I met David Sheril the other night at a fans house. He is the type of guy who I want writing posts for me and this beauty of a post proves why – I hope he can bust me out some more. For now – enjoy!
By David Sheril
The 140 Decibel Davener:
I was always taught that to make sure no words are skipped when davening, and to aid concentration, one should pray out loud. In fact that is one of my standard davening policies. But the individual I’m referring to takes this too far. Any person sitting within a 6 foot radius of them is literally robbed of the ability to think at all, let alone concentrate on davening. Unless you’re wearing those special earmuffs distributed by construction companies, it’s adios “kavanah”!
Included in this category is the guy who prays the silent amidah just loud enough for the person standing next to him to hear him clearly. Apart from being a non compliance with halacha (Mishnah Brurah states that the silent amidah should be recited just loud enough for a person to hear him/herself, which is much quieter than the volume needed to project the sound to the ears of the person next to you), it also ruins any hope of focus for that other person, who actually is reciting the amidah quietly.
The Endless Amidah Man:
Another thing I was taught is that the Shemonah Esrei (a.k.a Amidah) is the focal point of davening, and one should understand every word and concentrate deeply on their meaning. In yeshivas and local shuls it is common to find individuals who daven a very lengthy amidah, including within it their own personal prayers etc. and I say more power to them. But here’s the thing: I have nothing against the time-span of their amidah, but where they situate themselves during that time-span. More than once I have missed a bus, or had to stand feet-together for the rest of the services (and that’s quite a while on a day when there is a Torah reading during shacharis!) because someone decided to stand behind me and engage in a Neilah-worthy Shemonah Esrei. It’s not like an extended amidah just sneaks up on a person, you know the approximate duration of your davening, so move all the way to the front, or to somewhere else that will not inconvenience others.
The Nusach Neglector
This is my all-time favorite, especially if coupled with the first category in this article (“The 140 Decibel Davener”). I will just say this: Numerous poskim state clearly that it is prohibited to daven out loud if your customary nusach differs from that of the shul in which you are praying. Countless times I have witnessed people in a “nusach ashkenaz” shul launch into the Mussaf Kedushah with a bellowing “Kesser yitnu lecha…”, and vice versa, and that is but one of many examples. R’ Moshe Feinstein even goes so far as to call a person guilty of this a “Poretz geder” (literally “one who breaks a fence”) – “Causing a rift in the congregation”, about which it is stated in the book of Koheles “???? ??? ????? ???” – A “poretz geder” (deserves to) be bitten by a snake!
Here’s the choice: Daven your nusach silently or watch where you step!
The Self Appointed Gabbai Sheni (backup gabbi):
We get it – you’re wealthy/knowledgeable/well connected/a self-proclaimed leadership personality etc. Here’s a tip on public relations and human sociology: unless you’ve been asked by the congregation to accept the responsibility, which would have to mean you’re actually liked by the general praying public, stay out of the limelight, or you may end up wondering why the only kiddushim you’re ever invited to are the ones that you pay for.
The Verse Verbalizer:
In my short lifetime I have visited dozens of shuls, on 4 different continents, and this individual is a staple in practically every one I’ve stepped foot in. Community rabbis have a lot on their mind at any given time, as most of them learn several different topics, each in depth, during the course of every day.
It is when the Rabbi is delivering his sermon and pauses to recall the wording of a specific passuk that The Verse Verbalizer yells out the desired phrase, shattering those few moments of silence. Apart from making the Rabbi look so dull-witted that he needs to rely on some guy who luckily remembers a couple of pessukim from his Bar Mitzvah such an exploit, please see the last sentence of #4.
And yes, I’m aware that “verbalizer” is not a real word. Neither is “davener” but no one complained then…
Capitan “Von Schleppen”:
Even the finest of mornings can be severely dampened by this individual. The collective sigh emanating forth from the congregants seated in the rows behind you alerts you to the personage determinedly marching by your seat – “Captain Von Shleppen”, a man who’s davening is so schlepped (drawn out) it even makes the rabbi whimper.
A polite comment should suffice if the only reason this person is davening from the amud is a “Yohrtzeit”; it’s not really his fault, and he may himself not be such a fan of leading the congregation. But affirmative action should be taken with the gentleman who fancies himself a professional cantor, whether his assumption is correct or not, because the moment he approaches the lectern people start rearranging that day’s schedule, or clearing more room on the table to rest their heads.
Unless the congregation specifically requested “chazzonus” or lots of singing – bottle it up. If you love singing so much, you can entertain your family with all the zemiros under the sun. Don’t make people leave with a bitter taste in their mouth. On any given weekday people have appointments to keep and on Shabbos, people are hungry and want to get home to enjoy, what is sometimes, one of the only family meals of the week without being worn out from a mind-numbingly prolonged davening.
