My friend called me up and pointed me to Chaptzem Blog– for what I am about to tell you.
I have been wondering when the fine folks from Charedi sects would come up with another ridiculous ban or chumra. I wait patiently every day for another concert ban or takana about washing your vegetables, but unfortunately there has been a drought recently, most probably due to the Lipa-Gate backlash. Well folks, thanks to someone from a Charedi community near you- cookies named after womens body parts have now gone through a name change.
The popular pesach cookie- Lady Fingers have recently undergone a name change and became Baby Fingers. According to many folks within the ultra orthodox community, referring to women’s body parts in such an open manner- outside of the mikvah or the Planned Parenthood office is assur. Hence the name change. Wikipedia article.
First of all, it is common practice for women to suck the gefilte fish jelly off their fingers while at kiddush- to get the attention of the men away from the cholent- so they may get some (no pun intended). Baby fingers however, are just gross, who the heck wants to eat a baby finger. After all babies never wash their hands, and are constantly eating their bugers.
I have heard several reports that the fine folks at the Chumra Research Institute- or CRI(look for a post this week detailing their activities) is going to be undergoing a massive food chumra operation- including the banning of all foods with women featured on the packaging, ande a posible banning of all products with Goyishe Names- such as Betty Crocker, Aunt Jamima and Sara Lee.
Certain foods may also be banned due to their shapes. Rabbi Frummerthenyou is quoted as saying “I have no idea how we can allow our benei and bas yisreols to continue to eat Hot Dogs, Creamsicles and Carrot Sticks- it is completely untznius”. I have also heard that foods like ice cream cones will have to eaten rather then licked. And that Hot Dogs will have to be eaten cut up to prevent any impure thoughts amongst men and women.
Childish Behavior has a great article about the lady fingers debacle.
Here is a list of foods being considered for chumra additions or complete banning:
Hot Dogs
Carrots
Celery Sticks
Bananas
Ice Cream on a cone or a stick
Lolly Pops (a conspiracy against the all powerful shul candy man)
Whip cream
Coconuts
Grapefruits
Melons
Strawberries (the almost succeeded a while back- but lost in the face of vegetable wash (the Lady Fingers fiasco- brings the case up again)
hahahahahaha
CRI… 🙂
O well, no more chicken breast?! How are we supposed to eat chicken soup? And what about jelly do-nuts? Aaaah! All is lost!!
that god all the orthodox pedophiles can breath easy
OMG!
I didn’t even notice until I read this post! The box is right in front of me and yes, it says Baby Fingers!
So are erotic birthday cakes now assur too?! No!!!
i think we should ban stupid chumras.
You’re about 2 years late reporting this chumrah-ban.
!!!! hahahaha!! the sarcasm is so thick and gooey that my monitor is permanently destroyed. also i copy-pasted this post in an email to my chabad rabbi. i’ll let you know how he likes it.
awesome! you forgot matzoh balls. :zoinks: And kreplach, ’cause it’s a funny-sounding word, beavis.
The Oberlanders ones actually were just called “Fingers” this year.
add pickles to your list
Dont forget chocolate…chocolate syrup….melted chocolate….chocolate covered (strawberries) or marshmallows or chocolate hocolate..or *pant *pant-Oh screw chumras already!!!!!!!
Chocolate covered nuts, honey covered nuts
Um, I think Planned Parenthood is always ‘out’. Also, Sara Leah sounds pretty Jewish to me.
Crushed nuts?
No, polio.
soda straws – OUT!
those hazelnut creme-filled wafer rolls – OUT!
mini stuffed cabbages and franks in blankets – OUT! (I’m going to cry)
gefilte fish jelly is, um, so not for me.
I love it- keep the suggestions coming (no pun intended) nad maybe we can write a RFP to the Chumra Research Inst- for further chumros and bannings.
