to appear, and the curly payos evolve into very discreet behind-the-ear payos
69. Though I think I get extra points ’cause I’m a girl and I wear tefillin for Shacharit.
+1
95, which doesn’t seem bad considering I don’t keep Shabbos at all.
At most 84.
Believe it or not, there are even more wacky nuances that one could invent such as-
subtract X points if you do some afternoon or evening prayers even if you don’t daven a full mincha or maariv.
If you just say Shema and Amidah but not the early brachot, subtract X points for every major prayer besides Shema and Amidah (e.g. Aleinu, Tachanun, Baruch Sheemar)
subtract X points if you wear a yarmulke while saying blessings and/or in kosher restaurants
Scored 10.
I love the smell of burning chassid in the morning
dude, no way, you’ve got to be joking— the lowest you can score is like 8.
Heshy, as always, you are a gaon. 🙂
One of my sons is a religious (excuse the pun) follower of your blog and sends me your best ramblings. They invariably inspire.
keep on blogging
It’s just a joke there, those questions, a parody, bunch of stoners.
I did something like this a few yrs ago but it is less targeted towards frum Jews:
http://conservadox.tripod.com/index.blog/1854874/jew-quiz-2-practice/
80
Oh wow, according to this I’m more frum than I thought!
You should have inlcuded option 17b, “I cover my hair with a cap or similar”.
45
I got a 50- the music question killed me
also I didnt know how to answer the yarmulke ? because i wear all kinds of them Felt velvet sruga and suede
Incredible, but not surprising, that in “calculating levels of Jewish observance” there is not a single question about honesty in business, treating workers well, tzedakah, caring for society’s neediest, general honesty, avoidance of lashon harah. . . In another thread people had a great time ridiculing Reform for ignoring ritual practice and observing instead only “tikkun olam.” Ok, but mightn’t it be more productive to focus inwardly than outwardly on the perceived flaws of “others?” If “tikkun olam” isn’t everything, neither is ritual. A person could get a perfect score on this “test of Jewish observance” and be a filandering, lying, miserly, gossiping, cheating bastard as long as he doesn’t turn the lights on on Shabbat.
um you are aware that this isnt real right? Its not written by the aguda to see how frum you are. It is a joke. Nobody thinks getting a “perfect score” on this makes you frummer. (It would make you a niturei karta stone and bleach throwing nut, who most jews would consider LESS frum) Reread it if you have too, it isnt real.
If they’re shomer negiah it would be pretty difficult for them to be philandering. But as for the rest of the point you make, yes, it’s very unfortunate that there are people who act in that manner.
Yeah–I do see it’s a joke. I think mine was a comment looking for a context. That said, even as a joke, I think there is something to my comment. Afterall, there is plenty of room for a satiric question about one’s “level of lashon harah observance” and it could well be hilarious, but no one would even think of it because we so often only think of observance in terms of ritual stuff. It’s an omission and one I believe we should be consciously trying to correct. It’s a joke, but as such it’s a window into what we think of when we think of “observance.”
Scored 31.
It’s the fact I secretly only listen to secular music. Remove those 16 points, and I had a score of 15.
So I guess I’ll burn down your house while secretly listening to Elliott Smith.
70.
I got owned by the music section and negiah/yichud…
78.
whats borer?
what’s the whole issue around playing basketball on shabbos?
Borer is one of the 39 categories of forbidden “work” on shabbat. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activities_prohibited_on_Shabbat#Sorting.2FPurification
Basketball outside an eruv poses a problem of carrying (of course “carrying” is “assur” in basketball anyway, but that’s different). Indoors or inside an eruv it is fine notwithstanding some modern day chumra meshugas.
For those of us who only eat parve, every shehita every halav Yisrael product is not allowed.
I know this is accurate because my Conservative shul really does give us Hebrew National and Katz’s food.
83 and a half… The half is because I averaged my answers to the hair covering question (I wear a kippah now, but I think that when I get married I’ll wear a hat to shul).
There definitely should’ve been a tzniut question.
Wait, I think I just gained some points from saying “tzniut” instead of “tznius.”
Oh, and there definitely also should’ve been a question about whether you say “pizza store” or something else (parlor, place, restaurant, shop, etc).
I scored a 44. I don’t daven all that regularly (I’m raising small children, and there’s nothing less conducive to davening than your kids fighting over a toy during shemona esrei), and I listen to decent secualr music with Jewish music thrown in. Otherwise, I averaged about a 4-5 for each question.)