The Unknown Tune Chazzan:
I racked my brains for a catchy name for this category, but the simple and obvious really drives the point home.
Again, we get the drift – You own a copy of that “Lag Ba’Omer Carlebach kumzitz” tape rumored to have been lost during the mid-sixties in a freak hailstorm, or the very latest Jewish music record that reached stores only this morning. Either way I’m sure you’re quite proud of yourself (and in one of the two scenarios, you should be!). So how about a few statistics to help clear up your misunderstanding:
- Roughly 98% of Jews in the world have never heard more than the 10-12 most famous Carlebach songs. That adds up to about 98% of the congregants of any Shul on earth, and age doesn’t make a difference to the numbers.
- About 2% of religious Jews buy/listen to every song recorded and sold. 99% of that 2% are between the ages of 15-25. Younger than that and it’s Uncle Moishy, older than that and a person realizes that a song/singer is not necessarily pleasant to listen to just because a recording of it/them has been produced.
There are 2 groups of people in a shul – the ones who are there to daven and the ones who are there to socialize. The reality is that by choosing a mostly unheard of tune, you are alienating the only group willing to back you up during the course of a service. Any commanding officer will tell you that slighting the troops is not the best way to gain their much-needed support. Apply example to case in point. Lather. Repeat.
The Kiddush Club Corrupter:
I know this is a group not a person, and yes, I know I’m arousing the anger of the largest unofficial society of synagogue attendees, but before I get lynched, allow me to clarify:
A shul can tolerate a Kiddush club with very few members and, in my opinion; age is not the standard by which to judge this problem. To illustrate:
Age Shame Level
|
15-20 |
Minimal: You have yet to go to yeshiva and understand the beauty and holiness of davening, but you should still try to be in the shul if you’re already at shul |
|
21-40 |
Moderate: You do know better and should be in the shul, not stuffing your face. But at least you’re schmoozing is not interrupting the davening/leining. |
|
41-60 |
Minimal: You’re getting older and need a break from your grandchildren who are staying with you for Shabbos. Some hot pastrami and schnapps is just what the doctor ordered. |
|
61-120 |
Non-Existant: You are officially old enough to not care about what anyone else thinks, and the fact that you turn up for davening gets more impressive the older you become. |
But what truly saddens me is the individual, no matter what age, who brings his 6-12 year old son/grandson with him to the Kiddush club. I am willing to cut some slack to a person who tried but never really “got into” davening. I’m even willing to extend that slack to people who are simply apathetic about the sanctity of davening, or just plain lazy. It’s hard to follow the Hebrew, davening can be schlepped, leining can get pretty boring and you’re probably still dreaming of getting back into bed for a Shabbos afternoon “shluf” of record breaking proportions.
But by taking an impressionable child with you, you are conveying the message that Kiddush club during services is the acceptable way to daven. Most members of any Kiddush club will admit that what they’re doing is wrong, but that they need it to get through davening for whatever reason. Be that as it may, a child has not yet made such a decision, nor learned anything about the beauty and effect one can find in prayer. These vulnerable minds are being robbed of the ability to make that choice – and that is a crime.
Hey Hesh – thanks for the shout out and the publicity! An honor and a privilege to be featured!
Nice post. (I disagree slightly about the prolonged davening — it’s actually a mitzva, according to some authorities, especially on Shabbos; and those who are in a hurry should daven outside of minyan, and they get zchus for davening in a minyan for allowing minyan to daven d’avoida — but, it also depends on the shull, circumstances, congregation, etc.)
The first type (loud davener) is not as bad actually. Eventually, if you have healthy nerve system (and plenty beis medrash/shull experience), you learn to ignore him and concentrate on your davening. What’s absolutely worse is a suddenly-loud davener — somebody who davens silently or quietly for the most part and then suddenly lets out a scream or a moan of some sort, accompanied with a hand gesture. Usually wears a big kippah and tzitzis with pseudo-techeles.
Most people may not realize this but it is Ussur to be a 140 Decibel Davener. They think they are doing something very nice, but it’s straight downstairs for them.
@David_Sheril davening is serious and sanctified no doubt, but chill…
if someone’s davening too loud – move or daven at home
endless amidah – eh, just step back quickly and get out of the way. no worse than someone in a doorway who you can pass by.
schlepper chazan – leave early or jump ahead and study chumash/read the paper whatever.
kiddush club – don’t get drunk or anything, but a shot or two never killed anyone (did it?). maybe it will help you with the other fellows on the list!