Ban melons in case your wife buys a pair of melons for shabbat and someone ends up saying “your wife got a nice pair of melons”
Ban jugs for same reason. Ban computer mice, especially those with buttons next to the scroll wheel.
Haha, these comments are hilarious.
Dude can we exchange blogroll links?
Sure
btw, remember how laptops used to have nipple mice…
Homer: mm, nipple mice.
How about Devil Dogs- not just for their form, but for the avodah zarah reference as well.
Paskesz (or is it Bloom’s) Frooz-pops- the ones where you turn the handle and a gel oozes from the tip of the lollipop. My mom’s friend owns a grocery and swore that the sales rep pushed them as a “teaching tool”.
Jeez does paskez really make such things- some executive at that company probably got a good kick out of it at the time they came out.
meatBALLS
The problem with all these suggestions is that they are assuming Charedim know all of these slang terminologies. Last time I checked the Charedim in Monsey didn’t even understand what get out of my way Mother F—er meant. Nor did they understand that the middle finger meant for them to go put on some brighter colors so I don’t hit them while they are hitchhiking.
baby fingers sounds like incest
Vell in our community- zis is normal!
Why didn’t I get like half the items?
Oh well.
All the better for me, I suppose.
fsf, yikes. naming food after body parts is a slippery slope with a jump at the end that sends the skier right over some folks’ heads. Do folks avoid mentioning poultry breast by simply referring to different cuts as light meat or dark meat?
M- you have just proved my previous comment that people are naming things which aidel girls like yourself would not understand.
SB- I found out what breasts were from my friends laughing about chicken breast- I felt stupid at 8 years old at not knowing what that meant and asked someone.
That’s totally understandable, Hesh.
THANK GOD I’m eidel then.
I have better things to occupy my mind while eating fruit salad than ***.
What about tossed salad- hahahahah
Celery sticks?!
This is just going too far!
I could have went forever- but I had to let you people have some fun.
pink sno- balls.
wrong in so many ways
“Um, I think Planned Parenthood is always ‘out’. Also, Sara Leah sounds pretty Jewish to me.
Crushed nuts?
No, polio.”
Perhaps Betty Crocker was really Bracha Kohen?
I can sorta understand the intentions: A talmid in a yeshiva wants a snack. He likes “lady fingers” but the name keeps distracting him from his learning.
However, here, the cure is worse than the disease (if there was one). The idea of Jews eating a food called “baby fingers” sounds straight out of a blood libel. It wasn’t enough for us to be accused of making tasteless crackers (matzot) with babies, now we are setting ourselves up for turning them into potato-starch pastries.
Maybe I’m just being a bit paranoid. But, since Yom HaShoa is coming up, keep in mind that back in the day, our ancestors would’ve been slaughtered for this kind of $hit.
As always Yochanan brilliant comments never thought of the blood libel thing and to think that they are pesach food as well.
Popsicles! and anything else served on a stick or in a cone or any sort.
Tacos!!!Mmmmm,tacos!
P.S. I agree-Aunt Jemima IS distracting.
Aunt Jamima is fake sugar syrup- pathetic I tell you
You forgot some :
For men ban tacos and hamantashen.
For women, Butternut squash and english cucumbers, they make a shzartze look chinese.
Hey, Phil,
Too big is no good. Real life is not internet porn. I think banning pickles, carrots and encased meat products would cover it, for most women.
My brain just short-circuited. Thank you very much.
This is satire after all, and butternuts do have a distinctive shape.
You’ll also have to ban horseradish. If you’ve never seen one–I leave it to the imagination
Yeh but the only its used is Pesach – chrain never really struck me as sexual
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I think Heshy is way off the mark here. Lady Fingers is a product that is trademarked and to market the cookie with that name is hasagas g’vul in both Torah law and name infringement in secular. For example a supermarket chain once marketed a knock off of Sea Pirate crackers as “Sea Pilots”. This is one instance you can give Chasidim a “dan l’kav zchus”