You’re a holy yeshiva bochur, you’ve gone 3 days without seeing a woman, now you have to go to CVS for some narishkeiten, what do you do?
The life of a yeshiva bochur revolves around controlling thoughts that lead to illegal erections. A quality yeshiva bochur will do everything he can to not see or think of any woman so that his out of control hormones don’t do what they’re designed to do and beg for release after his roommates have fallen asleep. He will stay within the holy walls of the yeshiva building or campus for as long as he can hold out without going postal, whenever he thinks of a woman he’ll start to furiously scratch his non-existent beard, shuckle like the late Mirer rosh yeshiva on a bad day and scream out some words of gemarah in an effort to convince both himself his chavrusah that he’s truly a yorei shomayim, and of course to banish the seductress, or his sister, from his mind.
So there I was, walking to CVS for some much needed narishkeiten like soap or toothpaste or something when a woman hails me from the entrance to an apartment building. “Sir, can you help me?”
Panic stricken, I quickly cast about for an escape, can I pretend I didn’t hear her? Too late! I already looked her way. I look around some more believing that there will definitely be some goy handy who’ll be more than happy to take my place, but hashem, in his infinite wisdom, had decreed otherwise and there was no goyish rescuer. I took a second look and saw that she was standing there with a bed frame which she was trying to get into the building.
Resigning myself to two weeks of accompaniment to my onanism practices, I went over and helped her get the bed frame through the door and up the elevator.
Now obviously I wasn’t a good yeshiva bochur, the quality bochur would have ignored her and walked faster until he was out of earshot and the chilul hashem was complete.
P.S. that encounter, and especially the fact that it was bed frame that she needed help with, provided more than two weeks’ worth of accompaniment.
Comment
Poor little yeshivah boy. Now that he has helped her carry a bed frame, he’s now in “shiksa mode.” Now his sole purpose in life is to lay with a shiksa and produce non-Jewish offspring. If only he never helped the goy… he needs to do t’shuvah asap for the sins he will probably now commit.
“Panic stricken, I quickly cast about for an escape, can I pretend I didn’t
“hear her”
Aha! You were aroused!
Great post Hesh!
Just one quibble, “shuckle like the late Mirer rosh yeshiva”, making fun of a man who suffered for years from Parkinson’s is no joke.
I know, it should have said Michael J Fox.
Great name BTW.
I didn’t write it – Shragi Getzel wrote it
That’s right! We all know that kol isha can lead to mixed dancing ch”v.
.. and other issurim c’v.
Right, chalila v’chas!
You don’t know what you’re talking about. The boys go into the freezer for 4 months, and their baby machine freezes. Then they learn Torah in pure holiness, while they make lists of the 10 richest girls. All the other girls can sit and rot. Then when they get out of the freezer (After 4 months of dirty movies) they won’t even touch a girl unless she has a 100,000 dollar ‘cushion’ in the bank.
Heshi, line about the mirrer Rosh not cool. Pls change it.
“Heshi” didn’t write it, pay attention.
The people who complain, and who don’t pay attention to to spelling and grammar, never subscribe to comments.
Ok, so change it Shragi.
You’re right, I really should. It’s offensive and and not even funny.
The other line that’s not cool is the one about the sister. Ugh, so crass.
Calm your tits. It’s satire for a reason. You frumaks need to quit getting offended at every little thing. Political Correctness can kiss my bum!
“Calm your tits.” Lol. That’s a new one for me.
Do you know how to do it, or do you need instructions?
“illegal erections”
Lmao. I’m sorry I didn’t read the rest.
You you need a planning permit for an illegal erection?
Since when do the fruma bother with building permits?
No, but you do need reshus from your rosheshiva.
I haven’t seen too much of these frumsatire things but every one i have seen over the years consists of complete apikorsis. Just because you hate yiddishkeit doesn’t mean you understand it. There is so much depth and beauty to everything in yiddisheit and just because you are not knowledgeable does not mean that you can make a mockery of it.
Your Frum Satire icon is also Treif…how fitting
Boruch Schwartzenagger, anyone who’s name virtually Blesses one of the most unaccomplished unfaithful Governors in the State of California should be forced to sit Teshuvah for calling someone “not knowledgeable” on a SATIRE website. Clearly you are right in saying that Yiddishkeit is beautiful. There is beauty also in our ability to laugh at ourselves whether we are Frum or Secular, ignorant or splendidly connected to Torah.
“It is in our lives and not our words that our religion must be read.” Thomas Jefferson
oh my I used to take walks in yeshivah and made sure it should be the time when the girls get dismissed so I can pass them by lol