Shua,
I hadn’t heard what you said before. How do you know you’re allowed to pass someone standing in a doorway davening? (And the fact that everyone does it doesn’t count)
–
Decent post. This is the type of stuff that attracted me to the blog in the first place.
A23 — amen.
Hesh,
See you’ve joined the outsourcing fad.
David,
Couldn’t agree more on the 10 decibel davener. I’ve got a few in the shul, worse is when they aren’t even davening with the minyan. One of them is an ex chazzan, always seems to be singing korbanos or psukei dezimra whire everyone is doing amidah. Sits abou 6 feet from me, very distracting, also against most halachic sources.
Nice post.
i like the post, and the 140 davener is so true. we had like that at the yeshiva i learned in over the summer. one time he was singing so loud, we went into one of the shuir rooms, and everybody could still here him. plus he had a horrible voice. but at least it was kind of entertaining.
PS.
You forgot a few:
1) The yechi guys (in participating Lubavitch shuls only):
Oblivious to “normal” people around them, these crazed individuals shout yechi 3 times at the top of their lungs during various intervals at davening (Leining, after kaddish derabanan, Shofar, lecha dodi, etc.) and look around expecting everyone to respond by shouting the same. Sometimes more distracting than the 140 decibel guy.
2) The economist / politician armchair general:
This guy is the one who spends shacharis giving economic advice, debating politics and solving armed conflicts from the comfort of the shul while everyone else is trying to daven. During brief intervals, he skips through a few pages until he finds another issue to get started on.
3) The busybody:
This self appointed character makes it a point to remind everyone to donate to the shul fund, cofee fund, mikva fund, and all other funds he can think of. Not a morning goes by without an annoucement of some sort.
4) The hobo (in participating big Lubavitch shuls):
These are the classics, you won’t find a big Chabad shul without them. These guys are always there, often eating and sleeping in the shul. They stand out due to abnormalities in there character or way of life. They have been there ever since anyone can remember, no one will kisk them out because they are harmless and have aquired sqatting rights.
phil, about the yechi thing… its funny sometimes you’ll have it be repeating. one guy screams yechi, and like a few guys repeat it back. i just find it funny when one guys yells it, and how no one answer him back.
as the “Fan” from a “fans house” fame, i would to say congrats dave and keep em coming! happy i could make the shidduch!! maybe one day u will be zocheh to ur own site…
keep showing me the sneak previews!!
You forgot the fat lady who comes once a week to the shul and creates ridiculous non-existant stories about everyone in the shul like “Mrs.Jakubowicz’s son is about to get engaged to a transvestite named Marla Moonshine”.
Here is one; let’s call him the Suffix, he has to help the chazan or ba’al koreah finish the sentence (usually off key).
Hesh, this is so not you. The tone is way to serious. As if this guy really means it. Especially the kiddush club part. This is satire, not mussar. If we want mussar, we can go to Aish.com.
Rightfully so, his points are valid, but come on, with a grain of salt. Sheesh.
I am sure if Hesh took the post and polished it up a bit, it could have been another one of his top 10 posts.
left- right on on the suffix guy
I usually turn to that guy and say”hey, good call”
same to the The Verse Verbalizer:
The men who have to shout out the last three words of every Aliyah. Do they think that the Ba’al Kriyah doesn’t know where to stop?
The man who can’t read Trop, and yet insists on reading the Haftarah himself, botching half the words and taking twice as long as he should.
The man with a hundred family names for his Mi Sheberach, who has to rack his brains to remember them all, while the Tzibbur is getting more and more impatient.
One of your top posts.
A23 I am sure you can tell I go through stages- I find that the posts I write when I am away from the frum community are the better ones- more time for reflection.
This post was not written by me- read guest author!
I’m sure other BTs have this complaint: The guy who THINKS you don’t read Hebrew when you get an aliyah. Many times I will be adjusting my eyes to the bracha sheet or taking a breath before making the bracha when someone in a talking-to-a-five-year-old or talking-to-a-“special”-person voice says: baaaaruch…..
Let’s not forget about Ya’aleh V’Yavo guy.
Hey guys, thanks for the comments and support!
This article was written as a reaction to a bunch of people at my Shacharis on Tisha B’Av, so I wasn’t thinking about most Shabbos terrorists.
The Suffix is really the same guy, or the second-in-command to the Verse Verbaliser and Yaale’h Veyavo guy/busybody is incorporated in Self-Appointed Gabbai. Also, the economist, while a great character, is missing ‘cos I only included people who actually daven for more than 37 seconds!
Sorry if some people thought the end of the post was too serious – this post (and the next one) were written motzai Tisha B’Av!
THE MOMMY – who comes to shul with her five kids, and davens with Kavanah while her kids destroy the place. (To give her credit, about every half hour she’ll actually tell one of them, “Don’t do that.”)
Great post, but…regarding Nusach, it says in the Sefer Minhangim Chabad , and I quote from page 5:
One whose custom it is to pray according to Nusach HaAri does so even when praying in a congregation whose text is otherwise. This ruling does not counter the injunction of Lo Tisgodedu, “You shall not separate yourselves.
Footnote 16: [Yevamos 14a on Devarim 14:1.] See Piskei Dinim of the Tzemach Tzedek, Orach Chaim 8:4ff. The question arises as to whether a worshiper in this situation may lead the prayers as a Shalich Tzibur while following his own accustomed rite and not that of the congregation. In such cases, the law is determined by actual precedent (maaseh rav). Thus, R. Noson Adler (and so too [R. Pinchas Horowitz] author of Sefer Haflaah) himself following the Sepharic rite, led his congregation who followed the Ashkenazic rite (from the response of the Chasam Sofer, Orach Chayim 16.) There is no need to elaborate further on the subject.
Ooh, fantastic!
This makes me smile and want to add you to my blogroll.
I know where to come for future amusement!
Rachel
I daven tehillas hashem even when I’m in an Ashekenaz shul. Only exception in when they ask me to lead, I switch to their nusach.
Ironically, since writing this post a few months ago, there is a guy who davens very loudly and decided to sit near me. I just clicked the old mental ‘ignore’ button, and all was fine until kedusha of mussaf at which point this guy burst into flat out yelling and loud clapping for about 10 seconds.
Since then my table-buddies and I wait for it every week. One week he faded quietly into Kedusha, and he couldn’t understand why after davening so many people were asking him if he was feeling ok…!
In general people are ignorant of hilchos tefilla – the more “frum” the more ignorant if you go by the amount of talking in davening (e.g. Reform temples are drop-dead silent, I am told). This is surprising given that it is something that plays such a central role in Judaism… I think it is sad that we do not place a greater enphasis on our communication with Hashem.
Reform temples are dead silent because people only come to shul once a week. When you come to shul all the time it brings a levity to the whole idea of prayer and people are more lax about it.
You forgot a couple of my favorites:
The Kiddish Ganifim: Those people who attack the kiddish spread (despite the fact that they arn’t the sponsors) before kiddush has been made. This begins a massive rush to the food by others who are worried that nothing will be left. Some of us are sick of getting elbowed in the face for our crappy kiddush tuna fish and crackers so that we can be yotzei kiddush.
The can’t sit still guy:
He always comes before everyone else and insists on sitting on seats on the inaccessable side of the rows. So, whenever he wants to get out and come back, you have to move. And, he wants to get out and come back very often. Because he is busy coming and going for most of davening, he doesn’t really understand that a persistent poke on your shoulder during the uninteruptable parts of davening (like after nishat kol chai or worse, during shemona esray or kiddushah) can be horribly annoying. Just sit still and pay attention!
Add another one to the list the I think I can daven people.
There is a proper tune to use for davening and there is always the guy who wants to daven but hasn’t the slightest idea of the proper tune. Or even worse, he has been davening in shul long enough so he has half the tune.
In that vain, there is the general problem that nobody knows the proper tune for weekdays or for Shabbos Mincha.
-They 40-something who is still single and lives at home with his father. Every shul has one, you are thinking about him right now. He either runs the shul because he has no familial obligations eating away his time, or he can barely read Hebrew and his father drags him to help make sure there is a minyan…This is usually in shuls with much older mispallelim.
-The guy who always gets the phone call to be tenth guy…He often complains about being there and yells out loud when he arrives and finds out he is only number 9 or number 11.
-The “I’m-back-from-a-year-in-Israel-and-I-am-now-frummer-than-everyone-else-here” kid. Somehow, picking up a new chumrah every 3 days does not yet speak to your newfound spirituality and gadlus. A jacket, hat, large Gartel, and a shtender in the front corner where he cannot view any other davener will give this guy away.
-The sort of off-the-derech or that kid with the emotional problems. The behavior they exibit is pretty much the same:sitting without a siddur, leaving during Rabbi’s speech, walking around the shul aimlessly, trying to find the people who will talk to him during davening, and only answering Kaddish and Kedusha out of mere compulsion. When it’s not Shabbos, look for this kid in front of 7-11 during most hours of the day and night.
The Vig,
For the zillionth time, he does not live with his father. There is someone who fits that description, he’s in his 50’s, though.